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Is It Any Wonder What Makes Women Sexually Tick is Such a Mystery?

Um. No.

Columbus sailed the ocean blue. We’ve put human beings into space. Its possible to transplant an organ from one human being into another, and for the recipient to live a long healthy life. And somebody invented Krispy Kreme devil’s food chocolate cake donuts. All important contributions to history (well, Columbus is debatable but I probably wouldn’t be here if he didn’t).

But we didn’t know the full structure of the clitoris really is until 1998. Seriously:

Though the internal clitoris was illustrated by G.O. Kobelt all the way back in 1844 and additionally detailed by Dr. R.L. Dickinson in 1949, it was not until 1998—yes, 1998—that Helen O’Connell, an Australian urologist, became the first modern-day doctor to really explore and describe the hidden, internal structure of the clitoris. Few really took note of their work, and even today most anatomy textbooks do not fully illustrate the clitoris in its entirety. As someone who learned about intercourse from the encyclopedia at age 10, this is horrible news to me.

Clitoris: more than meets the eye.

So if anyone has trouble understanding what women want (including women), we can’t really be surprised.

Edited: January 10th, 2014

I Wish My Girlfriend Had Pubic Hair!

Pubic hair politics. What’s a girl to do?

Some guys wish their girl DIDN’T have pubic hair. But this guy wishes she DID! Is the grass always greener? (If it IS green, you might want to get that checked out…)

Question via Tumblr:

ok so i really want my girlfriend to have pubic hair, she always shaves it and she thinks its gross but i really think its more attractive then bald. its just kinda weird to me, like little girls don’t have pubes. a woman should have pubes, its sexy. but i just can’t convince her of it. i don’t mean like wild mane bush but something classy and fitting for a girl her age. plush she’s blonde and her blonde bush is so cute. any tips?

Your ‘conflict,’ so to speak, is that you clearly think its hot… and she obviously doesn’t. Simply telling her its sexy isn’t going to convince her because she doesn’t agree. Its like politics. Pube politics.

Its fine to have preferences on how our partners groom, and to make suggestions. But whether they take us up on them is a matter of choice. Put it in perspective. At the end of the day, what’s really more important – that she look how YOU want her to, or that she do what makes HER feel sexy (and thus makes her want to fuck you)?

I don’t know how many little girls’ vaginas you’ve looked at (I hope none lately), but a woman’s vagina looks VERY different. Hair aside, at puberty the clitoris and labia grow larger to create the cute pussy she has today.

Also growing out pubic hair is kind of uncomfortable until it gets longer – tiny hairs rubbing against panties feels itchy and sandpapery. That may be off-putting as well.

That said, you may be communicating in a way that isn’t appealing to her, and if you put things another way she may be interested in trying it. Have you tried asking her what SHE would like you do change about your appearance? Or your sexual activity? I think most people have at least a fantasy or two they’d like to try but are too scared to bring it up. Tell her, “I know we’ve talked about it before and you think its gross, but how about you try growing it out JUST for a month or two — and I’ll do anything* you want to try. Is there something you’d like me to change, or maybe a new fantasy you want to explore? And if you don’t like it, you can always shave it off.” (*Within your own limits, of course.)

You can also make it fun for her by looking up ‘styles’ that she could groom, watching good porn together of girls with bushes (if she likes porn – Dani Daniels is known for hers, its pretty cute), or helping her groom it in the shower. If you make it fun for her and offer the same in return, she’ll be much more likely to try. If she does and still doesn’t like it, appreciate her efforts and enjoy the memories.

Edited: May 20th, 2013

Listener Questions on Wet Pussy and Masturbation With Lily Cade

Lily Cade is back to share her experience with fucking women.

We discuss listener questions:

When my wife and I have vaginal sex, she is always dry. I can go in but it is uncomfortable for us both – even after I have given her oral and she has had an orgasm.  I must use artificial lube.  Does this indicate a lack of interest, arousal, attraction etc… on her part? With lube intercourse feels good to me and she says she likes it.  Let me know what you think, is this common?


I’m a happily married woman whose husband is in the military. He is away a lot and I don’t believe in masturbation. Any suggestions on relieving the tension?

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: April 29th, 2013

Bras Make Breasts “Saggier”, 15-year French Study Reveals

I hate bras! Now I have a scientific reason not to wear them:

“Medically, physiologically, anatomically – breasts gain no benefit from being denied gravity,” said Rouillon. “On the contrary, they get saggier with a bra.”

But if you like bras, keep wearing them. Do whatever makes your boobies happy.

Edited: April 16th, 2013

Women’s Sexual Arousal and the Menstrual Cycle

My body is approaching ovulation this week, so I am feeling extra horny.


Basically, the body “wants” to make a baby – so it gets more easily aroused in the few days before ovulation – the most fertile part of a woman’s cycle. Doesn’t mean she can’t get super horny in other times of the month, but pay attention to your or your partner’s cycle and you’ll probably notice this pattern. (Unless she’s on hormonal birth control, she doesn’t experience the same hormones.) Enjoy it! Just keep in mind if you’re having penis-vagina intercourse – be careful if you’re not ready for pregnancy!

Depending on how you or your partner feels around period time, it may mean more or less arousal. When I’ve got cramps and am in a shitty mood, sex isn’t the first thing on my mind. But knowing I’m unlikely to get pregnant is pretty awesome so when I’m feeling okay it makes sex more fun.

Here’s what Go Ask Alice has to say:


I seem to feel more strongly sexed (hornier) than usual during my menses and so do some of my girlfriends. Is there a clinical explanation for that or are we just weird?

Thanks for answering,

the menses maiden

Dear menses maiden,

Your and your girlfriends’ observations about the connection between your libido, or sex drive, and menstrual cycle are quite perceptive. Women of reproductive age report fluctuations in their sex drive throughout their menstrual cycle. This well-researched topic of interest has resulted in conflicting information, making it difficult to reach definitive conclusions.

The most well-known biological theory is that women feel their sex drive kick into highest gear during ovulation at mid-cycle, approximately 14 days before they get their next period. The surge in estrogen and the added testosterone bonus that accompany ovulation explain why some women experience heightened libido during this time. This change makes logical sense when viewed within the context of evolution. Ovulation is the most fertile phase for women, and increased interest in and responsiveness to sex during this time ensures greater probability of conception and procreation than at other times of the cycle.

Some theorize that women feel less sexual when they have premenstrual syndrome (PMS) and during their periods because mood swings and menstrual cramps interfere with libido. However, some women feel increased sexual energy during their period. The possibility of pregnancy is reduced (but not eliminated) during menstruation, and this may free women to feel more sexual during this time. Also, there is more pelvic congestion during a woman’s periods, so she is already experiencing this heaviness, which may trigger or translate to arousal. Furthermore, because of the menses, there is additional lubrication, making penetration more comfortable. Finally, orgasm is a known reliever of pelvic congestion and cramps.

Until the subject is better understood through more extensive research, the phase of a woman’s menstrual cycle appears to be just one factor among many that can influence a woman’s lust or desire to be sexual. Women can explore and enjoy their sexuality at any time during their menstrual cycle, going beyond the biological theories concerning procreation. Their own unique physiology, mental health, sexual experiences, and/or individual environmental and cultural factors play important roles in the level of their libido, as well.


Edited: March 25th, 2013

When FAT isn’t a Bad Word

Last night I met Nicole, a SSBBW porn star. If you haven’t heard this term, the SS means ‘super sized’ and BBW means ‘big beautiful woman.’ I’m not sure where the ‘super sized’ line is drawn, but Nicole weighs in at 330 lbs. There’s no lying that she’s a big woman. A fat woman.

Yes, I called her fat. We talked about the BBW niche in porn, the different fantasies of BBW fans, how BBW girls are portrayed in porn, etc. I asked her this:

“To your ‘typical’ American woman, calling her fat is a huge insult. But I saw on your site you refer to yourself as a ‘fat girl.’ How do you feel about the word fat?”

She said she has no issue with the word fat. Its an adjective. The heading of her website reads:

Sexy BBW Nicole is a hot fat chick that really knows how to have fun and show off her awesome big girl blow job tricks. Not only does she know how to please but she expects her own pleasure and doesn’t mind showing her BIG BBW ASS off! She can shake and move her fat booty and plump body in ways you only fantasize about. BBW porn is at it’s finest with loads of multiple BBW adult models and fat fetishes such as face-sitting, smothering, girl/girl sex, BBW on skinny girl face-sitting, hardcore oral sex, hand jobs, ass play, sexy toys, REAL ORGASMS and so much more!

She uses the terms that people are searching for on google – not everyone knows the term BBW, so they type in ‘fat girls’ or ‘big girl’ or ‘fat ass.’

Ironic that skinny girls take fat as an insult, yet a girl who is fat owns it.

I’ll be having Nicole on the podcast soon to talk about her work and to give advice & positions for plus sized sex!

Edited: January 30th, 2013

The Clitoris is the Only Human Body Part Solely for Pleasure

via Postsecret

via Postsecret

The urethra is for peeing and squirting. The clitoris is just for fun.

Edited: November 29th, 2012

How Does Stress Affect Your Sex Life?

Stressed out? Welcome to the club! Modern life is pretty stressful, which can wreak havoc on your sex life.

When you’re stressed out, your body goes into fight or flight or freeze mode – and it doesn’t want to fuck. We’re so stressed out these days that our bodies aren’t often relaxed enough to want or enjoy sex.

I give a basic explanation of how the body responds to stress, proven ways to reduce stress, and have an even better sex life.

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: October 7th, 2012

Female Orgasm From Boobs?

Guys aren’t the only ones who can cum from tits… For some lucky women, female orgasm can happen from stimulating the breasts.

How’s it possible?

- Breasts can swell up to 25 percent when you’re aroused…

- Nipple stimulation activates the same region of the brain as clitoral, vaginal and cervical stimulation…

- Just as breasts come in all shapes, sizes and colors, women’s preferences during breast play will differ…

- Breast sensitivity changes with our menstrual cycles…

Can all women experience female orgasm from playing with their breasts and nipples? Just like squirting is possible for virtually all females, theoretically so are breast orgasms. But just as most women aren’t squirting, nor are most women cumming from their boobs. If you or your partner can, awesome! (Honestly, I may be a little jealous.) If not, enjoy whatever pleasure they do provide.

Bottom line: Boobs are awesome.

Edited: September 21st, 2012

Mysteries of the Female Body: The Clitoris – Its More Than You Think

Hard to believe the female body was so uncharted it took until 2009 for scientists to get a real grip on the clitoris.

That is, according to this article and the Museum of Sex.

There’s a lot more to the clitoris than you may know. On many women its easy to find the little “button” that sticks out, but the clitoris encompasses a whole network of nerves, most of which are under the skin:

Female Body: Clitoris

Female Body: Clitoris

Female Body: Clitoris

Female Body: Clitoris

Want to learn more about the female anatomy? Check out Sheri Winston’s book. I read it last summer and was AMAZED at how much I didn’t know about my own body! She’s got great sex tips on how to stimulate the WHOLE clitoral area to give yourself (or your woman) amazing pleasure.

Edited: January 31st, 2012

Reader Question: Is My Pussy Too Small to Fit a Penis?

Got a question from a young woman this week, concerned that a dick won’t fit into her pussy:

I’m 19 years old and still a virgin (saving it!). I had always been interested to sex, I’ve been watching movies and porns for the sake of pleasure since I’m not getting it, I can’t get it for now. As I’ve seen on those things that I watched, it seems like my pussy is quite small than the usual. My mom is also telling me this before. It’s quite small, maybe because of the thing that I do whenever I feel horny, it’s either I put something in between my legs then clasp, or just my legs alone squeezing my pussy til i’m off. Now, I’m worried if a penis can fit in to it? It’s like a pussy of a 6 years old, it looks like. Ugh. Can a penis fit on my pussy? I’m really worried by this, :(

My response:
Pussies come in all sizes and shapes, so its possible yours is on the smaller end. I imagine you mean the opening of the vagina (the hole) is smaller than what you’ve seen on porn. Keep in mind that vaginas are very flexible – they’re made to stretch so wide a baby’s head can fit through, so chances are yours will be able to accommodate a penis.

Since you’re a virgin, I recommend playing with fingers or a dildo to stretch it open. It does loosen up a bit with penetration, so practice is the best way to make sure a penis can fit (and fit in a way that it feels good!). If you’re not doing so already, start with a finger, build up to 2 or 3, and work your way up to an average sized dildo. Once that fits in fine, you can try bigger toys if you’re feeling adventurous.

The way you masturbate won’t make it small, but if you’re tensing and squeezing the muscles very tight in that area, it can also make penetration more difficult. Try doing yoga or stretching out in the hip and thigh area, as this will relax your pussy as well. You can also do kegel exercises, squeezing your PC muscles (the vagina muscles) and holding for 10 seconds, then relaxing for 10 seconds. Repeat 10 times, 1-3 times per day. For you, the relaxation is the most important part. I used masturbate the same way, and stretching+kegels have helped me learn to relax the area.

Edited: January 23rd, 2012

Every Pussy Is Unique, Every Pussy is Beautiful

What’s a “normal” pussy look like?

Which Pussy is the Normal One?

If you’re the lucky owner of a pussy (no, not your cat), take off your pants, grab a mirror, and take a gander.

That’s what a normal pussy looks like.

Different Shapes, Sizes, and Colors: The Wide Range of Normal Vulvas

Edited: January 16th, 2012

Shaved Pussy is Everywhere: Pubic Hair is Becoming an Endangered Species

Once upon a time, pussy and pubic hair were synonymous. Not anymore.

According to this article, and Indiana University study found over 60% of women 18-24 and almost half of women 25-29 completely shave some or all the time. Count me in.

No Pubic Hair for My Shaved Pussy

No Pubic Hair for My Shaved Pussy

I’ve been shaving for about 3 years. I prefer it. Why?

- Removing the hair makes it easier to see – it demystifies the pussy. I like looking down and seeing my clit and labia, not just a patch of hair. When there’s a dick in my shaved pussy, I can actually see what’s going on down there, and my boyfriend can see better too.

- Its helped me get to know my pussy better. When I shave, I have to touch my body in ways I wouldn’t otherwise.

- Sex feels better. I love how it feels when the whole area between my legs and upper thighs is smooth, wet and slippery.

- Shaving my pussy (and legs + armpits) makes me feel more feminine. It makes me feel sexier. My boyfriend is quite hairy, and its an arousing contrast to feel my soft skin against his roughness.

Like your pubic hair? Awesome, keep it. Love it. Take a cue from Furry Girl:

Edited: January 8th, 2012

Pussy Talk: What To Call Your Vagina?

“Oh baby, insert your penis in my vagina and let’s have sexual intercourse” just doesn’t do it for me. Maybe for someone with a medical fetish?

Ev’Yan writes about Reclaiming the Word Cunt, and Other Explicit Vernacular.

I’ve never had a problem with the word cunt. Always seemed like a slur girls throw at one another, fighting at the bottom of the social totem pole over some loser dude’s half-assed attention. I never thought of it as referring to the vagina, though I know that’s what it means.

I used to hate the word pussy. Looking back, I think its because I heard it used as an insult so much – why would I want to have one if it was so bad? That being said, I didn’t particularly like any other terms for the vagina either.

When we started dating, my boyfriend would try to make me say “pussy.” I was so dorkily uncomfortable with it, he though it was hot. I felt weird at first, but without another word to call my vagina, it grew on me over time. Now I’m comfortable with calling my vagina “pussy,” though I can’t say it necessarily feels right. It just feels more right and easy to say than any other term I’ve heard.

Edited: December 10th, 2011