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Fetish Problems: My Girlfriend Farts On Me But it is Inconsistent or Rare…

Question via Tumblr: Hello Kelsey, I have a deep fart fetish involving being forced to inhale farts. It’s on top of my desires as I am a submissive male. My girlfriend farts on me but it is inconsistent or rare. Do you have any suggestions on how to help this? Thank you:)

Talk more to your girlfriend about both your wants and needs when it comes to sex. That’s literally the only way you two will ever be sexually happy.

But first, realize this -

The thing with farting – and many other body worship / body odor / body function fetishes – is that the person was (typically) originally programmed that the act is dirty, disgusting, rude, etc. We’ve largely been conditioned that our bodies are gross and to take as many steps to shield people around us from coming into contact with our own grossness. Think about it – by the time you are dressed and ready for work in the morning – you’ve coated yourself in the scent of your soap, shampoo, conditioner, shaving cream, cologne (if you wear it), deodorant, and the smell in your laundry detergent. You smell like a random array of artificial flowers and musk and mountain sunshine, not like a human being. For women, its about 10 times more, with our body sprays and scented lotions and scented tampons. The message we get from an early age is: the natural human body is nasty and should be avoided at all costs. Especially the female body (hello, periods).

I’ve noticed this when I direct our fart fetish videos in particular, that while the viewer is getting off on the smell of their farts, its important that the model feel comfortable doing something she was originally taught was gross. Its a transition that slowly happens from when a model first walks in often feeling anxious and worried about what the shoot will be like, whether she’s going to push too hard and have an accident, whether we’ll judge her, whether it’ll smell too bad, etc – to by the end of the day she’s walking around farting and giggling and talking about it like its no big deal.

So just because you’ve shared your fetish or fantasy doesn’t mean the person is going to be automatically comfortable with it. Your partner has their own feelings about it that have nothing to do with you, directly, that bleed over into their interactions with you. If they’re uncomfortable in some way it doesn’t mean its a hard no, but it means you both need to talk about how you feel. And from there, you can find solutions that work for you both. Just recognize for something taboo, kinky or just plain different from what your partner has previously experienced or desired – it may take some time for them to become comfortable.

If she’s willing to do it sometimes, it means she’s open, at least to some degree. I think you’ll be most effective if you initiate a conversation about what you love about what you DO do, and how you two can have the happiest sex life possible together. And part of that would involve more of your fetishes, but for all you know, she’s got her own ideas of what she’d like. Talking about how you BOTH can be happy and acknowledging what IS working will be much more effective than complaining about what she’s not doing.

Also check out this post and KelseyEducation.com under Fetishes and Communication – there’s a ton more practical advice. Good luck :)

Edited: November 2nd, 2014

What’s a Diaper Fetish?

individualcole asked: Hi Kelsey, I’m a really big fan. I recently revealed to my girlfriend all of my fetishes and she has fortunately been very accepting, I wanted to ask if you could make a YouTube vid explaining the diaper fetish, I can’t seem to explain to her myself.

Answer:
That’s awesome!!!

I haven’t made any YouTube videos in 2-3 years – I’ve been focusing more on my podcast. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about diaper fetish specifically, but I’m happy to share what I know here, if you want to share it with your gf.

There seem to be a few different versions of the diaper fetish – some people enjoy simply wearing diapers, while others combine it with some form of ‘age play’ or ‘age regression.’ So there’s the fetishized object – the diaper – and there’s the context in which its used.

Some people actually use the diapers for their intended purpose, some only #1 while others let it all go, while still others only like how they look or feel without using them to go to the bathroom.

Those who enjoy age play or something related, may also like playing with pacifiers, dressing in ‘baby’ clothes, or even roleplaying with someone to be their ‘parent’ to change them, feed them, put them to bed, etc. Age play is a huge fetish that ranges from people pretending to be infants all the way up to teenagers. It could be loving, it could be disciplinarian, it could involve setting rules and guidelines for the ‘little one’ to (attempt to) obey and punishments for when they don’t.

So the diaper fetish can be very simple or quite elaborate, depending on the individual’s preferences.

I think psychologically, diapers are often about a loss of control – either control over one’s bathroom functions (one of the very first things we learn in life) or control over one’s life more generally. Adult life is fucking stressful and most of us don’t learn to deal with it very well. So (temporarily) transforming into someone younger can be relaxing, taking one back to a time before bills had to be paid and important decisions had to be made. Plus they’re taboo and normally reserved for babies or the elderly who have lost that control (both physically and in other elements of their lives) – there can be an element of humiliation and embarrassment here too. Throw the embarrassment/shame/humiliation many people feel for simply having desires like this, and the diaper fetish can elicit a lot of different emotions.

Its actually a pretty diverse fetish and can be used in a lot of ways, depending what you (and your girlfriend) enjoy. Hope this helps a bit!

Edited: September 10th, 2014

Can You Just Decide To STOP Your Fetish?

Question via Tumblr: I’m over fetish porn, it is not going to be my main obsession in sex anymore. I’m done with thinking about all these nasty depraved acts. Goodbye Kelsey and all other fetish porn, it is not good for me. Have a great day.

And how are you going to accomplish that?

What are you going to think about instead? Are you able to simply turn your brain, your body and your emotions off?

If you are, you’re some fancy kind of robot.

Have you ever heard of a gay person simply deciding to straight? Or vice versa?

Are you able to simply stop liking your favorite foods? And begin despising your favorite music?

And the other way around – have you ever tried to enjoy something you simply don’t? To have feelings for someone you don’t care for? To like a TV show, movie, or song you’re at best indifferent to, at worst despise?

If it was easy enough to just stop thinking thoughts connected to actions we dislike (i.e., self-judge) – wouldn’t we all be healthier, happier, and richer? Or – what I sense is really underlying your goodbye note – more NORMAL?

I’ve heard this before, and I can tell you from first hand experience – you cannot just decide with your mind to stop desiring that which you want so much you orgasm over it. However, dealing with the shame felt about the desires can sometimes indirectly change them, or open up space for new and different desires. But that means a person must learn to allow their current desires to be, to accept them as they are. Otherwise one will yo-yo back and forth between denying themselves what they crave most, and shame-filled binges. Going through that though is sometimes part of the journey to acceptance.

So I wish you luck, while I fully expect you’ll be back. Come say hi, I’ll probably still be here.

Edited: April 30th, 2014

You’ve Got a Kink!

Edited: April 11th, 2014

50 Shades of Spanking… Okay, Really Just 4

Some people get turned on by spanking.

A spank is a spank is a spank. Hand on cheek. Right?

WRONG! Do not pass go, do not collect $200… (As my dad would say.)

Well, maybe for some people a spank IS a spank. But for a lot of people, its not just hand-smacking-buttcheek that’s important. Its the context.

Where, when, why & how do you want the spanking? That answer is probably a bit different for everyone, but here are a few ideas I happened across via Tumblr:

Edited: April 3rd, 2014

When Fetish Crosses the Line

Comment via Tumblr: I saw the saddest fetish video the other day. This woman used her heels to step on and kill a rabbit and she kept smashing it until it was a pile of mush. I’m normally understanding of fetishes but this made me really sad and angry. I don’t understand how anyone could enjoy watching animals get tortured and how anyone could do that. (I didn’t actually watch the video, I just moused over it and saw the different preview thumbnails.)

People enjoy theft, rape and murder too.

I wholeheartedly believe that there is no wrong desire. A person can be aroused by anything and everything. You’re free to imagine whatever you like in your head. But there is a gap between desire and action. If pursuing your desire causes physical, mental or emotional harm to others or their property – you are violating others, subjecting them to YOUR wants and needs above their own. Its like the basic idea of freedom – you do what you want, I do what I want, but when what you do infringes on my freedom to do what I want to do – that’s not freedom anymore.

Now ‘harm’ is somewhat of a grey area. Some things look harmful from the outside, like certain BDSM practices. Extreme pain, CBT, choking, gagging to the point of vomiting – it depends on the individual whether these are harmful to begin with, though there is a point of no return that anyone has to be careful about. Mental and emotional harm is also quite subjective. For instance, I’ve enacted a completely consensual rape fantasy with Terry once, which I found both physically and emotionally enjoyable. But to someone else, the same situation could trigger deep emotional pain they weren’t ready to deal with. Sometimes we don’t know how far is too far until we cross it.

But crushing live animals (even bugs, in my opinion) definitely crosses that line. If someone is turned on by scenarios like this, it doesn’t make them a bad person. But if simply thinking about it, reading erotic stories, watching cartoon versions or some other benign way of expressing that desire are not enough – then its time for professional help.

Edited: March 2nd, 2014

Sometimes Sex Gets Messy

When I have really good sex, it often feels very raw, animalistic, messy. A mix of sweat, saliva, vaginal fluids and semen at the least. Sometimes squirting, which despite what all the ‘experts’ say, sometimes contains a trace amount of urine (which I figured out when I was taking vitamins that turned my pee bright yellow… and my squirt puddles turned a pale yellow from their usual clear). If we’re doing anal, occasionally shit happens. The wonders of the physical body on display to my lover.

Despite the efforts we make to de-grossify ourselves with perfumes, body sprays, deodorants, and mouthwash, to name a few, underneath we’ve all still inhabit these living breathing entities that don’t give a shit how clean or dirty they are. My body could care less when I last showered (which if you know anything about me, isn’t usually that often…).

So that’s why I loved this blog post about vomit.

I first heard of erotic vomiting in this chapter by Lauren Berlant and Michael Warner. Not an act I ever associated pleasure with, I was fascinated to read about a live force-feeding erotic vomiting performance they attended. I read this about 7 years ago, before I knew anything of the fetishistic worlds that exist both online and off.

No, this isn’t a story about how I developed a puke fetish. But more about how I’ve come to accept it as a part of the messiness that is sex. And even like it… almost.

Here’s something I wrote in response to a fan question about whether I’ve ever done or will do scat (poop) videos:

I generally have a ‘try anything once’ attitude, and while I think the idea of someone being turned on my ALL aspects of my body is hot, fantasy is different than (messy & smelly) reality. I’ve come into contact with shit doing anal without enemas because I hate how they make my stomach feel. I don’t care if there’s a little, and neither does Terry, but I experience it more as an acceptable hazard of the act than something I want to do on purpose. Which is why I do POV toilet slavery videos for my site, but its solely roleplaying, not actually showing anything.

I have a similar feeling on vomit. If you’re into deepthroating, you’re going to deal with vomit at some time or another. I’m a small person with a small mouth, so when Terry’s dick is all the way in I can sometimes get pretty close to throwing up. When its in the morning and I have nothing in my stomach, I actually like the feeling of dry-heaving with his dick in my mouth. I feel completely out of control and enjoy that. But I’ve actually puked on him a couple times, and in my own mouth even more – and my response is more ick than yay. Just like with shit, its a risk I’m willing to take but don’t try to make it happen.

I appreciate having a partner who isn’t offended by whatever my body does, because I don’t think you can have good sex and fear body functions. Sometimes they just come with the territory.

And here’s what fetish model Rain DeGrey has to say:

I DON’T have a puke fetish. Puke is nasty & messy & you have to stop everything to clean it up.

I have a CONTROL fetish. The concept of controlling someone so utterly that you literally control their bodily functions makes me hot. The thought of so completely owning the back of someone’s throat that you can make them vomit, whether they want to or no….well that works for me on so many levels it isn’t even funny. Forcing someone to vomit is like making them squirt from their throat. In my book.

Her desire to make someone vomit and the pleasure I get from dry-heaving is one in the same. We’d probably make great sex partners. She could dom the shit out of me. Or the puke. Whatever.

Edited: February 24th, 2014

Turned On By That Time of the Month?

Question via Tumblr: Ever come across a guy who is into periods and maxi pads?

Online, yes. I’ve made a few videos on the topic based on fan suggestions:

Taboo – Jerk Off Instruction Brother Caught Masturbating With Used Pads & Tampons

Pussy Worship – Menstruation Worship

Sex Ed – POV Stepmother Period Lesson

Sex Ed – Menstruation Lesson

None of them show any menstrual blood though, because its against clips4sale & pretty much every payment processor’s terms of service. Which I think is ridiculous. Its perfectly okay to sell gang bangs & bukkake, but seeing a woman’s period? Why that’s obscene. The few sites that cater to it, as far as I know, are foreign.

I think the idea is really hot, because like most every other woman in the US, I grew up believing that my period was the grossest most disgusting thing about being a woman. For someone to be sexually aroused by it is arousing to me. My husband isn’t INTO it per se, but he’s gone down on me while on my period without a tampon in a few times (when it wasn’t too heavy) and I really like it. I’ll have sex on my period, just not when its too messy.

Edited: January 6th, 2014

Why I Love Body Worship

Making dirty fetish porn has opened my eyes (& vagina) to something that REALLY turns me on…

Body worship. i.e., the experience of someone “worshipping” (sexually appreciating) my various parts & body as a whole. Toes, feet, legs, ass, pussy, stomach, armpits, neck, mouth – and everywhere in-between.

That's Maia Davis Licking My Pit

That's Maia Davis Licking My Pit

You might notice that a lot of my fetish videos center on this theme. And if not my body explicitly, then its functions.

Why? Listen & I’ll share…

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: December 20th, 2013

Fetishes Galore: Ballbusting, Latex, Feet & Body Inflation

Do you get turned on by getting kicked in the balls, latex gloves, feet, fantasizing about a woman’s breasts or ass growing to a massive size? What is so sexy about these fetishes?

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: November 2nd, 2013

Are Guys Into Fetishes Pathetic?

I got this interesting question in my email…

I was wondering if you think guys who are into fart fetish are worthy or if you think they’re pathetic? Like it’s a pretty degrading act but its sexy I don’t know why i love it.

Here’s my basic answer: its not WHAT you’re into, but HOW you handle it. A guy into totally “normal” sex can be pathetic. A guy into crazy fetishes can be cool. And vice versa.

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: September 19th, 2013

Flushing My Head in the Toilet Fetish

Even after 4.5 years in fetish porn, I still learn of new fetishes & fantasies every day:

Hello, I was just wondering, I have a strange fetish where I love to have my head shoved in the toilet and flushed by a girl or girls. Do you know anyone else with something like this or similar?

No, I do not. But whatever floats your boat… or your head. Listen to hear my take on this unique sexual fantasy.

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: September 6th, 2013

I Have a Premature Ejaculation Fetish & My Girlfriend Doesn’t Like It

Premature ejaculation is an embarrassment for some, but others turn it into a premature ejaculation fetish

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Question via Tumblr:
Long time fan of yours! You made a premature ejaculation humiliation vid a few years ago that is one of my all time favorites. Really incredible. I have a question related to that: basically how i can balance my P.E. kink tendencies with good sex. My previous ex LOVED to tease me, and play with my stamina and enjoyed the power of that, but my current gf isn’t really into it. Is this a question I should send to you education page? Or is it best to book a skype session? Thanks & keep it up!

Every sexual relationship is a unique combination of each partner’s desires, preferences, beliefs about sexuality, experience and chemistry. Its not fair to compare your current partner to your past one(s) – remember, there’s a reason you’re not with that person anymore!

She may be uncomfortable having power in the bedroom. She may not really understand what it is you want. Or perhaps she’s uncomfortable exploring sex outside of what’s ‘typical.’ Without knowing more about her and your relationship, its hard to say. Some of these issues can be overcome, others may not – just like any other ‘differences’ in your relationship. I’ve heard of couples breaking up because they are diehard fans of opposing sports teams. Others find a way to make it work, even if their preferences and desires are sometimes different.

Its also not clear to me whether you always prematurely ejaculate, or if it only happens sometimes, or whether you’re into the fantasy/humiliation aspect of it. If its a common occurrence, you can teach yourself to last longer – if you want. You don’t have to, of course, any more than she has to enjoy your premature ejaculation. But if it IS something she’s not crazy about, if you make an effort to last longer for her – perhaps she’ll be more interested in exploring your desires.

The only way you can really know about it is to talk to her yourself. I’m happy to chat if you want some more specific help.

Edited: September 2nd, 2013

See, Love & Fetishes CAN Mix

One Paragraph Memories:

At 26, I started working for a rich, powerful, married CEO. My position required a lot of travel with him, so the majority of our sex was inside lavish hotel rooms. Early on, he told me to pull on his dick really hard and tell him it was small and ugly. Soon, he asked that I call him a slut and a whore. His favorite was when I teased that he got his period and was a bad, bad girl (this, followed by tampons inserted into his ass). We’d meet in an office bathroom so that he could “clean” my vagina. He loved the degradation of licking me front to back, as if he were the toilet paper. He’d have me meet him in crowded elevators to hand off my dirty panties—the dirtier the better; he’d beg that I pee a little in them. Then he’d wear them while giving interviews and presentations. I fell deeply in love with him and have never been quite the same since.

(Not that I’d advocate doing someone married… but the rest of the story is cute.)

Edited: August 1st, 2013

My Friends Think I’m Gross

Whatever floats your boat… may not float mine, or his, or hers. But that’s okay.

Question via Tumblr:
My friend knows about my habit, that’s watching farting girl videos… When all my friends know about that, my friends get away from me, they think I’m gross, dirty… What I must do? I can’t stop this habit, cause it’s my natural instinct….

Then don’t tell your friends. You don’t need to share your masturbation habits with friends if they will judge. They probably have their own perverted masturbation fantasies. & there’s nothing wrong with that!

In my opinion, it IS best if you can share your fantasies with your romantic partner (if you have one, or in the future). They’re the ones who clearly want to have sex with you, so its in their interest to know what turns you on! Of course, not everyone will be okay with EVERY fantasy so it depends how important it is to you, to share that part of your life with someone. I think we’re happiest when we can be ourselves – why else find a partner?

Edited: July 21st, 2013

Why Are People Turned On By Girls Farting?

What’s so sexy about girls farting?

Question via Tumblr:

I don’t know. You’re the only one who can really answer this question.

From what I’ve been told, some aspects fart fetishists enjoy include:

- Its dirty & kinky.

- Its taboo.

- Its voyeuristic.

- Its about the contrast between a woman’s beauty and the not-so-pretty functions of her body.

- It means she may have to poop.

- The smell or taste.

- Its a form of body worship and being submissive.

- The appearance of the asshole as it expands & contracts.

- Its intimate because she doesn’t do it in public.

You may like any of these elements, or be turned on by something else entirely. While there are certainly similarities across fetishists, everyone’s got their own particular taste.

Edited: July 16th, 2013

Chastity Play & Strapons

Discussing listener questions about the chastity fetish, strapons and how to find a partner into this kind of kinkiness.

First I explain what the chastity fetish is, in case you haven’t heard of it. Then I move on to listener questions:

What’s your opinion on chastity play?

And…

I am in my late 40′s and single. I am looking for a female led relationship in which I would like a bit of strap-on and male chastity play included.

So what advice would you have for me? I do not want to do online dating as it is way too risky and you do not know who is hiding behind the PC.

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: July 4th, 2013

I Have This Fetish… How Do I NOT Sound Like a Pervert?

How can you ask someone to fulfill your fetish or fantasy?

Question via Tumblr:

Hi Kelsey. There is a girl at my gym who has the nicest ass and would love to smell and lick her sweaty ass after one of her workouts. How would I ask her without sounding like a pervert?

I don’t think you CAN’T NOT sound like a pervert asking that question. Think about it from her perspective. You’re a perfect stranger who’s been watching her at the gym. She may or may not know you exist. Even if she thinks the idea is hot, I’d estimate 9.5 out of 10 women wouldn’t want to do it with a complete stranger. Even one night stands aren’t usually with perfect strangers – they at least spend a couple hours getting to know each other at a bar or party.

Simply approaching a stranger to fulfill your fetish won’t typically work. There has to be rapport, comfort, AND they have to get something out of the situation as well.

What you could do is approach her to hang out & hook up in a ‘normal’ way… Then once you’ve broken the ice, you can go to the gym together and have sex right after – smell & lick her ass as a part of it if she’s down. Also be sure to ask what she enjoys and give it to her. Focus on giving her a great time and she’ll be much more likely to want to please you in return.

Edited: June 5th, 2013

Is My Foot Fetish Only For Women, or Might I Like Guys’ Feet Too?

Is a foot fetish gender specific, or will this guy for for ANYONE’S feet?

Question via Tumblr:

Is there anything inherently different about the smell of a woman that turns me on? Or could I very well lick the feet of an old man and it would be equivalent. And that my attraction to a woman’s smell is based on tricking myself into believing it is something specific to that woman, when really, sweat is sweat, and dirty feet are dirty feet, and arm pits are arm pits. Or am I wrong?

It could be either way. Some people have a fetish for ‘women’s feet’ (or any other body part or sex act), while others have a fetish for ‘feet’ in general. For instance, my husband definitely has an ass fetish, but ONLY for women. He LOOOOVES women’s butts but wouldn’t go anywhere NEAR a dude’s asshole. But I also have a porn star friend who enjoys licking guys’ AND girls’ asses – so it can go either way.

Males and females do tend to smell different, so you may prefer the female scent. Part of our attraction to sexual & romantic partners is based on smell, whether or not we’re aware of it. We all produce chemicals called pheromones to attract partners, secreted through sweat. On an unconscious level, our bodies can tell who would be a better genetic match to produce children. Someone closely related won’t usually smell as good or be as attractive because our genes are too similar – not good for making babies. Not that people can’t be attracted to family members – in fact, the taboo probably makes it a ‘fetish’ for some – but its less likely. Genetic diversity is better for reproduction, and even if we’re not intending to have children with someone (or cant! if its a same-sex relationship) these chemicals still play a role in attraction.

When we’re attracted to a PARTICULAR person, THEIR body scents can smell very good to us, while someone we’re not attracted to won’t be as enticing. For example, I am VERY attracted to the smell of my husband’s sweat – I love smelling him before he takes a shower. Because its HIS sweat. If I’m standing next to a sweaty guy in the post office, 99% of the time I can’t WAIT to get out of there. I’m not attracted to random guy sweat, its a SPECIFIC guy’s sweat.

If you find yourself physically attracted to women & their smells + you want to be in relationships with women – then its probably just a girl thing for you. If the person isn’t as important and you just want some dirty feet in your face, then maybe you could be with a guy, a transsexual or transgender person, OR a woman. There’s nothing wrong either way, just enjoy whatever turns you on!

Edited: May 6th, 2013

What’s a Cuckold Fetish? Interview With Jimmy Broadway

The cuckold fetish is basically where the woman (in a ‘straight’ couple) openly has sex with other men.

It goes in reverse too, where the guy openly has sex with other women – called a cuckquean fetish (this term definitely could apply to my relationship!).

I often encountered the cuckold fetish when I worked on webcam. I enjoyed roleplaying, but I always wondered how this could work in “real life.” Many of the men I worked with fantasized about their woman taking their money, their dignity and sometimes only being allowed to eat other men’s semen from their woman’s pussy with no other sexual contact. Not all men took it to this extreme, but it was more common than I would have expected.

Obviously we don’t bring ALL our fantasies to life, but I’ve got several emails in my inbox from guys wanting to know how to get their woman to ‘cuckold’ them.

Curious myself, I asked fetish video producer Jimmy Broadway to join me on the podcast. Jimmy is co-owner of SevereSocietyFilms.com and frequently films cuckold fetish films. Jimmy is intimately familiar with the fantasy AND reality of cuckold relationships – how to make it work, and how it can go wrong.

Hear us talk about -

- Why are guys turned on by their woman fucking another guy?
- What role does bisexuality play?
- What are the risks of the cuckold relationship? What can go right, and what could go wrong?
- How can a couple safely explore the cuckold fantasy?
- What’s the #1 most important element of a happy cuckold relationship?

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: May 4th, 2013

Cop on Trial for Cannibalism Fetish?

Cannibal fetish is a new one to me… Fantasize all you want, but ethics come into play when fantasy turns reality.

‘Cannibal Cop’ Trial Begins…:

Valle is charged with conspiring to abduct dozens of women for the purpose of cooking them alive and cannibalizing them. The 28-year-old is also accused of using a police database to target potential victims.

Caught at the center of the case is the adult fetish website DarkFetishNet.com, where 38,000 registered members discuss their girl-grubbing fantasies and recipes.

Valle’s now estranged wife, Kathleen Mangan, stumbled upon the website last year when she discovered her husband was downloading images from the site and participating in online conversations about cannibalism.

“It was porn. It was disturbing,” Mangan testified today about DarkFetishNet.com. “I know S&M is popular with ‘Shades of Grey, but this was different.”

According to NBCNews.com, Mangan went on to describe the violent fantasies Valle had expressed in his online chats.

“I was going to be tied up by my feet and my throat slit, and they were going to watch the blood drain out of me,” Mangan said. “The suffering was for his enjoyment, and he wanted to make it last as long as possible.”

Valle was arrested in October when an FBI investigation lead to the discovery of a list of potential victims on his computer, some of whom were picked out of a law enforcement database and others who were known to Valle in some other capacity.

Assistant U.S. Attorney Random Jackson stressed to the jury during opening statements that, “Gilbert Valle was very serious about these plans.”

Defense attorney Julia Gatto countered by pointing out that “You can’t convict people for their thoughts, even if they’re sick.”

The defense attorney is right. Could having a list of possible victims simply be a part of his fantasies? Sure. But given some were allegedly chosen from a “law enforcement database” – seems to me like he was actually planning a crime.

I don’t care if the thought of killing, cooking and eating people turns you on. Talk about it, fantasize about it, even roleplay it. But doing it crosses moral and ethical boundaries. If its just a fantasy, cool. Reality? Not so much.

Edited: March 3rd, 2013

Fat Girls Are Sexy: Interview With BBW Porn Star Nicole

Many women would flip if they were called a fat girl, but BBW porn star Nicole embraces it.

BBW Porn Star Nicole

BBW Porn Star Nicole

BBW is short for “big beautiful woman,” aka “plus size.” Aka fat. Though most of us in the US learn that thin is beautiful, not everyone feels that way. Good thing, because we come in all shapes and sizes, and sexy is in the eye of the beholder.

Nicole and I discuss how she got into the industry after graduating college and what it is BBW lovers find sexy about big girls. If you think guys aren’t attracted to bigger women, and that all fat girls have low self esteem — listen to Nicole! This sexy confident woman loves her body, and her guy of 8 years can’t get enough of it. There’s someone out there for everyone – its the confidence that’s sexy no matter what a person’s size.

Subscribe in iTunes!

Follow Nicole on Twitter, check out her membership site with over 8 years of content, and watch our facesitting clip together!

Nicole and I at a recent shoot:

 

BBW Nicole Facesitting Kelsey Obsession

BBW Nicole Facesitting Kelsey Obsession

 

 

BBW Porn Star Nicole & Kelsey Obsession Doing Yoga

BBW Porn Star Nicole & Kelsey Obsession Doing Yoga

Edited: March 1st, 2013

Yep, I’m an Exhibitionist

I was the shy kid.

So shy, my classmates would ask me if I knew how to talk. One of the few things they’d hear me say: YES. With as much of an attitude I could muster at the time.

My early masturbation experiences were anxiety provoking. My room was right next to my parents’ and I slept with my bedroom door open. Starting around age 9, I’d masturbate before I went to sleep. Of course, I didn’t call it masturbation… it was just this thing I discovered. It felt good and helped me fall asleep.

But I was always nervous my parents would walk by. I’d hear creaks on the steps and freeze – if I didn’t move, they’d never know.

In middle and high school, I experienced what seemed like overwhelming sexual feelings. I felt like I had to hide it. Nobody else seemed to have these feelings – none of my friends ever talked about it – so I thought I was the only one. I knew people liked sex, but what I felt was so… MUCH. If everyone felt what I did, they’d clearly be talking about it – that was my logic.

I developed a generalized paranoia about being watched. I imagined what it’d be like if there were hidden cameras in every room of my parents’ house. I wondered if God could see my every move, and whether I was doing things I wasn’t supposed to. I was raised as a secular Jew, not religious, but God seemed this being that could know my dirty little secrets. Even if I didn’t tell anyone else. I’d go about my daily business watching myself as if my life were a movie – trying to catch myself revealing too much. I was already shy but became even more internal.

I started being sexual with others around age 14. Shortly after I went on antidepressants. That put a damper on things, though not completely. Having what I saw as weird perverted fantasies heightened my shame. I’d go through periods of trying not to masturbate – if I didn’t indulge it, maybe it’d go away. It always came back.

With guys I often felt frozen. I’d just go along with whatever they wanted, far too anxious to say what I wanted. At that point, I was so disassociated from my sexuality that I didn’t usually know what I wanted anyway. Much of it felt blah. Over time I started resenting the guys who’d get so much pleasure from my body, while I laid there sometimes just waiting for it to be over. Not to say it was always bad, but good sex just “happened.” I never knew how to make it happen, so I’d wait hoping the next time would be what I wanted. Maybe a 1/3 or 1/4 shot.

But what was always exciting was sex in random places. I was usually more bold than the guys I dated. Public sex was one of the few acts I’d initiate. Giving a boyfriend a handjob in class (not to orgasm, of course), fucking in my car in the parking garage, in music practice rooms or offices at school…

Physically, it was still hit or miss (mostly miss). But having sex where I wasn’t supposed to was exciting. I felt alive. The anxiety of being caught was intertwined with my arousal.

So in retrospect, its no surprise that porn appeals to me. As I become more comfortable with my own sexuality, I’m moving away from “performing” what’s requested to simply “doing.” Or “being.” Capturing on film my and my co-stars’ authentic responses. The situations may be contrived, I see it as roleplaying. But our reactions are becoming more and more real.

After webcamming for several months in the typical way girls do – one-on-one private shows for paying customers – I got absolutely sick of it. Not only am I not really into other men, the situation was too forced. I’m not going to have a really enjoyable orgasm in 5 or 10 or 15 minutes, unless I’m sporadically horny in my everyday life. I didn’t like the pressure of someone telling me what they wanted to see. I just wanted to be me.

Tonight was my first voyeur webcam show. Of many more to come, which will soon be free to members of my website. I simply set up my webcam and went about my own business. I was aware the cam was on and felt a small surge of anxiety with being seen – similar to fucking Terry in a swinger’s club. Only I’m alone. Just me. Doing me. Literally.

Being seen doing things I once felt deeply ashamed for feels liberating. Intellectually, I know masturbation is fine, there are no right or wrong fantasies, and any way someone enjoys touching themselves is okay so long as they don’t harm another living being. Yet my sexual response is still tied to anxiety – as if in such a high level of anxiety is a space of calm.

I believe my exhibitionism is similar to people who enjoy extreme sports. Terry, for instance, used to race cars and still likes driving really really fast when no one’s around. He describes the feeling as so intense he has no choice but to be present. To watch his every move, knowing that losing control could mean losing life.

Granted, I won’t die from being watched having sex. But as a kid the fear felt like I would. That response is deeply embedded. But its no longer a problem. Its an opportunity for me to display authentic sexuality to people who are accustomed to seeing over-stylized performances in much of mainstream porn. Or just as bad, romantic movies.

I believe if we saw “real” sex in whatever form it comes, we’d all be better lovers. Myself included. I learn a ton from the women I fuck. If I never entered the adult industry, I’d have no idea just how different every person’s sexuality is. Performing fetish videos and experiencing sexuality with my co-stars has helped me become comfortable with my own weirdness. Which sometimes can be pretty “normal.”

And thus, I’m ready to “come out” with it in a much bigger way. There will always be fantasies I keep to myself, acts I share with Terry I won’t do on camera. I still need a space of privacy and intimacy. But I choose to put a portion of my sexuality in the open, not only because I enjoy it but to show others there are more options for expressing ourselves than we’ve been taught. That the way women get off is diverse, even within ONE woman. That sex IS not anything in particular except that which feels good.

I didn’t choose exhibitionism, but I wouldn’t change it. I’m thankful for my sexuality. And I’m thankful for this lifestyle.

Edited: February 6th, 2013

Crossdressing Husband?

Think you’re the only one?  Its actually quite common…

 

via Postsecret

via Postsecret

Edited: December 14th, 2012

Can Fetish Go Too Far?

When should someone seek psychological help for their fetish or fantasy?

A man wrote in and asked:

I was wondering if their are any fetishes that you would recommend seeking out psychological help for? I have a mouth and smell fetish that makes me not really want to have normal sex. I just want to smell women and kiss them. Kissing a girl gets me off very quickly. I find it very difficult to meet a woman willing to meet these standards because I don’t really want a girlfriend only to have someone that I trust not be able to fulfill these fetishes. This is very difficult and it makes me very depressed. How can I help this situation?

Can fetish go “too far”? How can fetishes work in a relationship where two people have different desires?

On a mobile device? Click here to listen.

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: December 2nd, 2012

Extreme Femdom: What is Financial Domination and Blackmail Fetish?

Financial domination and blackmail fetish are about giving another person the power to ruin them… literally.


Extreme Femdom: What is Financial Domination and… by kelseysextips

Edited: October 8th, 2012

How to Bring Out a Woman’s Dirty Side

I hear from fans all the time asking, “How do I get a girl like you?” One that loves anal, is kinky and down to try (almost) anything?

Well I wasn’t always this way. I used to be pretty shy and inhibited about my sexuality. It was my husband, Terry, who really brought this side of me out to play. On today’s podcast, Terry and I talk about our relationship and he gives advice to guys wanting to get a little kinkier with their woman.

Have you brought out the dirty in a girl? Or had the dirty brought out in you? Leave a comment!

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: September 7th, 2012

Why Do We Enjoy Kinky Fetish Sex?

Where do kinky fetish sex fantasies come from? Why do we enjoy the taboo?

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: August 12th, 2012

Kinky Fetish Sex Files: What’s a Vacuum Fetish?

I recently made a custom vacuum fetish video of me vacuuming my couch with attachments in a bra and panties.

I’m always happy to do fetishes like this because they fascinate me, but I honestly had no idea what it was all about.

That is, until I got an email from another vacuum fetish fan, I’ll call him Dave. Dave was kind enough to explain the fetish to me, and give me permission to post his words here:

I have studied [vacuum fetish] for my entire life because it was making me crazy that every time I am in the presence of a woman vacuuming… In my study of fetishes, they begin somehow on a fine line between fear and excitement. That may explain the fetish of spankings or loud balloon popping or crushing, vore, tie-up/restraint or S & M. My fetish with the vacuum began with having some of my favorite toys sucked up by the cleaning lady. I would try to save the toys I had carelessly not put away in time and the cleaning lady (very attractive) had a deadline that I did not meet adequately so slurp, gobble, and rattling away went my marbles, little toy men, and legos.

A woman with a vacuum has a certain CONTROL at the moment. As she’s vacuuming, whatever is vacuumable may not last for long. She has the choice to let it be or suck it up. When women flirt with a vacuum such as poking the nozzle at a guy she likes, it symbolizes her attraction to wanting him or wanting to excite him… I had a girlfriend who used to play with the vacuum and deliberately suck up objects like a ketchup packet leftover from McDonalds and a few stray pennies. It was an incredible turn-on to have her show no mercy and dominate with the vacuum. I would dream I was a tiny insect-sized man trying to escape from her.

There’s a woman… who may have put the entire Freudian illustration to my seeing a woman Vacuuming fetish. In two of her vacuum clips… she places the vacuum nozzle between her thighs and sucks up little creatures/figurines and matchbox cars saying things like “I’m going to suck you up into my pussy”. The vacuum in a Freudian sense represents a vagina or womb and the desire for insertion or impregnation. Personally I hate Freud and think he was too overboard with everything having a deep rooted interpretation but the fantasy of a woman vacuuming and getting sexually aroused has turned out to have some existence outside of my own invented fantasy. I have seen dozens of instances where a woman admitted enjoying sucking up noisy objects or big things or things of value such as coins or children’s toys and many instances of women positioning the vacuum hose pressed high up in their thighs or even against their crotch as they vacuum stuff.

I was at a construction site once and we were about to clean up a bunch of chunks of wood, sawdust and nails and one guy’s girlfriend happened to be there and became excited saying, “Oh can I vacuum up this pile?” Everyone said, “Sure, go ahead”. I melted on the inside and grew rock hard as she mercilessly took pleasure sucking up everything in sight after finishing the original pile swept up for her in less than 10 seconds. She went hunting for stuff to suck up and walked with the hose between her thighs dragging the vacuum behind her. She sucked up a half of a hot dog one of the guys left on a worktable without even asking if he was done eating. Talk about taking control and showing no mercy. A woman can be fat and still get me totally aroused if she’s vacuuming.

I can get aroused the same conventional ways other guys can (sexy looking lady, bikini, nice lingerie, romance scenes in movies, good hugs, tickle fights, flirting, and sex talk to name a few) -but nothing gets me more aroused than when a woman is vacuuming noisy stuff (pebbles, balloons, tissues, buttons or stuff with an assigned value like coins, puzzle pieces, chessmen).

If you have a fetish you’d like to see featured here, shoot me an email!

Edited: July 14th, 2012

If Someone Has a Sexual Fetish Does That Make Them a Creep?

Several times in my “career” as a fetish model, I’ve encountered the “fetishists are creepy” stereotype.

Many people believe that if someone is aroused by, say, farts, they must be a complete weirdo in all aspects of life. They must be “that guy” (always a guy) who calls random people in the phone book and just breathes heavily into the phone, the guy who walks around in a trenchcoat waiting to flash young girls, who’s caught masturbating in the public library. Or worse, I’ve heard fetish is “serial killer shit” – that only someone crazy enough to murder people could possibly get off on (insert weird fetish of your choice).

Sure, there are weirdos. I get emails and tweets from them. But far more often, they’re neutral – neither nice nor mean, polite nor rude. And its not uncommon for them to be kind, intelligent guys who I could surely enjoy a cup of coffee with if I’d met them at a job or school.

Its not WHAT a person is into that makes them a creepazoid or not. Its how they handle it.

Consider a breast fetish. Most people wouldn’t say they have a FETISH for breasts because in our society breasts are seen a sexual. But a guy jerking off to a video of bouncing boobs is no different from the dude who masturbates to videos of women’s feet. Its sexualizing a specific part of the body, also known as “partialism” among psychologists. No different from the ladies who can’t get enough of The Situation’s “situation” (Lord knows his sparkling personality can’t be carrying all those girls back to the Jersey Shore house). Social convention leads us to label the same sort of act in different ways.

Our fellow with a boob fetish could express it in “normal” ways. Admiring photos and videos of breasts, licking or sucking on their partner’s tits, even fucking and ejaculating on them. He also could express it in a creepy way, by grabbing random women’s breasts in public. By refusing to make eye contact with a female, and rather stare her in the chest. By murdering women so he could cut their breasts off and save them as a souvenir.

In my experience, I get about as many tweets, comments and emails from guys being weird about “normal” sex as I do fetishes. Who somehow assume I’m putting naked photos and videos of myself on the internet because I want to fuck THEM. Who send me their phone number (expecting I’ll call???). Who send me a picture of their dick like I should be impressed (I’m not).

Guys can get really creepy, but its not categorical – its attitudinal.

Edited: May 30th, 2012

Mind Over Matter: Making Your Fetish into Mine, or What its Like to Star in Fetish + Fart Porn

As a model, director, and producer of fetish and fart porn, I often must act as if I’m aroused by something that I’m, well, generally not.

Its a test of the mind, one I enjoy taking. Contrary to stereotypically bad mainstream porn, with a model who’s barely even pretending she likes it, I fully admit I’m often acting in my films, in one respect or another. I don’t pretend to eat farts in my everyday life, but I do a great job on camera. Or so my fans say. Know what? I’m not really a giantess either – I’m only 5′ tall (or short).

To produce quality clips, I have to get into the mindset of someone with the fetish. The more experience I have with any fetish, the better my videos; if I’m not there, they come across awkward, empty, hollow. The best clips are when I’m able to get myself turned on, when I understand the fetish and can act so well that I feel it in my body. I can tell when I’m filming, whether or not I’m ‘on.’ When I watch these clips later, they turn ME on, even when its not my ‘thing.’ I fully believe my own performance. These are also the best selling.

Two ridiculous stereotypes propagated not only in the mainstream media, but also by certain doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, sex therapists, sex coaches, and particularly tantric practitioners – that adult models are damaging their own sexuality and psyche by performing for others’ sexual needs, and that fetish in and of itself is perverse and detracts from “normal” sexual functioning. Sure, these can be true.

But in my case, its the opposite. Making fetish porn has dramatically improved my sex life. First, its shown me that my own “abnormal” desires are perfectly fine. Normal, even, in that we’re all weirdos in our own way. Trying to push those fantasies away made me obsess over them, over what was wrong with me and how I could get rid of them. I still have those fantasies, but they’re not so shamefully consuming. They’re available when I want, and I can set them aside when I don’t.

Second, by freeing up this crippling shame, I now have the energy to actually feel good during “regular” sex. If I can learn how to sexualize a fart, I can certainly learn to enjoy having my pussy licked, something I couldn’t really say 5 years ago that I absolutely love now.

I welcome almost any opportunity to stretch my erotic imagination. Why shouldn’t I? Why should we be so scared to explore, when there’s a sexual circus out there waiting for us to come play?

Edited: April 29th, 2012

Please Don’t Tell Anyone This, But…: Why Do We Feel So Bad About Kinky Fetish Sex?

I make my living on kinky fetish sex.

People spend money to see me fart. Its pretty much the easiest and funniest way to make money. And in many ways, its the safest of all sex. Is it perverted? Well, yeah, that’s the point. But why is that a bad thing?

The main issue I see with fetishes is that people are too scared to share them, and people are too judgmental to accept them. Because most all of us have been scared our sexuality makes us bad, sinful, weird, or abnormal. People with “vanilla” desires feel this way; multiply it by a thousand for people with supposed ‘deviant’ desires.

My inbox is stuffed full of emails – How can I ask a girl to X? How can I tell him I want Y? I get emails from the 18 year-old captain of the football team, in despair because a girl laughed at his fetish. People share fantasies with me they feel they couldn’t tell their spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend. Jesus Christ, we’re not killing babies here. We’re sexualizing the immature, the absurd, the absolutely…normal. We’re simply finding pleasure where others don’t. What’s so wrong with a burp? Imagine a culture where new lovers burp in one another’s faces as a sign of intimacy, like for many, the first time you use your lover’s toothbrush? Just imagine: your lovers’ gases become your own.

Why? Fair question. But Why not? Why a handjob and not a footjob? Our hands pick up the filth and grime of the subway, the gas station pump, and that cold hard cash in our wallets. The feet are nicely covered up, protected by shoes and socks (sometimes, anyway). At the very least, these encapsulated feet could be seen as preserving their natural scent for erotic worship. The feet are quite sensitive, after all.

As adults, many of us have lost our ability to play games. To engage the creative side, which many of us haven’t touched since we were children; perhaps that’s why our fantasies can be so childish. Those who are brave enough to step outside of the black-and-white into that box of 128 crayons (or however many they’re up to these days) face rejection and condemnation, and internalized shame. If someone has a fetish and its not your thing – So. Fucking. What.

As long as they’re not REALLY hurting anybody, its all fair game to me.

Edited: April 9th, 2012

Fat and Wrinkled: What Fetish Porn Says About Dominant Sex and Beauty Norms

In the land of fetish porn, anything goes. Is it a matter of personal preference? Author of
Bound and Gagged: Pornography and the Politics of Fantasy in America, Laura Kipnis thinks its something deeper:

Pornography is chock full of…aesthetic shocks and surprises…in a culture that so ferociously equates sexuality with youth, where else but within pornography will you find enthusiasm for sagging, aging bodies, or for their sexualization? There is indeed a subgenera of porn – both gay and straight – devoted to the geriatric. The degree of one’s aesthetic distress when thumbing through magazines with titles like 40+, with its wrinkly models and not-so-perky breasts, or Over 50, with its naked pictorials of sagging white-haired grandmothers (or the white-haired grandfathers of Classics, with their big bellies and vanishing hairlines, and, turning the page, two lumbering CEOs in bifocals and boxer shorts fondling each other), indicates the degree to which a socially prescribed set of aesthetic conventions is embedded in the very core of our beings. And our sexualities.

It also indicates the degree to which pornography exists precisely to pester and thwart the dominant. The vistas of antediluvian flesh in Over 50, or its features like “Promiscuous Granny,” counter all of the mainstream culture’s stipulations regarding sex and sexual aesthetics. One may want to argue that these subgenera of pornography simply cater to “individual preferences” or to dismiss them as “perversions,” depending on who far you carry your normatively. But for the individual viewer, it’s not just a case of different strokes for different folks. Pornography provides a realm of transgression that is, in effect, a counter-aesthetics to dominant norms for bodies, sexualities, and desire itself. And to the extent that portraying the aging body as sexual might be dissed as a perversion (along with other “perversions” like preferring fat sex partners), it reveals to what extent “perversion” is a shifting and capricious social category…a couple of hundred years ago, fat bodies were widely admired

What shapes these subgenera – their content, their raw materials – are precisely the items blackballed from the rest of culture. This watchfully dialectical relation pornography maintains to mainstream culture makes it nothing less than a form of cultural critique. It refuses to let us so easily of the hook for our hypocrisies. Or our unconsciouses.

Edited: March 28th, 2012

Exploring Kinky Fetish Sex Online: My Visit to the Utherverse Red Light District

A brief photo tour of the kinky fetish sex possible in the Utherverse online Red Light Center.

A followup from my previous post on cybersex.

Kinky Fetish Sex Online: That's Me, Tied Up, Having Lesbian Cybersex

Kinky Fetish Sex Online: That's Me, Tied Up, Having Lesbian Cybersex

Kinky Fetish Sex Online: Abduction Fantasy 'Play' Room

Kinky Fetish Sex Online: Abduction Fantasy Room

Kinky Fetish Sex Online: How to Play in the Abduction Fantasy Room

Kinky Fetish Sex Online: How to Play in the Abduction Fantasy Room

Kinky Fetish Sex Online: Adult Baby Fantasy Room

Kinky Fetish Sex Online: Adult Baby Fantasy Room

Kinky Fetish Sex Online: Changing Tables for the Virtual Adult Babies

Kinky Fetish Sex Online: Changing Tables for the Virtual Adult Babies

Kinky Fetish Sex Online: "Public" Confessions (My Favorite!)

Kinky Fetish Sex Online: "Public" Confessions (My Favorite!)

 

Edited: March 25th, 2012

My Life is Ridiculous: The Beautiful Simplicity of Fetish and Fart Porn

I find it completely absurd that I make my living by farting, burping, stomping on little toy men, and sticking things in my butt. Fart porn is my biggest seller.

These fetishes are nothing more than doing the opposite of what we “should” or “shouldn’t”. Women shouldn’t burp or fart; its not ladylike. Men should be taller than women, men should be bigger and stronger than women, women should be sugar and spice and everything nice. You should be fucking the pussy, not the ecoli ridden out-door (let ALONE licking or smelling it!). Etc. Etc. Etc.

Many women consciously worry about farting around their boyfriends. I did. I learned how to hold it in so I wouldn’t make a sound. I know others who did too. Maybe we were nuts, but I felt so embarrassed by my living, breathing body. It was always a relief when it came time in a relationship when I felt I could stop pretending. Crazy or not, its refreshing to be comfortable, be real, and still beautiful to the person I love.

My life is currently a ridiculous experiment: How can I use my sexual energy to express this fetish or that? It stretches my erotic imagination. If you watch my early videos of any fetish, I don’t usually understand it. I’m just doing it mechanically, or how I think it might be, and am pretty insecure about it. As I get more requests and thank-you’s, I start getting the feel of the fetish. I begin to understand what its all about. I don’t know if I’m the world’s greatest fart porn model (there are more than you’d think!), but I have some diehard fans out there. (Hilarious.) Farting and ass fetishes are my most popular videos, and I’ve managed to ‘get’ them fairly well. And I can get turned on by the ass fetish myself sometimes. The fart fetish, not usually, but in the right context – in a submissive, ‘against my will’ setting – I can appreciate it for myself.

Its bizarre in its lack of social grace, yet its almost beautifully simple. It hearkens back to that childlike awe, imagination, and humor the schools tried to beat out of us through mind numbing standardized tests. It certainly takes creativity to see the disgusting as sexy, or to act aroused by a tiny toy figurine.

And by all means, its the safest of sex. No one’s ever caught an STD from a fart.

Edited: March 16th, 2012

Why the Hell Do People Like Fart Porn? What Body Function Fetishes Say About Western Culture

As a producer of fetish video, particularly fart porn, I’m often asked: What’s the appeal? Where do these body function fetishes, like fart fetish, sneeze fetish, burping, pissing and shitting come from?

There are specifics to each fetish, but the bottom line is the same: its a blatant display of behaviors we all do but keep private. And there’s something sexy about seeing women (or men) transgress these norms, lose physical control in “public,” and be, well, disgusting.

We can’t know whether these fetishes existed in different times and in different cultures, but its reasonable to theorize that they’re specific to Western culture. In a chapter on what makes Hustler magazine so popular, Laura Kipnis writes about disgust and the human body:

What we consider gross and disgusting is hardly some permanent facet of the human psyche: it’s historically specific and relatively recent. According to social historian Norbert Elias, disgust only fully emerges in the course of the sixteenth century rise of individualism, during which time we see the invention of the concept of privacy as well: our various requirements about closed (and locked) bathroom doors, our own plates to eat from, and delicacy around sexual and bodily matters are all aspects of this same process. Disgust is something precariously acquired in the course of the civilizing process (and a process that has to be recapitualized in the socialization of each individual modern child). During this social transformation, once communal activities – sleeping, sex, elimination, eating – becomes subject to new sets of rules of conduct and privatization. An increasingly heightened sense of disgust at the bodies and bodily functions of others emerged, and simultaneous with this process of privatization came a corresponding sense of shame about one’s own body and its functions. Certain once-common behaviors become socially frowned upon: spitting, scratching, farting, wiping your mouth on the tablecloth, or blowing your nose into your sleeve were replaced by increasingly detailed rules devoted to restraining the conduct of the body (and even how it might be spoken of) in public.

Historically speaking, manners have a complicated history as a mechanism of class distinction, that is, of separating the high from the low. Implements we now take for granted, like the fork and the handkerchief, were initially seen as upper-class affectations (you both blew your nose into and ate with your hands, and from communal dishes). Only gradually did they filter down through the social hierarchy…

As far more attention came to be paid to proprieties around elimination, to hygiene, to bodily odors, and to not offending others, thresholds of sensitivity and refinement in the individual psyche became correspondingly heightened. It wasn’t just behavior being reformed, it was the entire structure of the psyche, with the most shameful and prohibited behaviors and impulses (those around sex and elimination) propelled into the realm of the unconscious. The split, which Freud would later describe with the terms “ego” and “id,” is what would become the very substance of the modern individual. And the experience of disgust at what was once an ordinary part of daily life has become so completely part of our “nature” that defiance of bodily proprieties can result in actual physical revulsion. When we say of something disgusting “It made me sick,” this can be a physical fact, revealing just how deeply these codes have become embedded in who we are. And how threatening to our very beings transgressions of manners can be…

The power of grossness is very simply its opposition to high culture and official culture, which feels the continual need to protect itself against the debasements of the low (the lower classes, low culture, the lower body…)…

As Norbert Elias puts it, “People…seek to suppress in themselves every characteristic they feel to be animal.”

What’s so shocking about body function fetishes, like fart fetish, is that they’re appealing in part because of this sense of disgust. In a culture where bodily functions are kept private, farts become a hidden – often shameful – fantasy.

Shameless plug – a fantasy that can be fulfilled here and here.

Edited: March 13th, 2012

Question From a Fart Porn Fan: How Common is the Girl Fart Fetish?

A recent email from a girl fart porn fan:

I have a question that only people in the business might be able to answer. About how many people out there would you say have a fart fetish based on sales? I am not interested in how much money you are making so I don’t need an exact figure, just need to get an idea of how many people. I am guessing based on observations that the fetish might not be that rare.

So would you say.

a) under 10,000 people.

b) 10,000 – 100,000

c) 100,000 – 1 million.

d) Over 1 million.

Also, which fetish is the most popular based on volume of sales?

How many fart porn fans exist?

Here was my response:

I’d love to know the answer to your question, but I have NO idea…though I’d guess its AT LEAST 10,000….there is very little known about fetishes in general, but especially not large estimates.

I can tell you that I mostly do fart fetish videos because its what sells. If it was feet, I’d do feet. I don’t know how many different customers I have because I don’t get that info (for their privacy). I do believe other fetishes are more common, particularly foot fetishes. To get a good idea of the most common fetishes on , just look at their top stores. But keep in mind there are plenty of fetishists who don’t frequent that site, so the top fetishes on clips4sale aren’t representative of ALL fetishists. Finally, people’s sexual desires are constantly evolving, so the more popular a fetish becomes, it may draw in people who wouldn’t have otherwise thought of it – the growth may be exponential. Thus, the number of fetishists may always be changing as well.

Edited: January 4th, 2012

What does it mean to be an exhibitionist fetish model?

I’m an exhibitionist.

That means I like being watched. Naked. Having sex, or doing sexual things.

I'm not THAT sort of exhibitionist :)

If someone visited my clip store, they might think I have some pretty kinky desires. They’d be right. But not like they might think…

See, I’m not aroused by every single fetish I perform. As an exhibitionist, I’m aroused by the performance itself. It doesn’t matter if I’m into the fetish, as long as I’m comfortable doing it.

I enjoy the sexual adventure of trying new things. I do have boundaries, of course, but they’re fairly open. I’m a try-it-and-see type of person – once, twice, maybe even three times, just to make sure.

Fetish has taught me to eroticize situations, objects, and body parts I may not have otherwise. Its allowed me to expand my idea of what is sexual, both to myself and others. Whether or not a fetish is MY thing, I can usually see what’s sexy about it. Sometimes I’ll even fantasize about a fetish from my videos, for instance, “thumbelina” fantasies about being a tiny girl with a giant guy or woman. Its not my typical fantasy, but its fun to imagine once in awhile.

So what am I into? What am I not into?

Depends on the day. Sexuality is fluid – it can change day to day, week to week, year to year, decade to decade. As psychologist Lisa Diamond has found, women’s sexual attractions and identities (whether they call themselves straight, lesbian, bisexual, or something else) can shift over time. The same can go for other desires, not just the gender of our partners.

Some things I’ve done in the past I’m not comfortable doing anymore, so I don’t. And vice versa — some things that used to be a ‘no’ are now a ‘maybe,’ ‘sometimes,’ or a ‘yes.’ That goes on- and off-camera.

What’s stayed the same for most of my adult years, is being an exhibitionist. Will I be over exhibitionism one day? Who knows? Who cares? Its where I am now. It excites me and makes me happy. That’s all I can ask for in life.

Edited: December 20th, 2011

Why I Love Fetish, Part 3

Communication. Fetish requires communication, because it sure as hell won’t happen without it.

Sociologists say we operate on social scripts — culturally shared ideas about how we should behave based on social norms. We may or may not personally agree with them, but we figure everyone else does, so when we interact we’re all working from the same script in one way or another.

The typical heterosexual sexual script goes like this: girl gives subtle (often unconscious) cues to guy that she’s interested (playing with hair, way she’s sitting or standing, touching, etc.). Guy makes the first move and generally leads the show around the bases, using that old baseball analogy:

From kissing and touching, maybe stopping in oral town, to the grand finale — penis-in-vagina sex until the guy comes. Ever see a romantic movie? That’s usually what goes down. Unfortunately we let movies tell us how to be when we’re not aware of other options. Ask me how I know.

But there’s nothing necessarily wrong with that scenario. Sometimes I like just letting sex “happen” to me, sometimes I feel like being sexual without putting a whole lot of work into it. When I want, my boyfriend can give me the experience of simply being fucked. Of course, he knows my body to give me some pleasure along the way, and not every dude I’ve been with could. The difference is that we do communicate about sex, and we do have sex where I’m very active, so I feel comfortable and safe going with the flow of his desire. That is, we venture outside the heterosexual script enough that I know I can enjoy our sex whatever we do.

Sadly there are couples who never experience much but the standard script, and it can’t be that satisfying to either party. The largest sex survey of the 90s found that while men had orgasms more often than women, they were similarly physically and emotionally satisfied (or rather, unsatisfied) with their sex lives. Only 40-47% of men and women felt extremely physically and emotionally satisfied with their sex lives, though 75% of men always orgasm with their primary partner (only 29% of women). Now, we don’t really know what they were doing in bedroom or wherever they fuck, but I’d bet good money that those who are more adventurous have better sex. One word: communication.

First, you must voice the desire. Given our sexual scripts, its reasonable to assume my I like having my pussy eaten, but if that’s all I get I’m bored. I need to express the whole of my sexuality, so when I tell my boyfriend about a crazy fantasy I’m opening the line of communication between us. If I can tell him to wrestle me, pin me down, and force me to masturbate by rubbing his dick against my pussy — there’s no reason I can’t guide him how to lick my clit better.

Then, there are logistics. Porn and movies can make it seem like good sex spontaneously happens. Sure, it can. But it can also be funny, awkward, or even painful if its not done right. To make fetish happen, you have to discuss it beforehand — otherwise you have no idea what the other person wants. How do I want to be held down? What parts of my arms should he grab, and which areas will hurt if grabs the wrong way? Where does he pull my hair, and how hard? How much should he let me struggle – does he apply the same strength the entire time, or does he change it up, letting me think I’ll get away and then surprise me back into submission?

So now you’re doing it… and its not quite right. Or its amazing! Either way, communicating during the act will make that clear to your partner. If he pulls my hair and it hurts (not in the good way), I don’t just scream and say “Fuck it, we’re done.” I tell him it hurts, and either guide him how to do it better or give him space to try it another way. Sometimes he comes up with something I’d have never asked for!

Most couples will benefit from “spicing it up” once in awhile, or MORE. Whether you’ve got a crazy kinky side that’s dying to come out, or someone who really enjoys “vanilla” sex — using your words to create a new sexual scenario is empowering and, in my experience, incredibly intimate.

Edited: December 9th, 2011

Sexual Preferences Versus Fetishes

Recently its come to my attention just how dirty I am. As I’ve written previously, I like my natural filth. And my partners’

 

I love the smell and taste of ass, sweat, genitals, and sometimes feet. But I wouldn’t say I have an ass, sweat, dick/pussy, or foot fetish. I wouldn’t say I have a smell fetish either. I appreciate my lover’s body, as is, and his/her smell and taste.

 

It simply feels natural. Its different from my boyfriend’s ass obsession, where he loves (almost) everything about the female behind. He can always get off to anything anal. I don’t necessarily get off on sucking his butthole or feet, though I can.

 

I’d say my dirtiness is a preference. His is a fetish.

Edited: November 1st, 2011

Why I Love Fetish, Part 2

Sociologist Karin Martin studied how preschool kids come to embody their gender.  In layman’s terms, that means the differences in how men and women move their bodies is not just a genetic difference, but a learned behavior.  She found that 82% of girls’ behaviors were “formal,” following rules like raising their hand, sitting up straight, and covering their nose and mouth while sneezing or coughing.  Conversely, 80% of boys’ behaviors were “relaxed,” such yelling, lying down, crawling or running in the classroom.  Why?  Because teachers encouraged girls to follow the rules more than the boys.  To put it in sociological terms: girls are socialized to be polite, small, and quiet, while boys are socialized to become rude, big, and loud.  “Boys will be boys,” right?  Well, yeah, if you teach a boy that.

 

We learn these behaviors early on, which makes them feel natural.  But consider another learned behavior: reading.  Once you know how to read, it feels pretty natural too (try going a whole day without reading any words you see — its almost impossible, unless you’re in a foreign country).  So just because something feels natural doesn’t mean it comes from our biology.

 

What’s that got to do with fetish?  I’m so glad you asked.

 

Until I started making fetish videos, I’d hold in my burps and farts to make sure no one noticed.  Gas is one example of the phenomenon I described above.  Some (inexperienced) guys don’t even realize that women do fart (google up “do women fart”).  Every man I’ve dated burped and farted relatively freely, fairly early on in our relationship.  Some guys I was with never even heard me pass gas once.

 

I spent years and years squeezing my asshole tight to slowly let the air trickle out of my butt, praying the smell wouldn’t tip anyone off (while looking for the nearest guy to blame it on).  The behavior was so “natural” to me that I didn’t even fart freely alone.  But in fetish land, my gas makes cash.  The more I let it fly on camera, the less I cared at home.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t completely disregarded manners.  But among close friends (particularly guys), family, and especially my boyfriend – my body opens up to expel whatever air wants to escape.

 

I’m a pretty dirty person.  I’ve got a dirty mind.  But I’m also physically dirty.  For instance, take showering: I hate it.  I do it as infrequently as possible.  Honestly, if my hair didn’t get greasy, I’d probably go twice as long as I normally do.  Over winter break in third grade, I was quite proud that I didn’t shower or even change my clothes once.  I slept in and wore the same outfit for two weeks straight.  Including my underwear.  Why?  I could psychologize about it, but at the end of the day I just don’t like how it feels to be squeaky clean.  I like my own smell.

 

That was the peril of dating.  I had to shower more, especially in a new relationship.  Rather, I felt I had to shower… and pretend to be someone I’m not.

 

Thankfully, I’ve met my soulmate, who appreciates and encourages my dirtiness.  No matter how weird you are, there’s always someone out there who will love you for you.  That’s what I believe.  Within the first few months of our relationship, I’d go for a jog before going over to his house, unshowered, so he could smell and lick the sweat off my body.  If you’re retching and gagging now, maybe sweat/smell/dirty-body fetishes aren’t for you.  No prob.  For me, its a seriously erotic compliment.  Watching someone’s dick get hard over my natural dirtiness makes my pussy wet.  I love to be worshipped for who I am and how I am.

 

I’m not suggesting everyone forego showers and let all their body functions go in public.  I simply appreciate fetish for giving me the permission I needed to let go of early socialization patterns that don’t feel right for me.

Edited: October 17th, 2011

Why I Love Fetish, Part 1

I’ve made fetish videos on and off over the last 2.5 years.  Understanding the diversity of fetish, I know I could never say I’ve done it all… because trust me, there are dozens of clips4sale categories I haven’t tried yet. :)   That being said, I’ve dabbled in quite a bit of fetish and I’ve come to several conclusions as to why I enjoy it so much.  This is the first entry in a series I call: Why I Love Fetish.

 

Reason #1: It gives me the opportunity to expand my sexual repertoire.

 

Sex should be fun – otherwise, why bother?

 

Fetish is the epitome of fun, in my book anyway.  I’m a very open minded person when it comes to sex.  I’m a weirdo, pervert, whatever you want to call it, so how could I possibly judge anyone else?  I don’t stop at not judging though.  I want to experience.

 

Most of the fetishes I film aren’t mine – they’re my fans’.  Oh, I’m so objectified, doing sexual stuff for others and getting nothing for myself except cold hard cash.  Uh, NOT.  The money’s great, but its not so good I’d sell my principles.  Fetish is my principle.  Play is my principle.  And while I’ve got a fabulously dirty mind, I relish the experience to try crazy things I’d have never thought of.

 

Before making fetish videos, I had a limited understanding of sexual diversity.  Yeah, BDSM, sure.  I’d heard of furries, and who doesn’t know about the old foot fetish?  But never in my life would I have expected to make money playing with toys, pretending to be a giant woman.  A giant bitch, a giant lover, or both – I’ve come to understand the giantess fetish quite well.  I have to credit Katharine Gates’ Deviant Desires: Incredibly Strange Sex for giving me greater insight into this fetish, among others.  But I didn’t read this until I’d been modeling for over 2 years.  I’d given up playing with toys years ago.  Not having a giantess fetish myself, why would I have integrated tiny little men into my sex life?

 

For a full catalog of the fetishes I’ve dabbled in, my clip store is obviously the place to view my library.  But here I’d like to recount some of the most fun fetishes I’ve tried, and what I learned from them:

 

Shoes and Socks on Hands and Feet: This was a private clip, a request from someone I found on craigslist.  I sent him a series of fully clothed images and a short video wearing shoes and socks on my hands and feet.  He preferred sneakers and white gym socks.  I wasn’t even dressed sexy – a slightly baggy long-sleeved shirt and jeans.  He sent me some sample photos so I’d know what he was looking for, and my photo/video set showed me putting them on – sock, sock, shoe, shoe – then posing in different positions.  I asked him about the origin and meaning of his fetish by email, and he said he didn’t know where it came from or why he thought it was hot.  I have to say, I don’t get it.  But who cares?  It gave my boyfriend and I an afternoon of laughter, and food for thought for years to come.  I learned that nothing, I mean NOTHING, is off-limits when it comes to fetish.  No way would I have EVER come up with this as a fetish, and I’ve never heard of anything like this elsewhere.

 

Vaccuuming Giantess: I had several requests for giantess vacuuming, but one took the cake.  I began the clip vacuuming (hey, the floor needed it anyway – that’s what I call multitasking).  The camera took the position as a tiny man hiding in the carpet.  I vacuumed away until I saw him.  Oh, his ass was mine!  I “chased” him around with the vacuum while he ran and hid behind pieces of furniture.  It was obvious I’d win, but I gave him a good run.  Finally, I vacuumed him up… the camera angle switched from BEING him to SHOWING a teeny tiny (.25″) man laying on the carpet in surrender.  The grand finale?  I ran my vacuum over and sucked him up.  Yep, people jerk off to that.  Talk about a fantasy that’s strictly, well, fantasy (unless giant women invade the planet with their giant vacuum cleaners).  And I learned that fantasy is not always rooted in reality.  I’ve long understood that not all fantasies are “meant” to become real, but this clip helped me see how many fantasies are limited to the mind.  The only way I can imagine this fantasy coming true is if a man laid on the floor while a woman put the vacuum cleaner over his face.  Maybe someone’s done that before, who knows.  But that’s about as close as you can get.

 

Nose Pinching: WTF is nose pinching, you ask?  Smashing one’s nose, with fingers, objects, against glass, etc.  I’ve done two of these clips – one against a glass plate and one holding pantyhose against my nose.  The guy who requested these was especially into the “pig nose” look.  Honestly, I don’t know what’s sexy about this.  Maybe some girl made faces at the guy when he was younger and smooshed her face against a glass window at him.  I don’t normally think about the nose as a sexualized part of the body, except to take in my lovers’ smell (yum).  This was another goofy fun clip to do – its hard to keep a straight (and sexy) face for 3-6 minutes doing something so wacky.  So not sexual… except it is!  I learned that there are parts of me that are sexy that I don’t usually consider.  I learned that my nose is masturbation-worthy – considering I wanted a nose job as a teenager (I don’t now), I take it as a compliment.  I learned that something can be sexy in one context, and obnoxious in another (imagine a bratty kid smashing his face at you through a glass window).  Well, I hope those are separate contexts anyway.

 

Cum Eating Instruction: Okay, this one’s been both a request AND my own fetish, so I’ve recently learned.  Since I’m into this one, I’ll give you my personal take on it.   See, men haven’t exactly lined up at my door begging to forcibly eat their own cum, not that I’d mind.  Straight men are so preoccupied with their masculinity that the slightest “gay” thing freaks them out.  If masculinity and heterosexuality were less closely intertwined, I’m certain we’d see more male bisexuality – if not full blown, at least bi play.  You see, I eat my own pussy juice all the time.  I like how it tastes.  I’ll gladly suck it off my boyfriend’s dick or lick it off his face after he eats my pussy.  Of course, I’m bi, and I like eating other girls’ too, but I don’t think its my sexual orientation that makes the difference.  There’s not a social taboo against women eating their own body fluids (probably because straight dudes like and encourage it).  But there’s a huge taboo against eating one’s own guy cum.  OMG WHAT IF IT MAKES YOU GAY?  God fucking forbid.  I love taboo.  I love breaking taboos.  I love men – straight men – who can be “forced” to break taboos (I’m also into forced crossdressing, forced feminization, and forced bi – that against-their-will shit).  When I’m making a cum eating instruction video, I know they’re doing it because I told them to.  I love knowing whoever buys it will (hopefully) swallow their own nut at the end, because most guys wouldn’t… and the fact that they want to be forced to shows that a part of them doesn’t want to either.  I’ve NEVER been with a guy who’s into this in real life, so making these videos has been a great source of exploration for me.  I’ve learned that clips4sale can be my own sexual outlet, my own playground to discover desires I haven’t had much chance to indulge in “real life.”

 

 

So yes, I’m highly experienced when it comes to the weird.  I won’t pretend its not weird, because it is.  That’s what makes it fun.  That’s what makes it fetish.  I celebrate the weirdness in myself, in my partners, and of course in my customers.  I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for their crazy perverted minds, in addition to my own.  By playing out others’ desires, it feeds my imagination and makes me more creative in my personal sex life too.  I’m grateful my understanding and experience of sexuality is constantly being challenged.  It’d be a sad day if I learned I’d done it all, but people are so unique I don’t think that’ll ever be the case.  There are always new things to try.  Come join me!

 

Edited: September 15th, 2011