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Does Penis Size REALLY Matter?

Question via Tumblr:
I read on Twitter that you dont care about penis size. I am kinda dont believe you. Even lesbians care I mean when they are with a man. You gotta care at least 10%. If you had an extremely small penis that when erect barely went in you wouldnt care you would make him wear a strap on or anything (Be advised that adding an add on means you dont like the size) You would be ok with that?

As a generalization, what men are looking for in sex is content. Specific body parts, ideally of specific sizes, specific acts and/or fetishes.

What many women tend to want in sex is context. Which may include the setting and feelings toward the person in general as well as at that particular moment. We enjoy the acts, and do have preferences – but the act in itself isn’t what we want. If I was craving anal sex, I could post a craigslist ad and have 5 guys over in the next hour. But the thought of a random penis in my butt is a turn off. Not my kind of context.

What I want in sex is to feel chemistry, to feel appreciated for who I am as a person, to have my body worshipped and adored, to feel free to explore my desires with a partner who is confident enough in themselves to experiment with both our fantasies together. That is the context. The content may include ‘typical’ sex acts like oral, vaginal or anal sex, as well as toys, roleplaying, fetishes, etc. The content is part of the picture, but the situation is just as – if not more – important.

Of course the content could include penetration with objects of varying size. I have toys that are both smaller and larger than my partner’s average sized dick, and he could care less. In fact, he loves when I can put something really big (bigger than his dick) in my ass. It has nothing to do with his size, its just a different sensation to me, and a different view to him. I’d only have sex with someone who is secure enough in who he is and what he brings to the table to allow me to explore my body and his.

Nobody questions why a guy might enjoy a woman with bigger (or smaller) breasts than his partners’ – certainly it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with hers. Variety is the spice of life.

Edited: November 1st, 2013

Penis Size Worries: Can I Have Sex With a Small Penis?

Like women are stereotypically concerned about being fat, men are worried about penis size.

Its okay. We’re all insecure about something, sometimes. So what are the options with a smaller penis?

Question via Tumblr:
I watched your video about penis size and I appreciate you making it, but I was just wondering what are the smaller guys to do. I understand that we can buy extenders and toys to use, but if I have to put a piece of silicone over my penis to have sex, am I really having sex? Am I doomed to have a non-penetrative sex life without the use of toys and contraptions? I’m sorry just the thought of it really scares me. (thanks for your time Kelsey)

That’s between you and your partner. You don’t have to do anything to ‘extend’ your penis size, nor may your partner even care. Guys put WAY too much emphasis on size. But if your partner doesn’t like it – get a new one. Just like if a guy didn’t like my small boobs – he’d be welcome to go find someone with big ones, if that’s what he really wanted. You can’t be everything to everyone. Just be you, as they say, everyone else is already taken anyway.

On your end, just realize that if it is small, she may enjoy the physical feeling of something larger – which has nothing to do with YOU, just a physical sensation. Just like you may enjoy how fucking her ass feels because its tighter, for example, but it doesn’t mean you don’t like her pussy, her mouth, or her personality. Its an enjoyable sensation. If she likes that feeling, just be willing to explore how she could have that sensation with you, whether it comes from your penis or not.

It doesn’t mean you’ll NEVER have intercourse, it just means to be open to exploring anything that feels good for BOTH of you. Which is something I’d say to anyone no matter how big or small their parts are. Intercourse can be great, but everyone has their own tastes.

For instance, using toys on her for ‘foreplay’ or to help her have an orgasm, then finishing up with intercourse. Or having oral for her and intercoruse for you. Or intercourse then using toys after. Or intercourse one day and something else the next. The possibilities are endless, and she may even have desires that have nothing to do with penis size (spanking, BDSM, roleplay, etc.). Just keep an open mind.

Edited: August 9th, 2013

Premature Ejaculation Vol. 4: Why Your Mind is Against You

Problems lasting long enough? Where does it come from anyway? How does your brain sabotage you? If you understand why you cum so soon and how your brain works, it may be easier to learn how to last longer in bed. AND to be more patient while you’re learning new sexual techniques.

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Edited: June 14th, 2013

Premature Ejaculation Vol. 3: Sex Tips on How to Last Longer in Bed

More tips on how to cure premature ejaculation, for you fast cummers out there.

I share what it is Terry does to stop from cumming too soon plus some simple techniques you can try at home. There’s no shame in learning some new sex techniques, and no one even has to know if you don’t feel like sharing. Just like learning how to ride a bike, it will take practice and patience – try these out and see what works for you!

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Edited: June 7th, 2013

Premature Ejaculation Vol. 2: More Tips on How to Last Longer in Bed

Want to cure premature ejaculation and learn how to last longer in bed?

Following up on my last podcast on premature ejaculation, I discuss a couple tips to hold off from cumming too soon!

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Edited: May 22nd, 2013

Premature Ejaculation Vol. 1: How to Last Longer in Bed

Want to know how to fix your premature ejaculation and learn how to last longer in bed?

Listener question:
I cum to fast for every girl. Even though I have amazing looks I can never keep a girlfriend. They say I’m not hard enough. What can I do? I’m only 22 and I can only last 10 minutes :/

Men of all ages experience premature ejaculation. It can be frustrating for both the guy and his partner. But it can be overcome to have a happier, more satisfying sex life. Listen to find out what I think is going on with this guy’s dick and how to stop premature ejaculation!

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Edited: May 18th, 2013

How Do I Avoid Premature Ejaculation?

There are many techniques available to stop premature ejaculation, what will work completely depends on your body and situation.

via Tumblr:

For instance, some medications can interfere with ‘sexual function’ (especially antidepressants) so getting off pharmaceuticals can sometimes help. Look for a more ‘natural’ or holistic way to deal with the health concerns that made you go onto medication in the first place. If its a situational occurrence, i.e. just happens once in awhile, you can use my husband’s trick to stop from cumming – if he’s getting too close too soon, he pulls out and squeezes the head of his cock, thumb on the top side and fingers on the bottom. There’s a nerve located inside that will cause the erection to go down a bit so its less excited. However if premature ejaculation is a chronic issue that’s been around for several years, its likely become a mental/emotional issue. Often the fear that it will happen is actually the trigger, whether or not there is any physiological problem with your penis.

I’m not an expert on premature ejaculation, so these links on premature ejaculation cures may be of help:

Is Your Dick Out of Commission? Learn About Erectile Dysfunction & Premature Ejaculation From Jacqui Olliver

Furious Masturbation Causes Premature Ejaculation

How to Masturbate

What is Erotic Hypnosis? Interview With Kali “Bliss” Dubois

Edited: May 12th, 2013

Penis Size Matters… Kind Of

In a new study on penis size, 1/3 of women who have vaginal orgasms preferred a larger than average penis, while 60% didn’t care.

Does penis size matter?

It does to some, but don’t reach for those “male enhancement” pills quite yet!

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What do you think? Does size matter?

Edited: November 15th, 2012

Penises Have Feelings Too?

Sometimes our bodies don’t work the way we want. I recently had a Skype consultation with a man with a spanking fetish. He was new to dating after a 20 year relationship, and was very nervous when it came to “vanilla” sex. He’d loved it with his previous partner, until she stopped indulging his fetish and his confidence plummeted. Then erectile dysfunction became an issue, and they virtually stopped having sex altogether.

Now wanting to get back in the saddle, this man was looking to get back in touch with his “vanilla” side.

Whether or not you have a penis or a spanking fetish, there’s something to learn from this man’s experience. What happens when there’s a disconnect between the mind and the body? Between what we want and what ends up happening in the bedroom? And how do we repair it?

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Edited: October 14th, 2012

How Does Stress Affect Your Sex Life?

Stressed out? Welcome to the club! Modern life is pretty stressful, which can wreak havoc on your sex life.

When you’re stressed out, your body goes into fight or flight or freeze mode – and it doesn’t want to fuck. We’re so stressed out these days that our bodies aren’t often relaxed enough to want or enjoy sex.

I give a basic explanation of how the body responds to stress, proven ways to reduce stress, and have an even better sex life.

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Edited: October 7th, 2012

Sex News: Dick Pics Are “Normal”… And Natural?

The largest internet study on sex finds:

Men like to show off their junk: On the adult networking site, 36 percent of men use an image of a penis as their avatar; only 5 percent of women use a vagina. On Reddit’s heterosexual Gone Wild forum, where users are free to post NC-17 pictures of themselves, 35 percent of images self-posted by men consist of penises.

Many men are obsessed with their penises. When I webcam on Streamate, I notice men’s screennames often refer to their dick – its size, shape, and ability to make me cum (yeah, right).

The researchers suggest they’re compelled by an unconscious, evolutionary urge inherited from our primate ancestors: male monkeys and apes routinely display their penis to females to indicate sexual interest. In other words, it’s a very natural urge; of course, so is burping, but most men are able to restrain their sonorous belches around the ladies.

But men are also interested in looking at penises themselves. And not just gay men: The number of searches for “pussy” in our Web search data just barely beats out searches for “dick,” 1,096,614 to 938,134. Big Dick is a popular category of porn on all of the major heterosexual adult tube sites, including PornHub, the most popular adult video site in the world.

For men, the penis can never be too big. Just .2 percent of men wish they had a smaller penis, compared to 9 percent of women who wish they had smaller breasts. Indeed, there are more than six times the number of searches for “big dick” than “small dick.” In our set of 42,337 most popular adult sites in the world, there are 1,072 Web sites that feature heterosexual porn with large penises, including Monsters Of Cock, Mr.Biggz, and Teens Like It Big. The number of sites devoted to small penises? Just three: PinkyDick, Little-Cock, and My Tiny Dick.

Is it evolutionary? Perhaps. Or it may be a broader cultural anxiety about penis size – where men obsess over how well they measure up. I saw an infomercial for new “male enhancement” pills last night that said something like – Women say this is what they want in a partner:

1. Honesty
2. Friendship
3. Stability
4. Commitment
5. Humor

But this is what they REALLY care about:


Then they crossed out #2, because if you have SIZE, money doesn’t matter so much.

No wonder men are so worried.

Do you think men are obsessed with their penises? Why do you think men post dick pics all over the web?

Edited: September 12th, 2012

What’s the Best Way to Measure Your Penis Size

A reader wants to know about his penis size, how to measure and the best sex position for his curved dick.

I have a penis question. I need your opinion. After seeing you videos, and googling around I feel a bit more confident, however, what\’s your opinion on my penis size.

I’m 6in long, 4.5in girth (I sometimes think I have a pencil d*cK, since my girth is small).

Is it reallly small???

Also, I curve downward like a banana, so when I use a string to measure length, I get 7in instead of 6in when using a ruler. What’s the correct way to measure.

Also, please help me. What positions are good for a downward curved penis. Missionary is not working, doggy works, but partner does not like doggy.

Your penis is average to above average. Average length is 5-6″, girth 4.5-5.5″.  These are estimates, of course.  There’s no right or wrong way to measure – from the top, bottom, or side.  If you’re using a string, you’re probably getting a more accurate measure if its curved.  Go with whatever number you like best. :)

I’d say doggystyle would be best for a downward curved dick, but reverse cowgirl could also be pleasurable for her – your dick will hit her g-spot better, if she enjoys that sensation.

Edited: August 29th, 2012

The Dreaded Penis Size Issue

The biggest (ha) thing I’ve learned as a sex worker is that (many) guys are OBSESSED with penis size. And no matter how big they are, they’re still insecure. Some even wish they were smaller!

So today I set the record straight about dick size. Agree? Disagree? Ladies, feel free to chime in with your personal opinion.

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Edited: August 28th, 2012

Why Does the Penis Look Like That?

Some scholars believe we’re naturally NOT monogamous… in which case, this penis theory makes a lot of sense.

If you were to examine the penis objectively—please don’t do this in a public place or without the other person’s permission—and compare the shape of this organ with the design of the same organ in other species, you’d notice the following uniquely human characteristics. First, despite variation in size between individuals, the human penis is especially large compared with that of other primates. When erect, it measures on average between five and six inches in length and about five inches in circumference. Even the most well-endowed chimpanzee, the species that is our closest living relative, doesn’t come anywhere near this. Rather, even after correcting for overall mass and body size, chimp penises are about half the size of human penises in both length and circumference. In addition, only the human species has such a distinctive mushroom-capped glans, which is connected to the shaft by a thin tissue of frenulum (the delicate tab of skin just beneath the urethra). Chimpanzees, gorillas, and orangutans have a much less extravagant phallic design—more or less all shaft. It turns out that one of the most significant features of the human penis isn’t so much the glans per se as the coronal ridge it forms underneath.

This “semen displacement theory” is the most intriguing part of Gallup’s story. Since sperm cells can survive in a woman’s cervical mucus for up to several days, if she has more than one male sexual partner over this period of time, say within forty-eight hours, then the sperm of these two men are competing for reproductive access to her ovum. So how did nature equip men to solve the adaptive problem of other men impregnating their sexual partners? The answer, according to Gallup, is that their penises were sculpted in such a way that the organ would effectively displace the semen of competitors from their partner’s vagina, a well-synchronized effect facilitated by the “upsuck” of thrusting during intercourse. Specifically, the coronal ridge offers a special removal service by expunging foreign sperm. According to this analysis, the effect of thrusting would be to draw other men’s sperm away from the cervix and back around the glans, thus scooping out the semen deposited by a sexual rival.

Edited: August 26th, 2012

Is Your Dick Out of Commission? Learn About Erectile Dysfunction & Premature Ejaculation From Jacqui Olliver

You don’t have to suffer from erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. Listen and learn how to make that dick work for you, not against you.

Learn the four hidden causes of erectile dysfunction here.

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: August 25th, 2012

The Effect of Bisphenol-A (BPA) on (Straight) Male Sexuality

Too much BPA in the system cripples male sexuality – at least for rats.

Are you having little luck in the search for your soulmate? When you finally meet a woman does she seem disinterested? What could it be? Your breath? Your clothes? Findings from a new study (1) suggest it may be your mother’s dietary exposure to bisphenol A (BPA).

Jena Pincott writes about the effect of BPA on male sexuality:

Much of the trouble with BPA lies in its ability to fool estrogen receptors into thinking it’s estrogen. Imagine a man doesn’t know that the woman he’s marrying is really an alien in drag, and you have a sense of the danger here. BPA disrupts any process that estrogen normally mediates, affecting brain, body, and behavior. It also tinkers with the way genes express themselves, turning up those that would otherwise be turned off or down. BPA exposure has been linked to breast cancer, heart disease, obesity, diabetes, attention-deficit disorder, increased anxiety, a decreased IQ in children and a low sperm count in men.

“One of the prominent effects of early BPA exposure is that it eliminates a number of sex differences in brain and behavior,” the researchers wrote. It turned out that BPA-exposed males have impaired spatial ability (can’t find their way out of a maze or to their nest, considered unattractive to females). They also suffer from decreased exploratory ability (incurious and easily lost), and overall reduced attractiveness to the opposite sex. They may even smell different from their peers—in rodents, a sign of unhealthiness. Females are disgusted.

The good news, as I describe in my book, is that there is laboratory evidence that a diet high in folic acid and B12 may reverse at least some of the nasty effects of prenatal BPA exposure. How? One way that BPA tinkers with our systems is by attaching itself to strands of DNA and “turning on” certain genes (removing methyl groups) that are normally turned off—resulting in obesity, cancer, and other problems. This is classic epigenetics—an environmental trigger affects the way that genes behave. Nutrients in green vegetables, beans, eggs, and soy may be protective (in those of us who include enough in our diet) because they turn off genes that BPA otherwise turns on.

I wonder what effect BPA levels have on gay or bisexual men’s sexuality. Are males as turned off as females? Gotta find some gay lab rats…

Edited: April 7th, 2012

Sex News: Is It True What They Say About Guys With Big Feet?

Great sex news for guys with small feet. Bad news for guys with big feet.

The answer? No.

Sex News: No Relationship Between Penis Size and Shoe Size

Sex News: No Relationship Between Penis Size and Shoe Size

Don’t judge a book by its cover. You gotta take off its pants first.

Edited: January 11th, 2012

Does penis size matter?

Sex educator Kicesie talks about penis size, and whether it matters to men AND women:

Here’s my opinion: I prefer somewhat above average sized cock. I want it to fit perfectly inside me.

But that doesn’t mean I’d end a relationship if the guy had a smaller (or bigger) dick. If I cared enough about the person, we’d find a way to make it work. Maybe play with toys if I wanted that feeling. Penis size isn’t everything. Its who the person is and what they do with it that matters.

Edited: January 7th, 2012