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The Surprising Thing That Will Ruin Your Sex Life

Good food, good sex. Bad food, bad sex.

The average American diet is actually a killer of good sex. To fully enjoy the natural delights of good sex, the human body must have the following:

1. A desire for sex

2. Adequate blood flow to the genitals

3. The endurance/stamina to get the job done

It turns out that the desire for sex, maintaining adequate blood flow to the genitals, and physical endurance are all chemically driven processes that are largely determined by the food you eat…

Read more…

Edited: September 16th, 2013

A Happy Sex Life Needs a Healthy Body: Magnesium and Your Sex Drive

I recently did my first gallbladder cleanse after having some digestion problems.

I also just tried out a sensory deprivation tank (aka ‘float tank’) after stumbling across this video series on YouTube:

What does this have to do with sex?

Both involved epsom salt (magnesium sulfate) – and a LOT of it. Drinking it for the cleanse, then floating in about 800 lbs of it in the sensory deprivation tank. I’ve been into natural health for several years and have seen a HUGE improvement in how my body feels. I used to eat McDonald’s all the time, but in the last 4 years I’ve switched to a mostly organic diet, no HFC/aspartame/transfats/etc., and only using pharmaceutical drugs when absolutely necessary (turns out, its not that often with a better diet!). But I didn’t know that a majority of Americans are seriously magnesium deficient even with a healthy diet.

According to Dr. Carolyn Dean, magnesium is important not only for general health, but for our sex lives! Magnesium increases circulation, relaxes muscles and can be very calming – all the prerequisites for having a good sex life. Or, at least, some of them! Magnesium deficiency is also associated with PMS.

During my cleanse I felt VERY calm and had really really REALLY great sex (this was before I was sick in the bathroom pooping out gallstones). I had multiple orgasms and squirted buckets. And since the float tank, my muscles have been more relaxed in general and my pussy feels more sensitive – in a good way! I wasn’t doing it for the sexual benefits – I didn’t know there’d be any – but that’s always a pleasant ‘side effect!’ I’m following up with a second cleanse this weekend.

Think about it – you have sex with your body. Its your sexual instrument, so to speak. If its out of tune or falling apart – it won’t make very good music. Right? That’s not limited to magnesium, but hey! – this can be a start.

So check out this video to get a more complete understanding of how magnesium deficiency affects the body, what you may be doing to make it worse, and how you can improve your physical (and mental) health:

Edited: May 30th, 2013

Does Your Lube Increase Your Likelihood of Catching an STD?

How does your favorite lube measure up?

Like many personal care products, most commercial lubes are filled with chemicals I wouldn’t rub on my external parts, let alone INSIDE my body. Not since researching phathalates, parabens, etc. But I didn’t know that some lubes make STD transmission MORE likely!

Since there are safer alternatives out there, why choose wetness over safety? I love organic coconut oil, but its not good if you’re using condoms. Sometimes I like a thicker lube, especially if I’m using sex toys, so I go for Good Clean Love, which is 95% organic and happens to be the safest lube they studied!

Its my favorite lube I’ve ever used, but if you have any suggestions for natural/organic lubes – leave a comment!

Edited: April 18th, 2013

How to Talk About Safer Sex: What Are YOUR Preferences?

The only truly “safe” sex is masturbation (can’t catch a disease from yourself!). So when it comes to partner sex, let’s talk safeR sex.

I’ll admit something most sex teachers won’t: I FUCKING HATE CONDOMS. I love the feel of my partner’s body against mine, inside of mine, their skin on my skin. I love that he can lick my pussy in the middle of fucking me, and we don’t have to clean off lube or spermicide. I love tasting his cock in my mouth – not latex, which leaves behind a distinctive flavor and smell even when the condom is removed. I always think latex fetishists got it easy in the safer sex department!

And I FUCKING HATE BIRTH CONTROL PILLS. I got off them 3.5 years ago when I discovered an increased risk of breast cancer, which runs in my family. When I stopped the pill after 10 years, I discovered that it had been suppressing my arousal and attractions. I became even more physically attracted to Terry, especially his taste and smell.

Being married, monogamous with men, only having sex with porn girls who have been recently STD tested, and being tested once a month myself — I have the luxury of condomless sex. For birth control, we go all natural: the fertility awareness method and withdrawal. Contrary to popular belief, when practiced perfectly withdrawal has only a 4-8% pregnancy rate, and Terry has very good control. We’ve been doing some version of this for 3.5 years with no pregnancy, and have recently studied how to more formally chart my cycle. Having anal sex in lieu of vaginal on my more fertile days adds extra protection, though we’re not perfect about it. But the moral of the story is: we’re not worried about disease, and were an “accident” to occur we’d go with the flow and become parents.

But were I to enter the dating world again, I’d definitely make any new male partners slap on a condom until we were committed and got tested together. And he’d only get to pull out if he could handle it (though realistically any guy who could keep up with me would have a high level of sexual awareness anyway). If he were to have sex with other women, he’d either have to use a condom or they’d have to be tested too. I wouldn’t use dental dams or any protection with female partners, but I’d definitely get tested with them as well. And would want to know they had similar precautions if they were fucking men too.

Those are my preferences. Those are the risks I’m comfortable taking. What are yours?

Reid Mihaklo describes his “safer sex elevator speech,” you know, for those times you have a random elevator hookup. Joking aside, these are really important questions to ask yourself, to share with your partner, and to ask how they feel:

(1) When were you last tested for STDs, what did you get tested for, and what was the status of those tests?
(2) What is your current relationship status and sexual orientation, and what, if any, relationship agreements do you have that the other person should know about?
(3) What are your Safer Sex Protocols and needs?
(4) One or two things that you know you like sexually (or might want to do with this person).
(5) One thing you know you don’t like sexually (or that you aren’t up for today).
(6) Optional: Quick rundown of any risky sexual things you’ve done since you were last tested.
(7) Last step: Then ask the other person, “And how about you?” and listen to what they say and how they say it…

Don’t wait for your partner to say something, because chances are they won’t. But if you have the courage to break the ice and give your lover space to share their thoughts – you’ll both get to enjoy sex without any worry.

Edited: December 12th, 2012

Who Can REALLY Answer Your Sex and Sexual Health Questions?

Doctor knows best, right? WRONG. Various studies show physicians don’t know everything about STDs and sexual health… And sometimes, they’re flat out wrong.

I once spoke with a woman whose doctor told her she could get HPV from taking a shower in the locker room after soccer practice.

FYI – You can’t.

So what’s up with doctors, why do (some of them) know so little? Where should you turn to get your sex questions answered? Listen to find out…

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Edited: September 14th, 2012

Think You Know About Sexual Health?

Even though the only sex education some of us get is about STDs, many adults are still in the dark when it comes to sexual health.

7 Sexual health myths debunked:

If my test is clean, I don’t have Herpes

Believe it or not, even though Herpes is such an easily spreadable virus, it is not tested for in most STD tests. Most people who get clear test results rely on those as “proof” that the little sore on their mouth is not herpes. But actually, it’s estimated that 50%-80% of North Americans have either type 1 or type 2 or Herpes, so be sure to ask for this test specifically the next time you go in for a general STD screening.

[Note: Many people have herpes, never test positive for it, and show no symptoms. Others have just a single outbreak. Herpes can be significantly diminished through diet and supplements.]

I can get Herpes from a toilet seat

The Herpes virus is extremely fragile and cannot survive outside of the human body for long—it can diminish within seconds and dries out as soon as it is exposed to air. There has yet to be a proven case of someone contracting Herpes from a toilet seat.

[Note: It is possible to pick up pubic lice (crabs) from a toilet seat, but its EXTREMELY rare.]

Sexual Health Fact: You might get an STD from THIS toilet seat.

Sexual Health Fact: You might get an STD from THIS toilet seat.

Condoms Protect Against All STIs

While you should definitely use protection with new partners whose sexual health you are not familiar with (sorry for the after school special), there is unfortunately little evidence that shows that condoms can protect against genital warts.

[Note: So-so protection against herpes and HPV, because unlike HIV that's transmitted by body fluids, these are transmitted by skin rubbing against skin. Condoms only cover part of the skin and the viruses can be located in parts that aren't covered.

For women having sex with women, the risk of STD transmission is low, but herpes and HPV transmission are similarly possible by rubbing pussies together. Dental dams (latex sheets) may help some but they'd move around too much to be completely effective.]

Most STD’s have obvious symptoms

I’m just going to say it: men believe this far more than women do. You’ve probably heard a guy say, “everything looks fine down there.” But, it doesn’t matter how anything looks. (Of course, if it looks weird, get it checked out!) Many STD’s never show symptoms, clear up on their own, but leave you with long-term health problems. Others do show symptoms, but only after having been in your system for months if not years, at which point the risks to your health could be severe.

I can’t get pregnant while on my period

It is rare but definitely possible, especially for women with particularly long periods that overlap with the beginning of their ovulation. Sperm can survive inside the human body for up to 72 hours so, if you have intercourse towards the end of your period, and your ovulation begins right after that sperm, has plenty of time to work its magic.

Women have to get a pap once they turn 18

Remember in senior year of high school when girls would subtly slip away for a mid-day doctor’s appointment and whisper about it later? That’s not necessary anymore. Research has found a pap smear isn’t necessary until a girl has been sexually active for three years, or until she turns 21. Why? Most incidents of HPV clear themselves up within three years. It is only the ones that would stick around longer than that that one needs to be concerned about, and those would show up in a later pap.

Taking the morning after pill is the same as getting an abortion

The most prominent fact that proves this myth wrong is that, if you take the morning after pill once you are in fact pregnant, it won’t make have the slightest effect. Many websites fail to mention the difference between the abortion pill and the morning after pill, meanwhile studies have found that 30% of sexually active adolescents believe the two to be one and the same.

[Note: The morning after pill makes it difficult for the egg to be fertilized, and if it is, to implant. Technically not abortion, but someone could make the case that the latter is a pre-abortion of sorts.]

Edited: February 23rd, 2012

Sexual Health: Why Don’t Americans Use Condoms?

Condoms are in the best interest of your sexual health, right?

So Why Aren’t More Americans Using Them?

Its hardly a mystery to me. I’m one of a few sex educators who will come out and say it: condoms suck. And not in the good way.

Not to say they don’t have their place. If I were to fuck another guy, unless he had a clear HIV and herpes test, I’d almost certainly use a condom. And if someone asked the best way to protect their sexual health during penetration, and to prevent pregnancy without hormonal contraception, condoms are the obvious choice.

But that doesn’t mean they don’t suck. And that’s one reason (of many) why I choose not to fuck other guys right now.

Condoms and Sexual Health: Bleh

Condoms: Bleh

I much prefer to feel my boyfriend’s bare cock in my pussy (on my ‘unfertile’ days), ass, and mouth. To feel his skin on my skin. Fucking with condoms feels like using a cheap sex toy. I’d rather not bother.


Edited: December 31st, 2011