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Are Lesbians Who Like Strapons Reeeeeally Straight?

Sexual orientation is different from sexual preferences and the acts we enjoy. That is, doing a particular act doesn’t “make” someone gay or straight, nor does being gay, straight or anything else really imply what it is you DO with your partner. Only the gender or sex of your partner.

Here’s an example…

How do you like strap-ons but not dicks? Have you ever thought about trying out the real thing?

    Her response:

The number of people who ask me, whether via social media or in person, whether I’ve “thought about” having straight sex floors me. Do you really think I’ve gone through life unaware of the possibility of heterosexuality? I’ve thought about it, and my thoughts on the matter can be summed up rather neatly as “ewww, gross”.

I am reminded of door to door church people who start with “have you heard the good news” as if there is a person in the United States who has just never heard about Christianity.

I’ve always known I wasn’t into dudes. The whole hetero life plan is pretty present, even for little kids…fall in love and marry a boy, have kids, etc. I knew I wasn’t into it, but it was only when I was a bit older that I realized I was gay, and not just destined to die alone and be eaten by my numerous cats.

    My two cents:

Enjoying the feeling of penetration has nothing to do WHO you want doing the penetrating.

That’s like telling a totally straight guy who enjoys pegging (getting fucked with a strap on) with his girlfriend that he should go try dudes.

Or telling a gay guy who likes anal sex (as the “top,” putting his dick in the butthole) that he should try chicks because they have assholes too. Or a pussy. I mean a hole is a hole, is it not?

Yet ironically, there are some straight women AND gay men who don’t care for penetration. What we call sexual orientation refers to who we are sexually attracted to, but what we enjoy DOING with those partners is a distinct preference.

Edited: November 16th, 2013

Am I Bisexual?

What does it mean to be bisexual?

Question via Tumblr:

What would you call someone who is attracted to the penis itself, but not so much the owner of that penis. I can get off to other cocks, especially the big, chunky cocks, but I guess I’m not too interested in the guys identity. He is an object or a god, but never just a dude I want to love, unless maybe he is very transsexual. Would I still fall into some sort of bisexual category?

You and I are the opposite, then… I don’t care so much about the penis except when its attached to someone I really like. lol.

There is no inherent ‘bisexual category,’ merely labels we use to describe ourselves more easily. Bisexuality is quite diverse… its rare someone is 50/50 attracted to men and women in the same way. Some prefer one for sex, the other for love, one for fantasy, the other for reality, or some mix of both. And it can change throughout life, depending who is around, etc.

It sounds to me like dicks turn you on. Cool for you. If you’re not planning on dating one, then I personally wouldn’t call you bisexual, but that’s my interpretation. Other people might. Tons of girls are ‘open’ to women but its not their main thing… they usually don’t call themselves bi. I’ve heard ‘heteroflexible,’ ‘mostly straight,’ or ‘straight but curious.’ Its just a label, it doesn’t really mean anything about who you are as a human being. So just enjoy whatever penises come your way.

Edited: August 2nd, 2013

I Like Sucking Dick But I Don’t Want To Do It: How Can I Change My Sexual Desires?

Question via Tumblr:

So, I’m a guy and I’ve got this fixation with giving head. I absolutely love doing it but I’m not attracted to guys at all and prefer relationships and sex with women. Is there anyway I can get away from the fixation.

Its hard to believe you’re not attracted to guys AT ALL if their penises somehow end up in your mouth. Unless they’re falling from the sky, you probably are attracted to guys, at least sexually.

But that doesn’t mean you have to act on it or be in a relationship with a dude if you prefer women. As far as I know, no research has ever documented people successfully changing their sexual desires. If the did, you’d better believe there’d be even more programs to make gay people straight. They can only change their behavior.

Imagine a person who wants to make a change from the typical American ‘lifestyle’ of fast food and couch-sitting to be healthier. They don’t like how it feels and are CHOOSING to change. They switch to organic foods, eat more fruits and vegetables, exercise daily, etc. In time, they come to enjoy broccoli and carrots, preferring how it makes them feel. But it doesn’t mean they STOP liking cheeseburgers and chocolate cake.

They have two options: (1) swear them off completely or (2) find a way to integrate their favorite tastes without ruining the lifestyle they really want. People who diet usually go for (1), which is why diets almost always fail. You can’t stop yourself from liking something, and the more you focus on TRYING not to like it, the more tempting it becomes. If a person tells themselves, “Okay, I’m going to a birthday party tonight, but I’m NOT going to eat any cake. No cake. No cake. No cake,” what typically happens? They can’t get cake off their fucking mind and next thing they know, they’re stuffing themselves full. And maybe its not just one piece, but 3 or 4. Then they go home feeling guilty, ashamed and bloated. “Why did I eat that fucking cake?” they whine. Because all they did is think about it!

Option (2) is far more realistic. Instead of buying ground beef and a bakery-made cake from Von’s (or whatever their typical supermarket), perhaps they get it from Whole Foods. Instead of picking up a double quarter pounder with cheese and a large fry from McDonald’s, they cook a small organic grass fed burger and baked potato at home. And if they go to a birthday party, they may bring their own snacks, wait to eat a healthier version when they return home, or indulge in just a piece. A piece.

Its the same with sex. You can’t deny your fantasies, but choose how to act on them. Maybe just fantasizing while you masturbate or watching gay porn is enough. Or find a girl who would enjoy threesomes with another guy. Browse craigslist & depending where you live, there are often single dudes wanting to join a couple, and couples looking for single guys. Perhaps dabble in the swinger’s scene. Many clubs are homophobic and don’t allow guy-guy contact, but if you live in an open minded area you may find groups that are down with male bisexuality. Find a way you can accept your desires into the ‘lifestyle’ you want, and look for a partner with whom you can share this side of your sexuality in one way or another.

Edited: April 28th, 2013

I’m a Guy Who Likes Transsexuals: Am I Bisexual?

Does liking transsexuals make one bisexual?

Question via Tumblr:

When I lived in Florida I had some fun with a few black transsexuals. They were Beautiful and had huge thick cocks. I really enjoyed it. I had always been with girls before. Does this mean I might be Bisexual? I haven’t had any cock in almost 7 years.

If you “haven’t had any cock in almost 7 years” it implies you’ve been with transsexuals or guys before. Though you also say you’ve only been with girls, so which is it? Either way, you obviously enjoy penises. Cool. If you’d rather the body look like a guy, then maybe you’re bisexual. If you’d rather the body its attached to look like a woman, then you have some ‘orientation’ toward transsexuals. We don’t have a term for that in American culture. While its not the ‘traditional’ meaning, you can use bisexual if you want. And if you don’t care whether the penis is on a man’s or a woman’s body – then perhaps that’s the truest bisexual that’s out there!

But does the label really matter? These are just terms scientists have used to describe variations in sexual behavior that have permeated popular culture. It doesn’t mean anything absolute about your sexuality, since people’s preferences can change throughout their life, in certain situations and with different people. Liking dick on a transsexual doesn’t necessarily mean you want guys, but if you do – go for it. Just enjoy whatever turns you on and don’t worry about what to call yourself. Its much more fun to fuck than worry about what social box you fit into you.

Edited: April 12th, 2013

My Husband Watches Gay Porn, Does That Make Him Gay?

Fantasizing about someone of the same sex or gender doesn’t make anyone gay. Really, nothing makes anyone gay – gay is a label we use to describe people who like people of the same sex. But many people experiment or have fantasies without wanting a serious relationship.

Similarly, Terry enjoys licking my feet during sex sometimes, but I wouldn’t say he has a foot fetish. (Though saying anyone HAS a fetish is, like calling someone gay, is just a label as well.) Its just something he enjoys sometimes. Its part of his fantasies. But its not the focus of his desires, nor is it necessary for his sexual happiness. Its simply one desire among many.

When I webcam or do phone sex, I often talk to “straight” men who want to be “forced” to have sex with other men. These men often want to be submissive, performing oral sex or receiving anal sex. Most just fantasize, some will do it, but its not a strong enough desire that they see themselves as gay or even bisexual. They want to be made to do it because they never would by themselves.

Sexual attraction is far more diverse than the categories we have to describe – gay, straight, bisexual, fetish, BDSM, vanilla. Most people have a variety of fantasies that don’t fit neatly into a single box.

What’s your opinion? Is he gay? What about you? Do you have fantasies that don’t match your “sexual orientation”?

Edited: November 16th, 2012