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Sexual Health: Why Don’t Americans Use Condoms?

Condoms are in the best interest of your sexual health, right?

So Why Aren’t More Americans Using Them?

Its hardly a mystery to me. I’m one of a few sex educators who will come out and say it: condoms suck. And not in the good way.

Not to say they don’t have their place. If I were to fuck another guy, unless he had a clear HIV and herpes test, I’d almost certainly use a condom. And if someone asked the best way to protect their sexual health during penetration, and to prevent pregnancy without hormonal contraception, condoms are the obvious choice.

But that doesn’t mean they don’t suck. And that’s one reason (of many) why I choose not to fuck other guys right now.

Condoms and Sexual Health: Bleh

Condoms: Bleh

I much prefer to feel my boyfriend’s bare cock in my pussy (on my ‘unfertile’ days), ass, and mouth. To feel his skin on my skin. Fucking with condoms feels like using a cheap sex toy. I’d rather not bother.

 

Edited: December 31st, 2011

Kelsey’s Sex Tips: Only Have Sex When You Want Sex

Sometimes my sex tips sound obvious. Why have sex when you don’t want it?

Unfortunately, most women (and some men) have had at LEAST one experience when they’ve had sex but really wanted something else.

When I read The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships ,and Other Adventures several years ago, it dawned on me: sex is for pleasure.

I’d previously been having sex to feel love, comfort, physical affection. I was very disconnected from my body and didn’t find much pleasure in sex. I didn’t know any other way.

Dr. Margaret Paul’s sex tips discuss some reasons we have sex:

- Feeling insecure and wanting to feel loved or validated through sex.

- Hoping that by having sex the other person will like you or love you.

- Having sex as a form of control over the other person’s feelings for you.

- Feeling sexual desire and wanting another person to take care of it for you.

- Hoping that having sex will release stress.

- Hoping that having sex will put you to sleep.

- To have a sense of power and control over someone in general.

- To avoid facing feelings of loneliness and aloneness, or other painful feelings.

- To be held and get the affection that you want.

- Feeling filled with love and wanting to express it physically to the person you love.

She states, Other than the last reason, all the others are from a wounded part of you — your wounded self.

I would add one more good reason for sex: Feeling filled with lust and wanting to express it physically to a partner also filled with lust. Good sex doesn’t require love.

See, Dr. Paul’s sex tips are coming from a sex addiction perspective – a label thrown around way too generously these days. Nonetheless, she’s got a point – sex that’s not for pleasure will not be pleasurable.

Love yourself. Respect yourself. The insecurity, loneliness, and need for power and control will be gone, and you’ll have sex for your own right reasons.

Edited: December 29th, 2011

What does the G spot have to do with female orgasm?

Super cute sex educator Kicesie talks about the G spot – where to find it, and how to use it:

I’d say more pressure on the G spot than the clit, once I get warmed up. But everyone’s different!

Edited: December 27th, 2011

How It Feels to Be a Sex Worker: On Stigma and Shame

I didn’t just “fall” into being a sex worker .

For me, its been a deliberate and often difficult choice. Its one thing to teach and write about others’ sexuality, which I did for several years. Its quite another to put my own sexuality out in the open. The choice to be a sex worker arouses more than just my pussy, it forces me to overcome my own sexual issues.

Sex Worker

Sex Worker

 

Michael Warner asks, “Shouldn’t it be possible to allow everyone sexual autonomy, in a way consistent with everyone else’s sexual autonomy?”

In her book Shameless: Sexual Dissidence in American Culture, Arlene Stein describes sexual shame as “a judgement against the self, a feeling that one is bad, defective, incompetent, inadequate, weak, unlovable, or disgusting…arises from the failure to live up to an internal image of oneself” (6) (emphasis added).

This differs from sexual stigma. Erving Goffman is famous for writing on social stigma. Shame is something an individual feels about him or herself. Stigma is “an attribute that is deeply discrediting,” says Goffman in The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life.

In regular person speak, stigma is like a negative stereotype about a group of people or type of person – blacks, the disabled, gays and lesbians, sex workers. When you meet someone, if you don’t know anything about them, you could pre-judge them as being lesser, almost like the caste system in India. When it comes to sex, stigmatized sexualities are viewed as dirty, immoral, or abnormal. Stereotypical sex workers, for instance, are dirty abused women with low self-esteem, whoring out their bodies to be used and abused by others.

The stigma of being a sex worker leads many women to keep their careers a secret

The stigma of being a sex worker leads many women to keep their careers a secret.

Any individual can agree or disagree with social stigma. A straight person can fully support gay rights – when they meet a gay person, they would not view him negatively. Nonetheless, a gay person must deal with stigma, because whether they like it or not they must interact with people who think they live an immoral lifestyle. Even living in a town like San Francisco, no gay person can avoid experiencing the stigma of homosexuality – be it though family, friends, coworkers, the media, religion, or even the grocery store clerk.

A person who experiences stigma and internalizes it will feel shame. They have drunk the koolaid, so to speak, and agree on some level that something is wrong with them.

Until 1973, psychologists thought homosexuality was a mental disorder because they saw so much depression in gays and lesbians. Then the American Psychological Association ruled that it was not homosexuality itself that was a problem – rather, it was the social stigma that made gays and lesbians feel so bad. The stigma created shame about their sexual orientation. If we lived in a world where nobody cared about the gender of our sex partners, these people would feel just fine.

Sex workers – strippers, prostitutes, porn stars, webcam models, phone sex operators – are a highly stigmatized bunch. There’s that joke about fathers – your only job in life is to keep your daughter off the stripper pole. Killing hookers in Grand Theft Auto. Insulting the go go dancer’s job on Tough Love on VH1 (which I wouldn’t even call sex work).

You don’t see positive images of sex workers nearly as often negative ones. Its the reason many sex workers keep their careers a secret. Most girls I work with either hide what they do, OR have family/friends/boyfriends who openly hate it.

Being a sex worker is not a legitimate career: Just say no!

Being a sex worker is not a legitimate career: Just say no!

At times I’ve felt crippling shame for who I am, what I like, and what I do. Its made my daily life, my relationships, and pursuing my goals and dreams a bit challenging. The voice in my head has judged me for what makes me happy. Cognitively, I’ve long believed there’s nothing wrong with what I’m doing. But emotionally I’ve feel pretty terrible about myself.

As my business grows, so must I, and honestly its incredibly difficult at times. Sometimes my emotions get triggered, and I’ve spend days judging, questioning, and second-guessing myself. Why do I want to be a sex worker? Is it because of [insert bad sexual experience]? Am I becoming a sex worker to simply be rebellious? Am I kidding myself – do I really just have low self-esteem and am looking for guys to validate me? Am I overly influenced by the people in my life who support my choices? Bottom line: Do I really want to do this?

At times I’ve believed that little voice is the real me. But again and again, I see how happy I am now. I love my life. I have adventures. I meet interesting people. Sex keeps getting better. So how can my choices be wrong, if I feel so good?

Do I really want to do this? Yes.

Edited: December 27th, 2011

Porn Review: Xana and Dax: When Opposites Attract

Welcome to my Christmas morning porn review of Xana and Dax: When Opposites Attract, produced by Comstock Films.

Porn Review: Xana and Dax: When Opposites Attract

Porn Review: Xana and Dax: When Opposites Attract

 

Released in 2005, this 45-minute film stars real couple Xana and Dax Star. Comstock films’ is known for “Real People, Real Life, Real Sex,” and this is the first I’ve seen of their productions.

Porn Review: Xana and Dax: When Opposites Attract

Porn Review: Xana and Dax: When Opposites Attract

 

Summary: The film begins with a 15-minute interview, where the couple talks about how they met and the beginning of their relationship. Xana is a beautiful, curvy blonde from the midwest, and Dax is Brazilian – thin but built, with tan skin and beautiful dark curly hair. They talk about how they were complete opposites – he was quite shy and inexperienced, and was insecure about his body (and body hair) when their physical relationship began. The two are clearly crazy about each other, and sweetly take turns expressing their awe for one another. The sex scene takes place on a bed, and the focus is so close on the couple, the set itself falls into the background…as it does when I’m at home with my boyfriend. Xana and Dax know one another’s bodies well. They begin as a “real” couple might, kissing, undressing, and massaging one another with oil. They gracefully move to oral sex, 69ing, and vaginal sex with a familiarity and flow known to long-time lovers. According to a review on Comstock’s website, Xana orgasms while Dax penetrates her doggy-style. Xana hops on, working his cock with her pussy. Dax finishes by lying back and masturbating while Xana touches his butthole. He cums in her mouth, which she seductively spits onto his belly and licks off. The scene ends with the couple cuddling and smiling at one another, briefly cutting to a scene from an interview talking about how lucky they are to have found one another.

Porn Review: Xana and Dax: When Opposites Attract

Porn Review: Xana and Dax: When Opposites Attract

 

The Highlights:
- I always LOVE interviews with the stars before/after a scene. In this film, it set the context of Xana and Dax having a passionate, loving relationship and built up my emotional arousal.

- Xana is absolutely beautiful, and while Dax isn’t my typical “type,” his body type was a more toned version of my boyfriend. I don’t often pay attention to the guys in porn (so many are creepy, overly sweaty, and unattractive), but I was really turned on by watching him. If he’d been a little more aggressive, it would have been similar to watching my guy fuck.

- I chose to watch this film because I figured the chemistry would be great, with a real couple, and I was right. While the sex itself was pretty “vanilla” for me, the passion more than made up for it. Its rare to see deep, heartfelt attraction in adult videos, and the way they moved from one act to another with ease reminded me of my boyfriend and I. It was as if they didn’t even need to communicate because they knew one another’s bodies so well. My dripping wet pussy responded well to the beauty of their connection and the sensual way they touched one another.

- The camera captured the scene well without intruding on their intimacy. There was attention to both Xana’s and Dax’s bodies, but not so much that a straight guy would be turned off focusing on the guy. They also included some genital close-ups, something couples porn often avoids. In my opinion, it was a nice mix – viewing the scene as a whole and getting in close on the action.

- The sex scene was about 30 minutes, a good length. I watched the whole scene and waited until it was over. My body was fairly relaxed and my first orgasm came easily. I kept going and came couple more times in just a few minutes, imagining a dirty – yet loving – fantasy about my boyfriend.

Porn Review: Xana and Dax: When Opposites Attract

Porn Review: Xana and Dax: When Opposites Attract

 

Room for Improvement?
- As I said above, other reviews said Xana had an orgasm while Dax penetrated her doggy style. Honestly, I didn’t notice… it could be I was too busy with myself, or that I’m used to watching screaming orgasms of more “mainstream” porn. In my sex life, I say aloud when I’m going to cum, so its obvious to whoever’s around. I’m happy if she did orgasm – it just would have turned me on to know that she had during the film. I was left wondering if she had until the magic of Google told me so.

- It wasn’t clear the couple was married until I saw they share a last name in the credits. The interview focused on how they met and the beginnings of their sexual relationship, so I’d assumed this was a newer relationship. I’m curious how long they have been together.

- As I said above, Xana and Dax seemed so familiar with each other they knew just what to do together… which was a turn-on, but on the other hand, I love to see communication on-screen. Whether they did communicate and it was cut, I can’t know, but I’d have appreciated seeing the two talk move about what they’re doing, how they’re positioning themselves, and maybe some loving dirty talk thrown in.

The Final Verdict:
Xana and Dax: When Opposites Attract is passionate, intimate, and real. Though the sex is vanilla and there isn’t much talking during the sex scene, its a beautiful portrayal of genuine love and connection. I’d call this couples porn, and also recommend to women. Single guys could enjoy but there may not be enough closeups or dirtiness, depending on your preferences. All in all, it was a pleasurably heartwarming porn.. who knew I’d ever say that?

The couple also appears together in a BDSM film with Mika Tan and Jasmine Byrne: Men in Pain #1, brought to you by Kink.com.  Quite a different sort of scene, perhaps more my typical style.  Given the chemistry between these two, I think this may be my next watch…

Edited: December 25th, 2011

If porn is replacing sex education…

…let’s give them some good porn to watch.

Now, a study of 140 students in the UK is not necessarily representative of all youth at large, but the researchers make a fabulous point: most sex ed is focused on what kids SHOULDN’T DO, such as…

And kids, like everyone else, are curious about sex. Teenagers have adult bodies yet we treat them like children.

Should teens watch porn? Well, its not legal, and its not my place to say. The bottom line is they’re doing it, and since it takes place in private it would be hard to stop even if you wanted to.

Adult entertainment is a billion-dollar industry, and its not going anywhere, even if you hate it. Sorry. On the other hand, the majority of the adult industry believes their products aren’t educational. Well, when we don’t have anywhere else to learn about sex, porn serves that purpose whether or not its made with that intent.

That’s why I do what I do. Rather than denigrate an entire LEGITIMATE industry, let’s create porn that DOES educate, that DOES show how men, women, and everyone else gets off. Let’s give the public a REAL look at human sexual expression in all its creativity and diversity. Let’s show people how to explore their and their partners’ bodies, and how to communicate with each other to deepen intimacy. Let’s give viewers permission to play, so they can share that one-of-a-kind mental-physical-emotional-spiritual connection both with themselves and in their relationships.

As Susie Bright says in Full Exposure: Opening Up to Sexual Creativity and Erotic Expression, If you don’t like what you see out your own window, the most subversive and substantive thing you can do is to make your own vision.

Edited: December 23rd, 2011

Relationship Advice: Make Sex a Priority

Today’s relationship advice – to keep the spark alive, get on the same freaking page!

Make sex a priority TOGETHER, however that means to you. Though my boyfriend and I both work from home, sometimes we’re on completely different sleeping schedules and we travel a lot. Sometimes we have to coordinate time to play. Its not as spontaneous as when we were first dating, but if we don’t it often won’t happen.

Moral of the story? Don’t wind up like this couple:

Edited: December 21st, 2011

What does it mean to be an exhibitionist fetish model?

I’m an exhibitionist.

That means I like being watched. Naked. Having sex, or doing sexual things.

I'm not THAT sort of exhibitionist :)

If someone visited my clip store, they might think I have some pretty kinky desires. They’d be right. But not like they might think…

See, I’m not aroused by every single fetish I perform. As an exhibitionist, I’m aroused by the performance itself. It doesn’t matter if I’m into the fetish, as long as I’m comfortable doing it.

I enjoy the sexual adventure of trying new things. I do have boundaries, of course, but they’re fairly open. I’m a try-it-and-see type of person – once, twice, maybe even three times, just to make sure.

Fetish has taught me to eroticize situations, objects, and body parts I may not have otherwise. Its allowed me to expand my idea of what is sexual, both to myself and others. Whether or not a fetish is MY thing, I can usually see what’s sexy about it. Sometimes I’ll even fantasize about a fetish from my videos, for instance, “thumbelina” fantasies about being a tiny girl with a giant guy or woman. Its not my typical fantasy, but its fun to imagine once in awhile.

So what am I into? What am I not into?

Depends on the day. Sexuality is fluid – it can change day to day, week to week, year to year, decade to decade. As psychologist Lisa Diamond has found, women’s sexual attractions and identities (whether they call themselves straight, lesbian, bisexual, or something else) can shift over time. The same can go for other desires, not just the gender of our partners.

Some things I’ve done in the past I’m not comfortable doing anymore, so I don’t. And vice versa — some things that used to be a ‘no’ are now a ‘maybe,’ ‘sometimes,’ or a ‘yes.’ That goes on- and off-camera.

What’s stayed the same for most of my adult years, is being an exhibitionist. Will I be over exhibitionism one day? Who knows? Who cares? Its where I am now. It excites me and makes me happy. That’s all I can ask for in life.

Edited: December 20th, 2011

A Great Day to Masturbate

I couldn’t always say this, but today I declare: I love to masturbate.  I came 5 times today.

Twice with my boyfriend.  He woke up before me today, and came back into the bedroom just as I was about to get up.  We cuddled.  We lightly ran our fingers over each other’s bodies.  He pulled me on top of him and passionately kissed me.  I grinded (ground?) my pussy against his hard cock through his boxers.  I licked his ass.  My pussy was dripping wet, and he thrust his dick into me as we lay side by side.  I asked him to get on top of me, then he laid back so I got a turn to fuck him.  I ground my pussy against his pubic bone, rubbing his dick against my g-spot.  I exerted my energy rather quickly, so he took back control, flipping me over doggy style, fucking me while I rubbed my clit, pulling out to cum in my mouth.

We lay in the dark, sweaty and out of breath, and I continued to rub my clit.  When he caught his breath, he licked my pussy.  It felt good, but I started getting frustrated that it didn’t feel as good as I wanted.  I asked him to rub my clit, same thing.  I wanted to feel more, so I asked him to put his dick in my pussy so I could lay on my stomach and masturbate.  I felt nicely filled up with the pressure on my g-spot and against my cervix.  It felt good and I came quickly.  He started actively fucking me in that position, thrusting in and out for several minutes, then pushed his cock all the way back in me.  I masturbated again and came really quickly, surprised but pleased.

My pussy was getting sore, so I asked if he wanted to fuck my ass.  The answer to that question is typically a resounding YES, today was no different.  Doggy style, I enjoyed the feeling of my asshole stretching open and the indirect pressure on my g-spot.  He fucked me until he came again, in my mouth.

Three times with myself.  Later, I masturbated on my own.  I lay on my back, doing my best to relax my body and not tighten up my hips, thighs, and vagina like I normally do.  I lightly fantasized, imagining fragments of a submissive fantasy I’ve had since childhood.  My goal was to be as relaxed as I could, to be present and notice what was going on in my body while I played.  As usual, I encountered a wall in my arousal that I couldn’t fully move past without tensing my body.  Ah, muscle memory.  Tonight was different though, perhaps because of the intention I set beforehand.  I used the tension to heighten my arousal, then continued to rub my clit while consciously relaxing my body.  I went back and forth, and over time got lost in the pleasure, until I was no longer aware whether I was tensing or relaxing.  I came.

But I wasn’t finished.  It seems I run out of patience after a first orgasm – when I masturbate alone, I usually have 2 or 3 (sometimes more).  I flipped over to my stomach, the easy way.  To change things up, I tried a technique I read about in Staci Haines’ Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma.  Her book is aimed at survivors of childhood sexual abuse, which I thankfully have not experienced.  Nonetheless, her book is one of only a few that addresses how we carry trauma, guilt, and shame in the body and ways to re-embody.

When I masturbate on my stomach, my entire body tenses up, I often disassociate, yet I cum quickly.  Rather than mindlessly taking care of my remaining arousal, flushing it from my body as quickly as possible, I narrated to myself what I was doing – “I’m rubbing my clit up and down.”  That was it.  Such a simple act made me more present than usual.  I felt more pleasure and noticed I wasn’t clamping down my vaginal muscles quite so strongly.  Perhaps relaxing my pussy while doing kegels is having an effect.

I often masturbate while wearing underwear or comfy clothes.  I like the friction against my clit, plus its what I did as a kid so its more familiar.  Today I masturbated wearing my new footy pajamas:

I don't think these were made to masturbate in...

I don't think these were made to masturbate in...

 

When I was finished, I unzipped a bit to touch my pussy.  It was really wet.  When I’d be completely disassociated, I’d be dry as a desert even after having multiple orgasms.  I’m noticing my pussy gets wetter, and more easily – especially in the last several weeks.  Must mean I’m doing something right.

As Betty Dodson says, masturbation is self-loving.  To masturbate is to physically show yourself love.  But which comes first, the chicken or the egg?  The masturbation or the love?  Either way, my body and spirit are responding.  Shame, discomfort, and frustration no longer dominates my masturbation.  I accept what is, whatever it is that day.  I let myself be.

Edited: December 12th, 2011

Pussy Talk: What To Call Your Vagina?

“Oh baby, insert your penis in my vagina and let’s have sexual intercourse” just doesn’t do it for me. Maybe for someone with a medical fetish?

Ev’Yan writes about Reclaiming the Word Cunt, and Other Explicit Vernacular.

I’ve never had a problem with the word cunt. Always seemed like a slur girls throw at one another, fighting at the bottom of the social totem pole over some loser dude’s half-assed attention. I never thought of it as referring to the vagina, though I know that’s what it means.

I used to hate the word pussy. Looking back, I think its because I heard it used as an insult so much – why would I want to have one if it was so bad? That being said, I didn’t particularly like any other terms for the vagina either.

When we started dating, my boyfriend would try to make me say “pussy.” I was so dorkily uncomfortable with it, he though it was hot. I felt weird at first, but without another word to call my vagina, it grew on me over time. Now I’m comfortable with calling my vagina “pussy,” though I can’t say it necessarily feels right. It just feels more right and easy to say than any other term I’ve heard.

Edited: December 10th, 2011

Why I Love Fetish, Part 3

Communication. Fetish requires communication, because it sure as hell won’t happen without it.

Sociologists say we operate on social scripts — culturally shared ideas about how we should behave based on social norms. We may or may not personally agree with them, but we figure everyone else does, so when we interact we’re all working from the same script in one way or another.

The typical heterosexual sexual script goes like this: girl gives subtle (often unconscious) cues to guy that she’s interested (playing with hair, way she’s sitting or standing, touching, etc.). Guy makes the first move and generally leads the show around the bases, using that old baseball analogy:

From kissing and touching, maybe stopping in oral town, to the grand finale — penis-in-vagina sex until the guy comes. Ever see a romantic movie? That’s usually what goes down. Unfortunately we let movies tell us how to be when we’re not aware of other options. Ask me how I know.

But there’s nothing necessarily wrong with that scenario. Sometimes I like just letting sex “happen” to me, sometimes I feel like being sexual without putting a whole lot of work into it. When I want, my boyfriend can give me the experience of simply being fucked. Of course, he knows my body to give me some pleasure along the way, and not every dude I’ve been with could. The difference is that we do communicate about sex, and we do have sex where I’m very active, so I feel comfortable and safe going with the flow of his desire. That is, we venture outside the heterosexual script enough that I know I can enjoy our sex whatever we do.

Sadly there are couples who never experience much but the standard script, and it can’t be that satisfying to either party. The largest sex survey of the 90s found that while men had orgasms more often than women, they were similarly physically and emotionally satisfied (or rather, unsatisfied) with their sex lives. Only 40-47% of men and women felt extremely physically and emotionally satisfied with their sex lives, though 75% of men always orgasm with their primary partner (only 29% of women). Now, we don’t really know what they were doing in bedroom or wherever they fuck, but I’d bet good money that those who are more adventurous have better sex. One word: communication.

First, you must voice the desire. Given our sexual scripts, its reasonable to assume my I like having my pussy eaten, but if that’s all I get I’m bored. I need to express the whole of my sexuality, so when I tell my boyfriend about a crazy fantasy I’m opening the line of communication between us. If I can tell him to wrestle me, pin me down, and force me to masturbate by rubbing his dick against my pussy — there’s no reason I can’t guide him how to lick my clit better.

Then, there are logistics. Porn and movies can make it seem like good sex spontaneously happens. Sure, it can. But it can also be funny, awkward, or even painful if its not done right. To make fetish happen, you have to discuss it beforehand — otherwise you have no idea what the other person wants. How do I want to be held down? What parts of my arms should he grab, and which areas will hurt if grabs the wrong way? Where does he pull my hair, and how hard? How much should he let me struggle – does he apply the same strength the entire time, or does he change it up, letting me think I’ll get away and then surprise me back into submission?

So now you’re doing it… and its not quite right. Or its amazing! Either way, communicating during the act will make that clear to your partner. If he pulls my hair and it hurts (not in the good way), I don’t just scream and say “Fuck it, we’re done.” I tell him it hurts, and either guide him how to do it better or give him space to try it another way. Sometimes he comes up with something I’d have never asked for!

Most couples will benefit from “spicing it up” once in awhile, or MORE. Whether you’ve got a crazy kinky side that’s dying to come out, or someone who really enjoys “vanilla” sex — using your words to create a new sexual scenario is empowering and, in my experience, incredibly intimate.

Edited: December 9th, 2011

Sex Tip: Don’t Overthink It

The Overthinker could use a sex tip – get out of your head!

Thinking too much about sex – while in the moment – completely ruins it:

This is what happens in my head when I’m disassociating… minus the puke, blood, and tasting 4 guys’ dicks in another person’s mouth. lol.

Edited: December 8th, 2011

Feeling Sexual Arousal

I used to treat sexual arousal like I did going to the bathroom. It was a physiological alarm – DO SOMETHING, fast. I didn’t savor the feeling or what could come of it. Just like running to the potty with a full bladder, I wanted that feeling OUT of my body as soon as possible.

I’m starting to notice desire in my body – of different degrees, desires, directions. Earlier, I meditated listening to Taylore Ashlie’s Opening to Abundance CD. Her soothing voice perfectly accompanies the jingly jangly background music. She leads the listener in breathing through various parts of the body, up and down the 7 chakras. Now, I don’t know what I think about the whole chakra thing – I’m still feeling that one out. But I don’t need to believe there are 7 energy centers in the body to feel something when I focus on each part. Taylore teaches to draw sexual energy (of the 1st and 2nd chakras – perineum and genitals) up the body while visualizing what you desire in life more broadly. Sexual energy is creative energy – its what creates life, and can thus be drawn upon to create in all aspects of life.

After I finished the meditation, I felt more aware of my pussy than when I’d begun. I felt a slight tinge of arousal. I observed what happened in my mind and body at this moment — a big part of me wanted to masturbate to shut that feeling down. I felt my mind pulled in two directions – one side was pleased with the meditation and wanted to move on to the other plans I had for the day. I wasn’t in the mood to play. The other side of my mind wanted to control my body, as if my brain couldn’t function while feeling any degree of sexual desire.

I laid there for a moment, observing myself. I knew if I masturbated I wouldn’t enjoy it. I’d be trying to get it done, and that’s no fun, even if it does end in orgasm. So I got up and walked out of the room. Its awareness that gives us choice.

Its okay to feel sexual desire. In fact, that tinge of arousal is probably the energy Taylore is referring to. It got me writing about my experience now, didn’t it?

Edited: December 7th, 2011

Masturbation as Empowerment

masturbation

Say YES to Pleasure and Masturbation

Academia is full of mental masturbation. Physical masturbation, not so much.

Academics notoriously distance themselves from their own sexuality (ask me how I know…). Jessi Fischer, the “Sexademic,” is taking a different path. With a Master of Arts in Sexuality Studies from San Francisco State University, she spoke of her “agenda” at Trinity College in Dublin, Ireland:
“I grew up in a world where pleasure wasn’t something I thought I could have. My body was shameful and not really meant for me. When I was able to change my frame of reference and identify my own desires, I felt empowered. Being able to enjoy my own body changed everything I thought I knew about the world. I want to help people do that in whatever capacity works for them. I want to lift the social weights that preclude them from that experience.”

More mental masturbation here.

Edited: December 5th, 2011

Erotica, BDSM, and the Adult Industry

Interesting interview with erotic writer Laura Antoniou on how sexuality and the adult industry has changed in her 30 year career:

The Politics of Porn, Power, and Gender

Edited: December 2nd, 2011