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Mind Over Matter: Making Your Fetish into Mine, or What its Like to Star in Fetish + Fart Porn

As a model, director, and producer of fetish and fart porn, I often must act as if I’m aroused by something that I’m, well, generally not.

Its a test of the mind, one I enjoy taking. Contrary to stereotypically bad mainstream porn, with a model who’s barely even pretending she likes it, I fully admit I’m often acting in my films, in one respect or another. I don’t pretend to eat farts in my everyday life, but I do a great job on camera. Or so my fans say. Know what? I’m not really a giantess either – I’m only 5′ tall (or short).

To produce quality clips, I have to get into the mindset of someone with the fetish. The more experience I have with any fetish, the better my videos; if I’m not there, they come across awkward, empty, hollow. The best clips are when I’m able to get myself turned on, when I understand the fetish and can act so well that I feel it in my body. I can tell when I’m filming, whether or not I’m ‘on.’ When I watch these clips later, they turn ME on, even when its not my ‘thing.’ I fully believe my own performance. These are also the best selling.

Two ridiculous stereotypes propagated not only in the mainstream media, but also by certain doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, sex therapists, sex coaches, and particularly tantric practitioners – that adult models are damaging their own sexuality and psyche by performing for others’ sexual needs, and that fetish in and of itself is perverse and detracts from “normal” sexual functioning. Sure, these can be true.

But in my case, its the opposite. Making fetish porn has dramatically improved my sex life. First, its shown me that my own “abnormal” desires are perfectly fine. Normal, even, in that we’re all weirdos in our own way. Trying to push those fantasies away made me obsess over them, over what was wrong with me and how I could get rid of them. I still have those fantasies, but they’re not so shamefully consuming. They’re available when I want, and I can set them aside when I don’t.

Second, by freeing up this crippling shame, I now have the energy to actually feel good during “regular” sex. If I can learn how to sexualize a fart, I can certainly learn to enjoy having my pussy licked, something I couldn’t really say 5 years ago that I absolutely love now.

I welcome almost any opportunity to stretch my erotic imagination. Why shouldn’t I? Why should we be so scared to explore, when there’s a sexual circus out there waiting for us to come play?

Edited: April 29th, 2012

How to Eat Pussy: What to Do After She Has Her Female Orgasm

Woo, she had a female orgasm! But wait, your how to eat pussy lesson isn’t over yet…:

Once you’re done (totally finished) she’s going to want you out of there pronto because the whole area is sensitive. Instead of leaving, stick out your tongue and lay it down on her like a thick, soggy carpet. Make sure you don’t move it or anything because that can actually hurt her. Just let it sit there like a dead manta ray for about thirty seconds. Then come up and wipe your face like a pirate.

I also enjoy a hand pressed very firmly over the area for a minute or so.

 

How to Eat Pussy

How to Eat Pussy

Edited: April 28th, 2012

Phthalates in Sex Toys: Keeping Your Dick, Pussy and Ass Safe

Be careful what chemicals are in your sex toys – phthalates are common ingredients that are linked to cancer

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I don’t care how good it feels to masturbate, it ain’t worth getting sick.

More on safety and sex toys here.

Edited: April 27th, 2012

How to Communicate About Your Fetish

We’re not always into what our partners assume. How can you share your fetish with a partner without hurting their feelings?

Email from a reader:

I have a bit of a weird sort of anti-fetish, I’m not really into boobs or the ass like most men are, I prefer smooth long legs and a nice mid-drift and belly. I often feel uncomfortable when I’m in a personal situation and a woman asks if I like her ass or boobs. I play affectionately with them, but that’s about it really. Is this normal for other guys too, and how do I break my  lack of attraction to boobs or ass to my respective partner?

Everyone has their own preferences, so you’re certainly not alone.  

From your question, it doesn’t seem you’re repulsed by tits and ass – but they’re not what turns you on.  In that case, I wouldn’t tell a woman you’re NOT into those body parts.  It may make her feel bad (she’s probably used to being admired for them) and she probably enjoys having you touch them.  Instead, affirm they ARE hot, while complimenting her on what you’re really into:

“Yeah they’re sexy.  And you know what I think is really hot?  Your legs and belly.”  

When you find yourself noticing her legs and midriff, compliment her.  In time she’ll understand that’s what you’re into.  Continue to compliment her overall beauty also, so she knows you appreciate the whole package.

Edited: April 26th, 2012

Relationship Advice: Dealing With Sexual Incompatibility

Relationship advice: Its unlikely you’ll find someone with the EXACT same sexual interests as you, but sometimes couples are working off completely different books.

Its bullshit that if you love each other the sex will work itself out. Considering its how we physically share intimacy, sexual compatibility is an important factor – in my opinion, as central to a relationship as spirituality and finances. So what happens when partners want – or need – different things?

A reader question:

I love anal sex, but my girlfriend does not. My ex-wife and a number of girlfriends have liked or loved anal sex.

I don\’t think I\’ll ever get my girlfriend to try it, and so this has me wanting to find someone else who will allow me to have anal sex with her.

What are your thoughts? I love my girlfriend, but I love anal sex.

If your partner is anti-anal, there’s probably little chance of changing that.  Its possible she could change her mind, or there’s something about your approach that’s off-putting to her, so look at that first.  But we do each have our preferences, and even with the best approach, and pain-free techniques some people simply don’t enjoy the sensation of anal.

That being said, its frustrating to not be able to express your full sexuality with your partner.  I know from experience :)

Consider how important it is to you to have a sexually compatible partner.  Are you a great match in all other areas?  Is anal sex essential to you, or is it something you could live without if you’re otherwise a good pair?  You have three options –

(1) End the relationship and find someone who is compatible.  If its a new or casual relationship, and especially if there are other ways you’re incompatible, this may be the best option if anal sex is that important to you.  If its a more serious relationship, this would obviously be a more difficult decision.  Its a quality-of-life matter: Will your life be better with a woman who can help you meet your needs, or does THIS PARTICULAR WOMAN make you want to get out of bed in the morning?  i.e., is the trade off (no anal for life) worth it?

(2) Discuss your needs with her, and try to find a way you can both express your sexualities.  She might have un-met needs too, so having a conversation about what you BOTH want is important.  This might include using erotica or porn on your own (though I assume you’re probably watching porn) or involving third parties into the relationship – be it with a casual ‘fuck buddy,’ a secondary relationship, or sex workers (prostitutes, webcam models, phone sex).  It might be a difficult conversation – or series of conversations – but honesty is usually the best policy.  If you’re holding back in one area, it makes intimacy difficult in other (non-sexual) parts of life.

(3) Cheat – involve a third party but don’t tell her.  Its an option, though I don’t recommend it.  You’ll have to deal with hiding, guilt, and a good chance she’ll be devastated if she finds out, creating self-esteem and future relationship problems.  Is it worth doing that sort of damage to you both?  

I recommend trying #2 first, and if that doesn’t work out – well, you’ve got options #1 and #3.

Edited: April 23rd, 2012

Relationship Advice: Mix It Up In the Bedroom (Or Wherever You Have Sex)

Relationship advice: In a long-term relationship, sex won’t usually be fireworks every time.

And that’s okay. Whatever you and your partner(s) prefer, changing it up will keep your interest. The names below are a bit dorky, but they get the point across:

The Standard or “meat and potatoes” variety (or “tofu and sprouts” for those who favor the vegetarianism) is also known as “maintenance sex.” It’s the old standby: in the bedroom, in the bed, with the old tried and true positions and techniques that work. Not particularly exciting, but it gets the job done.

Next is what we call “Junk food Sex,” also known as the “quickie.” The inclusion of this practice in one’s overall sexual repertoire can produce short but very pleasurable experiences. This variety tends to be more popular with those of the male persuasion, but there are also quite a few women who enjoy sex in this form. A steady diet of it, however, tends to be low on nutrients. If practiced on an occasional basis, especially if it is balanced by the practice of “Gourmet Dining Sex” or GDS, junk food sex can be quite delightful.

GDS, also known as “romantic sex,” is designed to produce delicious, relaxed, extended periods of deeply pleasurable experiences of emotional and physical intimacy characterized by full-body stimulation, lots of eye contact, and uninterrupted shared presence. Enhancements to GDS can include soothing music, bathing together, candlelight, and any other elements that enrich the experience.

Hot chili pepper sex is definitely for the more adventurous of us who enjoy the exploration into the further reaches of sexual experimentation in the territory between discomfort and pleasure. It is not for the faint of heart. The rule is that there are no rules here, other than the requirement that both partners be in agreement with whatever is being done at any given time and that either one has the power to stop things at any moment without resistance from the other. Changing the location or setting of our sexual encounter can also serve to enhance the nature of this experience. All manner of costumes and sexual accessories are welcome and you are limited only by your imagination.

And last, but certainly not least is Ambrosia or sacred sex. This has to do with the practice of devotion to the divine through the expression of shared sensory bliss. Ambrosia is food and nectar for the gods, which ensured their immortality. Sacred sex takes us into the realm of the timelessness of full presence. It involves anything that tastes and smells delicious, and can include items that awaken the senses such as meditative music, sweet smelling oils in bath water, essential oils in glass dishes over a flame, scented candles, massage oils, incense, and silks. The practice often focuses on the holding back of orgasm to prolong the experience and plentiful time for heightened stimulation. It may also include chanting, breathing techniques, sounding mantras, paired yoga poses, and the maintaining of eye contact throughout the entire length of the experience.

Edited: April 19th, 2012

How to Eat Pussy: Exercise Your Tongue

Captain Obvious says to know how to eat pussy, you gotta have a strong tongue.

If you’re worn out after 2 minutes, either find a chick who can cum that quickly or try some tongue exercises, courtesy of the awkwardly hilarious Uncle Melon:

Exercise 1
Stick your tongue as far out of your mouth as possible, and then try to touch your nose. Eat a booger, if possible. Repeat in 3 sets of 10 reps or when boogers are clear. This exercise is fun, funny to watch, and nutritious. It also makes a great decongestant.

Exercise 2
With a loose jaw, point your tongue while simultaneously trying to keep your tongue in constant contact with the top and bottom of your mouth. You’ll quickly learn that this is impossible. A Zen-like exercise designed to equip you mentally for failing again and again to satisfy your lover.

Exercise 3
Keep your tongue relaxed and open your mouth. Move your tongue in and out of your mouth, forward, and in both directions, while licking hair from her hair brush. Try to focus while clearing the hairs. Practice in five sets of twenty and build up to adding aromas and darkness to the exercise.

And you’ll look just like this sexy beast:

How to Eat Pussy: Work Out That Tongue

How to Eat Pussy: Work Out That Tongue

 

That’s who I want eating my pussy.  Or… not.

Edited: April 17th, 2012

The Problem With Thinking You’ve Got a Sex Problem: What it Means for Female Orgasm

Nicole Daedone, author of Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm, has made it her mission to uncover the so-called problem of female orgasm

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We believe that “good” sex means one thing – probably something like mutual orgasm and a feeling of intimate connection to our partner – and that if either of the above is missing, the sex is “unsatisfying” or “truly problematic” or, worse yet, simply “good enough.” We ignore the reality, which is that sex itself is messy and inconsistent… It is a reflection of life, which means it includes hot and cold, fast and slow, good and bad…Sex is not a science; there is no recipe. No matter how many books you read or how many repetitive motions you make, the outcome is not guaranteed. And mere inconsistency is the best-case scenario. The worst-case scenario? You kill the sex with the recipe.

But we’ve never learned how to cook without a recipe… So when things don’t turn out the way we expect, we find ourselves trying harder. Rather than opening up and letting our sexuality tell us what it wants in the moment, we try harder to comply with the external recipe we’ve been given. Rather than listening for our own desire and following wt whether it makes sense or not, we try ever harder to be the good little recipe-follower we were taught to be…

Let’s take the example of orgasm. While men’s orgasms are also an art form, I think we can all agree that they tend to have more of that consistent scientific quality to them than women’s orgasms do… [heterosexual] “penis” plus “naked woman” in more cases than not does in fact equal “ejaculation.” But what, then, happens when the recipe doesn’t lead to the desired outcome? When no matter how hard he tries, the recipe – ahem – no longer stands on its own?

And then you’ve got women’s orgasm, which for most of us follows a path much more like The Artist’s Way than the scientific method. When observed objectively, women’s orgasm looks very different from men’s orgasm, and it may or may not include a climax. So what happens when we’re following the recipe for “good sex,” and (per usual) it calls for “two climaxes,” and two climaxes are not available?

What happens in either of these cases… is that sex starts looking like a problem

Men approach the problem of sex like they’re trying to fix a TV that’s on the fritz. They scratch their heads and try to figure it out. They ask investigative questions, tinker with this and that, and when the screen is still blank they’ll either become frustrated or zone out altogether.

For women, on the other hand, the tendency is to try to make her sex – and especially her orgasm – look a particular way, the way its “supposed” to look. We try to live up to the expectations set by Hollywood, and Cosmo… We put ourselves into the shape of the sex we think we’re supposed to be having, which is modeled on the example of a man’s experience. We spend a lot of time in our heads, wondering if we’re doing it right, concentrating very hard on “getting somewhere” – “somewhere” being synonymous with “climax”… The result is that we distance ourselves from our desires, from our direct experience of sex, and in the end, from our orgasm. Some women have gotten so far away from their own authentic orgasm that they don’t even think they have one. Which is a major concern, since for women especially, frequent access to the pleasure of orgasm is the key to finding joy, nourishment, and sustainable happiness.

Learn more about female orgasm and how to have more satisfying sex here.

Edited: April 16th, 2012

Women’s Sexuality is Affected by Relationship Problems

It isn’t women’s sexuality that’s the problem – its crappy relationships that can cause sexual “dysfunction”

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Its a stereotype that women are less sexual, women’s sexuality is more delicate, unpredictable, and problematic. Whether “female sexual dysfunction” is a legitimate disorder is controversial, and this article shows us why – when women face relationship problems, they tend to face sexual problems. Who wants to fuck someone you’re having conflict with all the time?

Conversely, could women with sex issues attract relationship problems?

Couples Troubles Often Cause Female Sexual Dysfunction:

Formerly known as frigidity, female sexual dysfunction (FSD) has always been a controversial diagnosis, and now studies are pointing to relationship dissatisfaction and male performance as risk factors. Just whose problem is this, anyway? New research suggests that broad tactics such as treating a woman’s anxiety and improving communication with her partner may be more useful than focusing on the physical mechanics of sex.

Female sexual dysfunction is a broad diagnosis that indicates trouble in one or more of four areas: desire, pain, arousal and orgasm.

Controversy about FSD has centered on two key points: whether those who are pushing it as a physiological disorder have something to gain from medicalizing it and whether it reflects society’s attempt to pathologize women’s naturally variable sexuality. According to sexologist Andrea Burri, author of a study from the U.K. on FSD that appeared in the September 2011 issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, “Describing a sexual dysfunction as a physiologically caused abnormality leaves out factors related to the patient’s sexual partners and socialization factors. Personally, I believe that we are using the term way too arbitrarily.” Although she accepts that some women do have a physiological impairment that can contribute to sexual problems, she thinks that using loose diagnostic criteria lumps far too many women into the category of dysfunction.

Burri’s study, which assessed about 1,500 women in the U.K. for FSD, found that 5.8 percent of them reported recent problems with sex, and another 15.5 percent reported lifelong dysfunction. Hyposexual (low) desire was the most common problem overall, and the most common predictor of FSD was relationship dissatisfaction. This finding supports the criticism that the concept of FSD is misleading because it implies that there is something wrong with the woman who “has” it, when in fact it is often the relationship that has issues. The study also found anxiety, experience of abuse and obsessive-compulsive disorder to be common predictors of lifelong FSD.

(My note: This conclusion depends on the study methods, but consider the possibility that women with sex problems attract crappy relationships…)

A study last June also pointed to relationship dissatis­faction as a risk factor for FSD, as well as male premature ejaculation—so in this case, his dysfunction becomes hers, further obscuring the diagnosis.

One way researchers are attempting to minimize some of these issues is by including personal distress as a diagnostic criterion for FSD. Pain during sex or a lack of desire, arousal or orgasm does not indicate a disorder unless it is causing distress to the woman herself—and that does not include the distress she might feel because of her partner’s reaction in bed, explains Marita McCabe, a psychology professor at Deakin University in Melbourne, Australia. Burri cautions that the distress criterion nonetheless presents some concerns. “A considerable proportion of women who do not report a sexual problem do report feeling distressed about their level of sexual functioning, so there is the question as to what causes a woman to feel sexual distress,” she says. “Is it really an intrinsic feeling, or is it caused by societal expectations?”

Regardless of its cause, distress about sex is quite treatable. McCabe authored a study last October showing Internet-based therapy to be effective for FSD when it focused on three objectives: helping participants feel more comfortable about their bodies, lowering their anxiety in sexual situations and improving communication with their partners.

Edited: April 15th, 2012

How Does Religion Affect Fetish Sex & Sexuality?

I got an interesting question in my email about religion and kinky fetish sex

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Just wondered if you are an atheist, agnostic? Or religious?

I’m just curious for curiosity’s sake. While stumbling upon your stuff. If religious beliefs affects girls to be more open or closed about sex, especially very kinky stuff… or if its relevant at all. Some say being religious, or having had a religious upbringing can make the “sin/taboo” part of it seem more explosive. At the same time, I guess girls that are more intelligent see through the religious stuff as a way of sexual control, and just experiment more. I guess people like Sasha Grey are kind of like that.

Do you have any thoughts on this?

I was raised culturally (not religiously) Jewish, so I never got the “sex = hell” message as a child, though I did get plenty of guilt :)  I was very involved in the Jewish community in college but have since found other paths.

Currently, I’d say I’m flirting with spirituality, growing out of agnosticism.  I feel any sex between two consenting adults has the potential to be a spiritual experience.  If we’re both present, enjoying our bodies, and respecting one another (even if the act appears disrespectful) – to me, its one of the ultimate spiritual experiences.  Our bodies were made to experience pleasure, and as long as you’re not hurting anyone, its THE gift of having a physical body.  Along with a good meal :)

I don’t see religion, per se, as anti-sex.  At the core, most religions are teaching the same values – its the dogma and religious leaders telling us how to live our lives that scares people about sexuality.  As we moved from more agrarian egalitarian societies to private land-owning patriarchal cultures, women’s sexuality has particularly been controlled through religion to ensure land ownership is properly transferred from father to son.  The book Sex at Dawn has a great discussion on this.

There’s also a huge cultural influence of eugenics – the ‘science’ of creating the ‘perfect’ human that was used to legitimize the Holocaust.  This was developed in the 1800s by Sir Francis Galton, cousin of Darwin, espousing the belief that only certain types of people are ‘fit’ to breed.  After the Holocaust, eugenic scientists went underground but their influence lives on today through population reduction programs and other means.  This is an extreme form of sexual control, and paired with the religious sin perspective common in the US – it creates a very powerful sex-negative environment.

“Kinky” fetish sexuality really depends on the culture.  What’s freaky in one place is normal in another.  In the US, people are worried about showing a nipple on TV, but in Europe entire families go to nude beaches.  The power and allure of taboo is quite powerful though, and not just related to sex – I’ve read that alcohol consumption increased during prohibition.  If we lived in a more sexually open society, the incidence of kinky sex might decrease for some – if its not taboo, people may no longer be aroused by it.  But conversely, if more people are aware and feel okay to engage in kinky sex – it could also increase — or perhaps the two sides might even out.

Edited: April 14th, 2012

How to Have Anal Sex Tips: Watch Your Diet, What Goes in Must Come Out

If you want to know how to have anal sex that feels good, pay attention to the poop chute:

For a pleasurable anal sex experience, it’s important for both of you to eat a diet rich fiber, raw vegetables and fruit rather than processed foods.

Regular bowel movements are conducive to both comfort and confidence when it comes to anal sex. Adult film stars about to engage in anal sex always undergo enemas beforehand to ensure no “slip-ups.”

So make sure that your diet is a healthy one and, although fiber is recommended, try to avoid eating it for a few hours before you’re set to engage in anal sex.

Technically not required for the “giver” (unless they’re into butt play too), but for the “receiver” – a healthier diet does make butt sex more comfortable. Enemas are an option to keep it cleaner, but they’re not mandatory – especially if you ‘go’ regularly, the anal canal is a lot cleaner than most people think.

Edited: April 11th, 2012

How to Eat Pussy: Best Positions

What are the best how to eat pussy positions so you’re both comfortable?

In order to make your oral buffet as comfortable and as enjoyable as possible, have your lady lie on her back with her legs spread apart and her knees slightly bent. Get on your stomach between her legs and slide your arms under her legs. Your head ends up comfortably facing your oral objective. Wrap your arms around her legs and you’ll have perfect access to her vagina, which allows you to manipulate it with your fingers.

You can also lie down in the same position and place both of your hands under her behind, elevating it so that it comes directly to your face. Although this requires a little more strength and requires both your hands, it can be very pleasurable for your woman.

Finally, you can bring her behind to the edge of the bed while you give her oral sex. Have her rest her feet on your shoulders or on the edge of the bed as well, and you’ll have plenty of access while you kneel in front of her. This position will also give your fingers full access to her vagina.

Many women enjoy laying on their back so they can relax, but some like to straddle their partners’ face so they have more control.

Edited: April 10th, 2012

Please Don’t Tell Anyone This, But…: Why Do We Feel So Bad About Kinky Fetish Sex?

I make my living on kinky fetish sex.

People spend money to see me fart. Its pretty much the easiest and funniest way to make money. And in many ways, its the safest of all sex. Is it perverted? Well, yeah, that’s the point. But why is that a bad thing?

The main issue I see with fetishes is that people are too scared to share them, and people are too judgmental to accept them. Because most all of us have been scared our sexuality makes us bad, sinful, weird, or abnormal. People with “vanilla” desires feel this way; multiply it by a thousand for people with supposed ‘deviant’ desires.

My inbox is stuffed full of emails – How can I ask a girl to X? How can I tell him I want Y? I get emails from the 18 year-old captain of the football team, in despair because a girl laughed at his fetish. People share fantasies with me they feel they couldn’t tell their spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend. Jesus Christ, we’re not killing babies here. We’re sexualizing the immature, the absurd, the absolutely…normal. We’re simply finding pleasure where others don’t. What’s so wrong with a burp? Imagine a culture where new lovers burp in one another’s faces as a sign of intimacy, like for many, the first time you use your lover’s toothbrush? Just imagine: your lovers’ gases become your own.

Why? Fair question. But Why not? Why a handjob and not a footjob? Our hands pick up the filth and grime of the subway, the gas station pump, and that cold hard cash in our wallets. The feet are nicely covered up, protected by shoes and socks (sometimes, anyway). At the very least, these encapsulated feet could be seen as preserving their natural scent for erotic worship. The feet are quite sensitive, after all.

As adults, many of us have lost our ability to play games. To engage the creative side, which many of us haven’t touched since we were children; perhaps that’s why our fantasies can be so childish. Those who are brave enough to step outside of the black-and-white into that box of 128 crayons (or however many they’re up to these days) face rejection and condemnation, and internalized shame. If someone has a fetish and its not your thing – So. Fucking. What.

As long as they’re not REALLY hurting anybody, its all fair game to me.

Edited: April 9th, 2012

Shocking News in Female Sexuality: Most Married Women Think Sex is Important

Its an unfortunate stereotype that women don’t care about sex as much as men, but an online survey finds female sexuality won’t be swept under the rug.

iVillage surveyed 1,001 married women and found 75% feel good sex with their husband is “very or extremely important.”

Why is this news? Psychologist Barry McCarthy says, “You never see marital sex in the movies,” he says. “In the movies and in our culture, what is exciting sexually is something that is breaking the boundaries and is illicit. The key to marital sex is integrating intimacy and eroticism.”

67% said “feelings of love” and 44% enjoy hearing their spouse say “nice things” to turn them on. Female sexuality often responds to feelings of intimacy and connection.

Eileen Nekava, 29, says of her husband Steve, “It’s nice to know he appreciates me and still thinks about me in that type of way.”

According to psychology professor John Gottman, “What most surveys find women really want is emotional connection and intimacy as a precondition for being in the mood to have sex…What’s been described as low libido in women is the fact their men stopped courting them. They are no longer trying to be intimate.”

A hint for guys: Courtship and flirting aren’t just what you do to get the girl. Once you’re in a relationship, its only the beginning. No, it doesn’t have to be candlelit dinners and walks on the beach every night (though that’s nice once in awhile). Take a moment out of your day to appreciate your woman. Tell her how beautiful and sexy she is. Thank her for the little things she does for you. Notice her. Look at her the way you did the first time you saw her naked.

Its a stereotype that female sexuality is complicated, but its actually quite simple. Forget about your dick for a minute. Make her feel appreciated, feel free to let go, and play together on her terms.

Edited: April 8th, 2012

The Effect of Bisphenol-A (BPA) on (Straight) Male Sexuality

Too much BPA in the system cripples male sexuality – at least for rats.

Are you having little luck in the search for your soulmate? When you finally meet a woman does she seem disinterested? What could it be? Your breath? Your clothes? Findings from a new study (1) suggest it may be your mother’s dietary exposure to bisphenol A (BPA).

Jena Pincott writes about the effect of BPA on male sexuality:

Much of the trouble with BPA lies in its ability to fool estrogen receptors into thinking it’s estrogen. Imagine a man doesn’t know that the woman he’s marrying is really an alien in drag, and you have a sense of the danger here. BPA disrupts any process that estrogen normally mediates, affecting brain, body, and behavior. It also tinkers with the way genes express themselves, turning up those that would otherwise be turned off or down. BPA exposure has been linked to breast cancer, heart disease, obesity, diabetes, attention-deficit disorder, increased anxiety, a decreased IQ in children and a low sperm count in men.

“One of the prominent effects of early BPA exposure is that it eliminates a number of sex differences in brain and behavior,” the researchers wrote. It turned out that BPA-exposed males have impaired spatial ability (can’t find their way out of a maze or to their nest, considered unattractive to females). They also suffer from decreased exploratory ability (incurious and easily lost), and overall reduced attractiveness to the opposite sex. They may even smell different from their peers—in rodents, a sign of unhealthiness. Females are disgusted.

The good news, as I describe in my book, is that there is laboratory evidence that a diet high in folic acid and B12 may reverse at least some of the nasty effects of prenatal BPA exposure. How? One way that BPA tinkers with our systems is by attaching itself to strands of DNA and “turning on” certain genes (removing methyl groups) that are normally turned off—resulting in obesity, cancer, and other problems. This is classic epigenetics—an environmental trigger affects the way that genes behave. Nutrients in green vegetables, beans, eggs, and soy may be protective (in those of us who include enough in our diet) because they turn off genes that BPA otherwise turns on.

I wonder what effect BPA levels have on gay or bisexual men’s sexuality. Are males as turned off as females? Gotta find some gay lab rats…

Edited: April 7th, 2012

Sex Tips: Slow Down, Get in the Cracks, and Be Open to Sexual Healing

Sex tips and sexual healing from Shama Helena.

Helena: The first thing I teach is slow down. Everybody’s in a rush. Because guys have basically learned about sexuality by jerking off in the bathroom as quickly as they can so they don’t get caught and they take that through their whole lives. And what we’re teaching in tantra is there’s so much more to it. We become very orgasm-focused. We become very fuck-focused and what we’re teaching in tantra is the whole thing is magical, every moment is pleasurable. When we were growing up it was like, “Did you get to first base? Second base? Third base?” And what’s going on is everybody in first base is looking at second base and they’re not enjoying first base. And if you allow yourself to relax into the experience you’re actually having, instead of running an agenda, you’re going to find that you enjoy and savour experience so much more profoundly, it will blow your mind.  And it will give the woman the time and the energy she needs to open and relax.  In addition, she really needs to feel attuned with you. And if you take the time for making out and if you take the time for touching each other and bringing each other to higher states of pleasure first, you’re going to find that she’s going to be in her sexual power and then guys, look out. You’re going to have the ride of your life.

Taylor: That’s really beautiful. As I say, “You don’t go to the opera to hear the last note.”

Helena: Exactly. Another thing that’s really important to know is all those places…there’s two really important areas of the body to be aware of. One is anyplace that is normally not seen by the public. Backs of the knees, under the arms, under the breasts, the neck. All these sensitive hidden places are some of the most erotic. In addition –

Taylor: Anything that’s a crack.

Helena: There you go! Also anyplace where there maybe some injury. If you’ve got a bruise or if you’ve got someplace that’s hurting, if you give it love you will be amazed at how erotic that can become. How pleasurable and orgasmic as your body releases the tension that it’s holding in order to protect whatever area that is feeling a little wounded. So I’m not recommending you suck on wounds but what I am recommending is give those areas the love appropriate to what’s going on there and you may be surprised at the fountain of pleasure that’s available as a result.

Hear more sex tips from Shama Helena.

Edited: April 6th, 2012

Men Aren’t the Only Patrons of Sex Work: Women Pay for Sex Too

The stereotype of sex work is that women (and men) get paid to be sexy for men’s pleasure.

Lesbian writer Jessica Walden shows us that ain’t always true. Read about her experience hiring a sex worker:

I had a shower and we got to it. And let me just say: if you want something done right, you should really go to a professional. This was a completely different category of sexual experience. I felt things I didn’t even know my body could feel. She picked me up off the floor — she’s small but powerful — slung my legs around her waist and slammed me against the wall, kissing me. It was fucking incredible. And that was just the start.

She lay me down on the bed. Oh my God, holy shit, Jesus H Christ and wow. I don’t know what that first thing she did was, but it involved her mouth, hands, a pair of gloves, a bottle of lube, penetration, massage and a vibrator. I have been having sex with women since I was 17 and nothing has ever felt like that. I thought I would be getting some pleasant sex with a hot woman. I didn’t expect mind-blowing sex with a completely gorgeous creature who, when she wasn’t ramming something inside me, was kissing me passionately, looking sweetly into my eyes, or saying lovely, dirty things in my ear.

Lesbians + Sex Work (Photo: Chelsey Lichtman & Kyle Lasky)

Lesbians + Sex Work (Photo: Chelsey Lichtman & Kyle Lasky)

And there was no time to catch my breath. Just when I thought I couldn’t take any more of whatever she was doing, she’d flip me over, drag me down the bed, swing me around into another position, and do something else incredibly hot. Really, what have I been doing these past 20 years? This was amazing, mind-blowing sex. The kind of sex men get to have: lusty, hot, powerful, penetrating.

But it was more than that; it was connection. That was something I didn’t expect. I looked into her eyes and was hers. Simple as that. We were two people connecting through an erotic experience. You can be with someone for years who doesn’t give you that, and here we had it after five minutes. Talking to her afterward was incredible and just as sexy as the sex. She is sweet, smart, fun and lovely to talk to. Totally dreamy.

I chose to write about this experience because it is something I felt I couldn’t really tell anyone about in casual conversation. If women aren’t supposed to want sex without attachment, we certainly aren’t supposed to pay for it. However, as Felicity told me, “When you find the part of yourself that says it’s okay, that it’s fun and exciting to have sex with someone who is there only for your own sexual pleasure, then you unlock a part of yourself. For women to do this could be very liberating.

What do you think?

Edited: April 5th, 2012

How to Have Anal Sex Tips: If You Don’t Know Your Partner’s STD Status, Use a Condom

How to have anal sex that’s safe – get tested first, or use a condom:

Anal sex carries with it a much greater risk of passing on sexually transmitted diseases than vaginal sex. Because the anus isn’t made to be penetrated, the chances of a small tear occurring are much higher, and that little opening is like a welcome mat to diseases. Condoms offer protection, but condoms are more likely to break or come off during anal sex, so this form of sex is definitely riskier unless both parties are absolutely disease free.

Remember, oil-based lubes can cause latex condoms to break, so water-based lube is best for safe butt sex.

Edited: April 2nd, 2012