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What’s the Best Way to Measure Your Penis Size

A reader wants to know about his penis size, how to measure and the best sex position for his curved dick.

I have a penis question. I need your opinion. After seeing you videos, and googling around I feel a bit more confident, however, what\’s your opinion on my penis size.

I’m 6in long, 4.5in girth (I sometimes think I have a pencil d*cK, since my girth is small).

Is it reallly small???

Also, I curve downward like a banana, so when I use a string to measure length, I get 7in instead of 6in when using a ruler. What’s the correct way to measure.

Also, please help me. What positions are good for a downward curved penis. Missionary is not working, doggy works, but partner does not like doggy.

Your penis is average to above average. Average length is 5-6″, girth 4.5-5.5″.  These are estimates, of course.  There’s no right or wrong way to measure – from the top, bottom, or side.  If you’re using a string, you’re probably getting a more accurate measure if its curved.  Go with whatever number you like best. :)

I’d say doggystyle would be best for a downward curved dick, but reverse cowgirl could also be pleasurable for her – your dick will hit her g-spot better, if she enjoys that sensation.

Edited: August 29th, 2012

The Dreaded Penis Size Issue

The biggest (ha) thing I’ve learned as a sex worker is that (many) guys are OBSESSED with penis size. And no matter how big they are, they’re still insecure. Some even wish they were smaller!

So today I set the record straight about dick size. Agree? Disagree? Ladies, feel free to chime in with your personal opinion.

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Edited: August 28th, 2012

Why Does the Penis Look Like That?

Some scholars believe we’re naturally NOT monogamous… in which case, this penis theory makes a lot of sense.

If you were to examine the penis objectively—please don’t do this in a public place or without the other person’s permission—and compare the shape of this organ with the design of the same organ in other species, you’d notice the following uniquely human characteristics. First, despite variation in size between individuals, the human penis is especially large compared with that of other primates. When erect, it measures on average between five and six inches in length and about five inches in circumference. Even the most well-endowed chimpanzee, the species that is our closest living relative, doesn’t come anywhere near this. Rather, even after correcting for overall mass and body size, chimp penises are about half the size of human penises in both length and circumference. In addition, only the human species has such a distinctive mushroom-capped glans, which is connected to the shaft by a thin tissue of frenulum (the delicate tab of skin just beneath the urethra). Chimpanzees, gorillas, and orangutans have a much less extravagant phallic design—more or less all shaft. It turns out that one of the most significant features of the human penis isn’t so much the glans per se as the coronal ridge it forms underneath.

This “semen displacement theory” is the most intriguing part of Gallup’s story. Since sperm cells can survive in a woman’s cervical mucus for up to several days, if she has more than one male sexual partner over this period of time, say within forty-eight hours, then the sperm of these two men are competing for reproductive access to her ovum. So how did nature equip men to solve the adaptive problem of other men impregnating their sexual partners? The answer, according to Gallup, is that their penises were sculpted in such a way that the organ would effectively displace the semen of competitors from their partner’s vagina, a well-synchronized effect facilitated by the “upsuck” of thrusting during intercourse. Specifically, the coronal ridge offers a special removal service by expunging foreign sperm. According to this analysis, the effect of thrusting would be to draw other men’s sperm away from the cervix and back around the glans, thus scooping out the semen deposited by a sexual rival.

Edited: August 26th, 2012

How To Have a Perfect Relationship…NOT.

Since there are no perfect people, there is no perfect relationship. But that’s part of the fun…

Edited: August 26th, 2012

Is Your Partner Doing it Wrong? Here’s How to Help

Your partner may need some direction:

Dear Em & Lo,

I truly enjoy sex with my boyfriend, but I don’t orgasm through sex. We are a relatively new couple, and he hasn’t learned how to get me off reliably with oral sex. He recently told me that when he performs oral sex on me, I am too quiet.

I completely understand his desire for me to be more vocal and more directive. However, I hesitate, because the very few times I have given directions, he applied the advice in the moment but then never again. And I don’t want to offend him by being patronizing or assuming he doesn’t understand the female anatomy.

I want to turn him on, and I want to orgasm when he goes down on me. I love him, and enjoy his efforts, but he doesn’t seem to hit the right spot. How can I communicate what he should do without being condescending or patronizing? It’s not like he’s bad at this — his efforts have been valiant the few times he has tried, he just hasn’t learned my body completely yet.

– The Quiet American

Dear Q.A.,

Perhaps when your boyfriend says that you’re not “vocal” enough during oral sex, he means that you’re not being vocally appreciative enough of his efforts. In other words, perhaps he’s one of those guys who’d rather get a massive standing ovation when he’s doing something right — rather than pointers when he’s doing something wrong. (And really, who doesn’t prefer that?) If this is the case, you might want to make sure that you’re providing a lot of positive reinforcement along with your instructions. When he gets something right (and especially if he gets something right after you ask him to do it), you need to ham it up: moans, groans, writhing, oh yeahs, the lot.

Or perhaps he’s just really forgetful? It could be that once he’s between your thighs inhaling your heady scent, all coherent thought goes out the window. Which means that you need to remind him gently — as many times as it takes. If you’re worried about being condescending, turn the reminder into a compliment: “Remember that thing you did last time with your nose? It turned me on so much, could you do it again?” And so on. Perhaps he’s one of those guys who learns via muscle memory instead of rote memorization. Also, what we said before about moaning loudly when he gets it right? That should help a memory stick.

As for your fears that you’ll sound condescending or patronizing: Just make sure that you when you tell him something, it sounds more like dirty talk than text book talk. Drop the matter-of-fact voice and tell him what turns you on like you mean it.

Have you tried mutual masturbation yet, by the way? You know: you diddle you while he diddles himself — and you each watch each other. This won’t necessarily teach him about how to go down on you, but it will teach him how to pay attention to what gets you off.

If he’s the decent guy you say he is, and if he continues to try as valiantly as you say he has been, we’re sure you’ll get there eventually. In the meantime, try to enjoy the journey, as the hippies like to say.

– The Not-So-Quiet Advice Ladies

Edited: August 25th, 2012

Turning Fantasy Into Reality

Do you have a fantasy you’ve been dying to try, but your partner isn’t into it? Or are you scared they’ll turn you down?

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Edited: August 25th, 2012

Is Your Dick Out of Commission? Learn About Erectile Dysfunction & Premature Ejaculation From Jacqui Olliver

You don’t have to suffer from erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. Listen and learn how to make that dick work for you, not against you.

Learn the four hidden causes of erectile dysfunction here.

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Edited: August 25th, 2012

How to Make a Girl Squirt – Learn the Technique

Learn how to make a girl squirt using fingers, toys, or dicks. Whatever floats her boat.

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Edited: August 24th, 2012

How to Make a Girl Squirt – The REAL Secret Behind Female Ejaculation

You need more than technique to know how to make a girl squirt – learn the REAL secrets here.

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Edited: August 24th, 2012

How to Make a Girl Squirt – Is Female Ejaculation A Myth?

What is female ejaculation? Can all women ejaculate? Why is squirting such a mystery? Listen and learn how to make a girl squirt.

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Edited: August 21st, 2012

Exploring BDSM: The Emotional Side of Submission

Lately I’ve been craving BDSM and submission.

Terry and I have always had amazing sex. The best I’d ever had. But I wasn’t very open in the beginning – I was in theory, but not in practice. As I began to explore my sexuality, I saw how submissive I wanted to be. I became insecure and scared. I didn’t want to show him this very deep part of myself and be rejected for it, as I’d been in previous relationships.

So as we got closer and had more submissive sex, I tested him. Over. And over. And over. And over again. Until finally, we arrived at a place where I couldn’t test him anymore. When we got married, I said I’m either all in or I’m all out. I committed. In.

Its not that he passed all my tests. Its actually that he didn’t. Most of the time he wouldn’t be manipulated by me. He wouldn’t take my insecure bullshit.

But there were times he would. He’d try to make me happy by ignoring his feelings over mine. He’d start reacting out of his abusive childhood and act like an asshole. And I’d react to him like a child myself. There have been times where our negativity has so fed off one another that I wondered what the fuck I was doing. But as much as I’d be angry sometimes, we always maintained a strong bond. Because this: no matter what, he ALWAYS ultimately stood up for himself. The equilibrium always came back to that. I always respected him in the end.

And at a certain point – when we got married – I knew I had to take that for granted. I had to know within myself that THAT was who he is. I also had to forgive him for his wounds. Parts of his childhood were very loving, others were quite rough. It doesn’t excuse any of his behavior, nor do any of my “issues” excuse mine. But I had to forgive him for the parts of him that aren’t so strong. To love him, faults and all, as he loves me. And to respect him for admitting those faults and for his own journey in overcoming his past. As he has for me.

Since getting married, its not as though we’ve been without fights. As if the old patterns of behaving have simply disappeared. On the contrary. What’s changed is how I respond toward him. How I communicate with him. How we work for resolve our conflicts. How I’ve been able to tell him all this, about the times I haven’t respected him, and how he’s taken my feedback “like a man.” We’ve never been happier. And what do you know, our sex life has never been better.

And now I feel like I’m ready to go deeper. To give myself to him, to allow myself to be used. To be his slut, his whore, his pet. Keyword: HIS.

Edited: August 20th, 2012

Sex Problems: The ONE THING You MUST Know

We spend so much time, energy, and money on sex toys, therapists, and Viagra. But what’s REALLY causing your sex problems?

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Edited: August 19th, 2012

BDSM: Public Sex vs. Private Sex

When it comes to BDSM, in public I’m mostly dominant. In private though, I’m much more submissive.

I’m very public about my sexuality, because though I use my experiences to teach others, I’m an exhibitionist at heart. It feels good to talk about it, be open about it, and involve other people in my sex life.

But there are some things I prefer to keep more private. My fans love my dominant side, but at home I’m more submissive. At times, I’m extremely submissive, to a degree I won’t show on camera or to anyone but Terry.

Its about trust. I want to be treated like a slut, a whore, like a treasured fuck pet. But most people can’t do that, most people I’ve encountered can’t handle me. Its almost hilarious to me that men literally beg to be my slave, these desperately submissive men who crave the same thing I do. Perhaps that’s why my fans enjoy my dominant side so much… I understand their needs more than they could know.

I want to be on my knees (literally or figuratively) and trust that my master (a term I waver on, but for lack of anything better) will give me what I need. That they aren’t there to take or make me passive. But rather to guide me, to lead me, to take me to my limits and (sometimes) push me to experience the other side. To force me to flirt with my own discomfort, to make me anxious, to trust they won’t take me further than I can handle. And that no matter what we do together, they’ll still love me after.

Terry is the only person I’ve ever truly submitted to. He’s seen sides of me that no one else has, because I’ve never trusted anyone else to go that deep. And nobody’s every been able to take me there. My best experience before him was when a man I dated slapped me during sex. It was months after I brought up the fantasy, because he wasn’t sure he could do it. Until we were drunk one night… From my foggy memory, it was hot. But I also knew it was barely scratching the surface. If it was that big of a deal to slap me, what about my even crazier fantasies? I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t bring being rejected for that side of me. Again. And I didn’t trust he wouldn’t.

But Terry was different. Terry made me feel safe. Terry showed me I could be dominant… but I also could submit. To him.

Edited: August 18th, 2012

Relationship Problems: Sex Sucks When You Hate Yourself

Low self-esteem causes huge relationship problems.

You know that saying, “You can’t love someone else until you love yourself?” Well, its true. If you’re having relationship problems, look at yourself before blaming your partner.

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Edited: August 17th, 2012

How Do Relationship Problems Affect Your Sex Life?

If you’re having relationship problems, chances are you aren’t having much sex.

Here’s how you can resolve disagreements faster so you can stop fighting and get back to fucking.

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Edited: August 16th, 2012

The Price of Assuming: Making an Ass Out of You, Me, and the Adult Industry (A Response From Inside)

Everyone’s got an opinion on the adult industry, mostly based on assumptions, stereotypes, and recycled arguments from 1980s anti-pornography feminists.

I recently felt compelled to comment on this blog on the “dark side” of pornography and the adult industry. Ev’yan writes about a documentary called The Price of Pleasure. I saw this several years ago (well before I’d decided to make my life’s work in the adult industry), and while I don’t remember the particulars, I was annoyed at the overgeneralized assumptions. Echoed in Ev’yan’s blog, I felt the need to reply:

Ev’yan — I LOVE your blog. I’ve commented here before, but I’ll ‘introduce’ myself here to put my comments below into context: I’m a highly educated adult model and video producer, working on my PhD and have studied gender, sexuality, and feminist theory for the last 7 years. I have all the stereotypical white middle class privileges and have many options when it comes to career choice; despite the very difficult stigma, I choose to work in the adult industry and I love what I do.

I must pose the question: Why do we (as a society) feel the need to make a black or white evaluation of porn? Porn is a type of media, like television or video games; it is not synonymous with its content. There are plenty of TV shows and movies I don’t care for, particularly violent ones, and yet I don’t throw out my TV with the bathwater. Why do the same with porn, especially when its well established “ethical” porn exists and – it seems – is a growing corner of the market? The internet has democratized porn production, and more women are producing their own content (in all genres), commercializing their own sexuality for both profit AND pleasure. (An example: LilyCade.com.)

Undoubtedly, pornography shapes our understanding of sexuality, for no other reason that we simply don’t see “real” sex anywhere else. Like you mention, my first exposure to adult sexuality was through Playboy, and I don’t think it was an entirely positive one (though not entirely negative, either). Yet scholars and documentary filmmakers continue to analyze the porn industry as if it is monolithic, producing one and only one type of dehumanizing, immoral, patriarchal male-oriented product. The beauty of the marketplace is that you don’t have to watch what you find offensive; for every film that evokes disgust, there’s another that will make you smile, laugh, and enhance your sexual experience.

When it comes to violent content in particular, there’s an important distinction to be made – (1) Are the models consenting? (2) Do the models enjoy it? First, there certainly are unscrupulous directors who try to spring certain sex acts on the models mid-scene, when they feel they can’t say no (though they always CAN). I only work on my own content, so I have no exposure to this, but I’ve heard firsthand from models who’ve had this experience. Not cool, and you can tell when you’re watching. It doesn’t make for a very good product, and generally the companies who do this aren’t the most successful for this reason.

Secondarily, of course not all women want to be beaten and humiliated on screen — but it does women just as much as disservice to say that NO women do, as it does to say ALL women do. The assumption that these women are being taken advantage of is in part due to a cultural belief that women’s sexuality is all romance and hunky men with 6 packs, that they couldn’t – shouldn’t – possibly like anything more extreme.

Undoubtedly this type of content is borderline, and the most sex-positive, woman-friendly production companies will make it clear to the viewer this is strictly consensual fantasy play.

Kink.com is an excellent example of well produced extremely hardcore BDSM. They interview all models before and after the scene, and all shoots follow specific rules. Because they’re dealing with potentially dangerous acts, they err on the side of caution when caring for the submissive model. Its a great way to explore the “darker” side of sexuality, knowing the models are exploring as well, so you (the viewer) can dip your toes into extreme sex without jumping into a situation you’re not ready to handle.

One last thing I’ll point out — when we talk about porn, everyone’s always concerned about the women being objectified and subject to violence… Yet if you ever see “mainstream” porn, often times they don’t even show the guy’s face – he’s a disembodied cock. Why is nobody up in arms about the objectification of hard dicks? And what of all the “realistic” dildos, sold under the guise of female sexual empowerment? And finally, there’s a vast world of female domination porn that features men being beaten, abused, and humiliated; its just fetishized because its less socially acceptable than the reverse. Men who enjoy being kicked in the balls, being walked on in high heels, being laughed at for the size of their penis.

Like it or not, violence and power is a part of many people’s sexuality, men, women, and everyone else. There are ways to do it safely, respectfully, and consensually, and there are ways not to. If you choose to watch porn, just support the producers, models, and directors that are promoting a sex-positive approach to fucking, fantasy, and fetish – or whatever is your cup of tea.

Some resources if you’re interested in exploring porn further:

PornMoviesForWomen.com – Great site to find female directed and female-friendly porn. I used this to find videos when I was first starting to watch porn and was sick of the crap I found for free.

PornValleyVantage.com – The blog of sociologist Dr. Chauntelle Tibbals, who is one of the ONLY researchers to study the industry from the INSIDE, focusing on women’s roles in the video production world. She’s published in several peer-reviewed journals and challenges many assumptions and stereotypes about how the industry actually works.

FeministPornography.com – The official site for the documentary Feminist Pornography. Much in the way you say The Price of Pleasure changed your feelings on pornography, this did it for me in the opposite way. I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing if I hadn’t seen this film many years ago. Of course there are problems with the industry, but women are working from within to change that – myself included.

Edited: August 15th, 2012

Reader Question: How to Make a Girl Orgasm Better?

On today’s sex podcast I share secrets on how to make a girl orgasm better. Hint: Its not a fancy new technique or toy!

The most important tip on how to make a woman orgasm is – sorry guys – to pay attention to her emotional needs. The more she feels free to express herself, the more likely she is to open up, have more satisfying female orgasm, and want to please her partner.

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Edited: August 14th, 2012

Why Do We Enjoy Kinky Fetish Sex?

Where do kinky fetish sex fantasies come from? Why do we enjoy the taboo?

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Edited: August 12th, 2012

Sex Problems: 3 Reasons You AREN’T Getting What You Want in Bed

I’m pleased to announce my new sex podcast to help you overcome to sex problems that keep you from fully enjoying your sexuality and relationships.

Titled Love, Lust & Life, this free podcast will feature sex and relationship advice. Taking a “holistic” approach, I cover not only the physical aspects of sex and love but the mental, emotional, and spiritual sides that really shape our experiences. I share my own stories and sex problems, reader questions, and interviews with fellow educators, researchers, coaches, sex workers, and even “regular people” like you. :)

Check out the first episode below, and don’t forget to subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: August 10th, 2012

Furious Masturbation Causes Premature Ejaculation

A young man wants to know if his masturbation habits are causing his premature ejaculation problem. What does Betty Dodson think?

Hi,

I am 19 year old and have been masturbating from say last 7-8 years. Now when I have sex with my girl, I ejaculate within a minute of her touching my penis or worse..she is a very nice girl and doesn’t complain but still I feel like a loser.

What do you think I should do? IS it due to my super fast masturbation sessions in the past?..Is there anything I can do to surprise her?,I do not want to use pills/creams as I am alergic to Sulfur and few more chemicals. Is there any natural way to increase my time or undo what I have done?..:(

Dear M,

Coming real fast is quite common. I’m happy to know you are searching for a solution. Yes, this is due to your super fast masturbation sessions in the past and the healing will be training yourself to sustain higher levels of arousal with new patterns of touching your penis.

Meanwhile, for your information, very few girls can come with vaginal penetration alone. So you and most other uninformed guys think all they need to do is get a hard-on and keep it long enough for her to get off. WRONG!

That’s the phony crap of porn! So you also need to understand female sexuality. There is an abundance of information if you simply start reading our website. Keeping a hard-on is only part of the picture but you have come to the right place to be sexually educated by learning new sexual skills. Now it’s up to you. Enjoy

Dr. Betty

What does that mean? Take time to masturbate. Take it slow. Tease yourself, making the pleasure last as long as possible before letting yourself cum. And more importantly, be gentle with yourself. Premature ejaculation won’t be “cured” overnight, and while you’re busy practicing, you’re likely to have a few more unintentional quickies. But in time you’ll be able to last longer in bed and you’ll both be enjoying sex together even more.

Edited: August 6th, 2012

A Note to My Readers, Fans & Website Members: Thank you

I want to thank you for reading. For writing emails. For commenting on my videos. For joining my website and buying my clips. For spending time with me on webcam.

Because without you, I wouldn’t be able to do what I love. I wouldn’t have the money. The time. The energy. But most importantly, the courage and the reason. The why.

Helping you forces me to grow as a person, so I may grow as a business. So I can help even more people connect with their sexuality on a deeper level and have even more loving intimate relationships. It means I have to let go of my own bullshit stories, my insecurities, and most of all – learn to take care of MY sexuality, so I can continue on this path and have more to share with YOU.

To know that I help you, reminds me why I started this – ultimately because I wanted to help ME, and I had no idea how. Somewhere along the way, between grad school, sexual mis-adventures, meeting Terry, starting my porn site, getting married, and attending a zillion and one business and personal development seminars – I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and having more fulfilling sex than I knew was possible. If there were a magic formula to get here, I’d shout it from the rooftops. But there’s not.

All I wanted was to have an orgasm with another person. And somehow I ended up here. You’ve helped me just as much, if not more, than I’ve ever helped you. Knowing you’re out there – that you struggle with the same challenges I have, that you ask the same questions I did years ago – has made me feel less alone. And its given me a reason to overcome those challenges. How exactly I’ve done it – to the point where I’m at, anyway – is far too complex to spell out. I’m still understanding the process as I go.

Just know that if you’re struggling, you’re not alone.
If you’re frustrated, you’re not alone.
If you feel like something’s missing, you’re not alone.
If you crave more, wherever you’re at, you’re in the right place.

We’ve become accustomed to pills, buttons, gizmos, and gadgets to solve our problems. But our sexuality can’t be fixed with anything external to us. Sure, there are useful – and fun – tools. But ultimately whether and how we use them comes from inside. Though we’re surrounded by pressures of who and how to be, there’s a part of us that’s deeper. We each are filled with desires we’ve been shamed and discouraged from fulfilling. Yet nothing can take those desires away.

Thank you for being a part of my own journey. Thank you for allowing me to be vulnerable, and for being vulnerable with me. Thank you for allowing me to learn from you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to grow in my sexuality, and more broadly in life, so I may better serve you. I could not be here without you.

Thank you.

Edited: August 6th, 2012