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When FAT isn’t a Bad Word

Last night I met Nicole, a SSBBW porn star. If you haven’t heard this term, the SS means ‘super sized’ and BBW means ‘big beautiful woman.’ I’m not sure where the ‘super sized’ line is drawn, but Nicole weighs in at 330 lbs. There’s no lying that she’s a big woman. A fat woman.

Yes, I called her fat. We talked about the BBW niche in porn, the different fantasies of BBW fans, how BBW girls are portrayed in porn, etc. I asked her this:

“To your ‘typical’ American woman, calling her fat is a huge insult. But I saw on your site you refer to yourself as a ‘fat girl.’ How do you feel about the word fat?”

She said she has no issue with the word fat. Its an adjective. The heading of her website reads:

Sexy BBW Nicole is a hot fat chick that really knows how to have fun and show off her awesome big girl blow job tricks. Not only does she know how to please but she expects her own pleasure and doesn’t mind showing her BIG BBW ASS off! She can shake and move her fat booty and plump body in ways you only fantasize about. BBW porn is at it’s finest with loads of multiple BBW adult models and fat fetishes such as face-sitting, smothering, girl/girl sex, BBW on skinny girl face-sitting, hardcore oral sex, hand jobs, ass play, sexy toys, REAL ORGASMS and so much more!

She uses the terms that people are searching for on google – not everyone knows the term BBW, so they type in ‘fat girls’ or ‘big girl’ or ‘fat ass.’

Ironic that skinny girls take fat as an insult, yet a girl who is fat owns it.

I’ll be having Nicole on the podcast soon to talk about her work and to give advice & positions for plus sized sex!

Edited: January 30th, 2013

Last Night I Watched Terry Fuck His Ex in the Ass…

On DVD, that is.

It was shot almost 6 years ago.  He looked so young, less hairy and a little fat, haha.  Plus missing some tattoos.

It was amateur, shot terribly.  I kept laughing out loud.  It wasn’t exactly the most erotic thing I’ve ever seen.

But there was a point where she was making eye contact with him, and I could see that she loved him.  It was very sweet the way she smiled at him.

I wasn’t jealous in the least.  It actually made me happy to see that this other woman loved him before me.  That even though they were incompatible and fought a lot, they obviously cared for each other.

In other relationships I’ve been extremely jealous of ex’s, and I can’t say I haven’t been jealous of her before. 5 years is a long time to be with someone, and I’m the only chick he’s dated since. Early in our relationship he was still shooting videos for her clip store and the adult world/lifestyle was brand new to me. One time he was showing me pictures on his computer and a photo of his dick in her mouth accidentally came up. This clearly doesn’t bother me now, but at the time it was somewhat uncomfortable. He reassured me there was nothing between them, and the one time I met her I could sense tension in the air. So I knew any insecurity was my own feelings, not based in any reality between the two of them.

Why should the fact that our partners have loved & been loved before, be so threatening? I want someone with experience, who’s been through the ups and downs of a long term relationship, who knows what its like to love and be loved. Ex’s are the only way that can happen. And I’m thankful for his.

Edited: January 27th, 2013

How to Have Anal Sex – With Porn Star Sarah Shevon

If you want to learn how to have anal sex, anal-loving porn star Sarah Shevon can teach you a thing or two.

Why? Because she REALLY enjoys having a thing or two inside her ass. A long time fan of anal fisting, Sarah Shevon recently discovered pleasure in ‘double anal’ – not one, but TWO dicks in her ass at the same time.

Impressed? Horrified? Believe it or not, Sarah loves anal so much its her preferred form of sex with a guy. She regularly has orgasms from extreme ass play, enjoying the intensity.

So if you’ve been wondering how to have anal sex, listen to this podcast. Even if you only want a finger up your ass, with all her experience you will definitely learn something from anal sex pro Sarah Shevon!

Hear my first interview with Sarah here.

Follow Sarah Shevon on Twitter!

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: January 27th, 2013

How Do I Learn to Use My Hands to Orgasm?

I love their honesty.

“Just allow yourself to be.” – Betty Dodson

PS – “Stay in touch with your own body.” — This applies to males too, especially if you have issues with premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction.

Edited: January 27th, 2013

I Feel Like a Teenage Girl

I put up a profile on Model Mayhem this week. I never used the site before but was told its good to find photographers for trade shoots (we both work for free and both get the photos at the end). I’ve started taking photos for my website and to post on Tumblr & Twitter. It feels VERY awkward to me. Videos are different, there’s an action I can focus on, I just have to keep in mind where the camera is located so it can see. With pictures I’m just… standing there.

I just don’t have experience. So I’m looking for a photographer who can help me get comfortable with the camera. I love looking at erotic photos, sometimes more than porn. Sometimes mine turn out okay, but I can still see I’m uncomfortable. Last time Terry kept making me laugh while he shot, and the pics turned out more natural. But I’d like to be confident because I have some awesome photoshoot ideas – I just have to feel more sure of myself.

Perhaps its that I said I was an adult model in my profile, or that I said I preferred erotic and nude shoots (something I noticed many girls won’t do) – but I got 40 messages in less than 24 hours. I had to take down the ad. I was surprised. I grew up envying the popular girls and magazine models. I thought the pretty girls had it all. And I wasn’t one of them. Despite people complimenting my appearance all the time, I often feel like a teenager in my own body.

My awkwardness about all this reflects, I suppose, the overall feeling I have about my sexuality. I was always taught to value my brains over my body. Not a bad lesson. But now I’m combining the two. Feels like one side is overdeveloped, the other is underdeveloped. The lopsidedness feels adolescent.

Lately, my body looks adolescent too. I’ve lost more weight because of a health-related diet I’m on, and I was NOT intending to lose any. That may not bother me so much except its a physical reminder of how uncomfortable I feel inside.

Which is improvement. I’ve been exploring my own fantasies, my body, and re-shaping how I do my work a LOT in the past month. I had something of a breakdown in December; things HAD to change. Reinforced by a serious family emergency a couple weeks ago. I’m still working through it.

And for once, I feel happy to do it. Excited for the process. Because that’s really what sex – and life – is about. A button to give you an orgasm would be cool, but it’d get old. Because the pleasure is in the building of arousal. Appreciating the valleys as well as the peaks. Sometimes diverting or holding off now for a longer, deeper and more pleasurable experience.

So its cool I feel awkward. It means I can feel. And if I can feel this, I can feel a lot more of the fun stuff too.

Edited: January 25th, 2013

From the Corporate World to Adult Film: Talking With Porn Star Sarah Shevon

Today I interviewed porn star Sarah Shevon.

Sarah Shevon is a 28 year old porn star. The daughter of two hippies, Sarah is something of a “free spirit” who entered the porn industry in 2009. Tired of corporate jobs, she was seeking more fun and excitement in her life – and found it in her exhibitionism. While some women get into porn for the paycheck, Sarah actually took a pay CUT from her previous accounting job. That means she truly enjoys her work, so YOU are free to enjoy her videos knowing she has a great time. Sarah says she’s never felt objectified in porn, rather its helped her explore her sexuality and try new things.

Sarah Shevon

Sarah Shevon

Sarah Shevon is known for her extreme anal scenes like double anal (two dicks in her ass at once) and anal fisting, not to mention double penetration and double vaginal (two dicks in her pussy). She has recently started webcamming at My Free Cams – check her out for FREE and join to chat with her. And of course, you can follow Sarah Shevon on twitter @SarahShevon!

 

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: January 24th, 2013

Getting Sexual Feedback: Is There Any Way I Can Suck Your Dick Better?

Is there any way I can suck your dick better?

 

Earlier this week I watched the latest episode of In the Bedroom With Dr. Laura. I have mixed feelings about Dr. Laura for her involvement with the pharmaceutical industry, promoting Viagra for women with ZERO medical support that it works (as documented in Orgasm Inc.), but its a fairly good show so I’ll still watch.

One of the issues this couple fought over (of many) was blowjobs. He always wanted it, she never gave it. The main issue was they fought all the time and both sunk real low, calling each other fat, ugly, loser, bad husband/wife/parent, etc. That’s a recipe for NO sex of any kind. But on the topic of blowjobs specifically, the wife said was she didn’t feel confident in her oral skills so she felt uncomfortable.

For part of their “homework,” Dr. Laura gave them a sex book and marked the section on oral sex. She had the couple read the chapter together the first night. They came back the next day and she said she felt better about her abilities. That night, Dr. Laura told them to have sex, including oral. They reported back on day 3 and while there was still “work” to do on their relationship, everyone was happy with the progress.

 

When I watch these shows, sometimes my own insecurities get triggered.  I’ve always been good at blow jobs, or I’ve been told. I have no technique (except to avoid my teeth). I just try different moves with my mouth and hand, and see how they respond. Then I do more of what they seem to enjoy. Its worked well since my first blowjob at 15.

I’ve made most guys cum easily from oral sex. But not Terry. I remember the first time it didn’t “work.” We hadn’t been together long. For some reason we weren’t going to have sex that day, so I thought I’d suck his dick instead. I felt like I was down there forever. Since he was always telling me how good I was at sex, I was confused. Finally he stopped me and said that it felt good but he wasn’t going to cum from just a blowjob. I took it a little personal, though I tried not to let it show. Years later I understand that he’s crazy about asses, so if something doesn’t involve an ass he might cum but he might not. At the time, I knew he was into anal but had no idea the depth of his ass fetish.

So it left me with a feeling of insecurity. Like – he says he’s not that into blow jobs but if I were REALLY that good at sex I could make him cum anyway. Lurking somewhere behind that, was a sense that if he really loved me, my mouth would somehow surpass every other mouth that’s been on it. I would win, so to speak, by making him easily cum in ways other girls hadn’t.

I’ve never said anything about it to him. And since, he’s cum many times from blowjobs, but – as I suggested to a reader with a similar issue – often when I stimulate him in some other way at the same time. Usually involving my ass. And I have no problem with this whatsoever.

 

About a month ago we were cleaning the house and he found a couple amateur DVDs he was on with his ex-girlfriend. I couldn’t wait to watch. I picked the blowjob DVD… for some reason, I love watching girls suck his cock. I was a little nervous, it being his ex, but they broke up over 6 years ago and I know he doesn’t have any feelings for her.

So we popped it in my computer. It was a cheesy amateur gonzo scene, filmed in the bathroom of their apartment. I can’t remember the set up, but within about 30 seconds she offered to give him a blowjob. And she did.

And I had to laugh to myself. The exact same thing that happens with me, happened with her. When he’s not 100% into it, he starts trying – which NEVER works well to have an orgasm. His dick gets a bit softer, not limp but not totally hard either. All this time, I’ve still taken it a bit personally when this has happened – even though I KNOW why it happens. It’d be like if he took it personal that I haven’t often cum from oral sex myself, which has nothing to do with his skill.

Nonetheless, it did make me feel a little better. That it wasn’t just me, its just how he responds (or doesn’t) to blow jobs. Granted, he got it together and came – finishing by ejaculating in her mouth, as a ‘typical’ porn scene. But in front of me I had visual PROOF that I don’t suck (in the bad way).

Tonight we cuddled on the couch and I decided to suck his cock. I was just intending to do it for a few minutes then go about my work, but he got into it so I kept going. My feelings about oral sex arose, and instead of starting to feel self conscious about my abilities, I shifted my focus – telling myself “make him feel good” over and over. That was the point, was it not? I started paying more attention to what he was enjoying, and he came relatively quickly for a blow job.

 

After I cuddled back up with him and asked:

Is there any way I can suck your dick better?

He said, “I don’t know, ask me while you’re doing it.”  I replied, “Okay, I’ll ask next time.  But in general, is there anything I could be doing differently?”  After a moment, he said, “Not that I can think of, you do really good.”

Years of insecurity, and I could have just asked. Instead of worrying that I must suck at sucking dick, all it took was reframing the situation in my mind:

So what if I DID suck? Its a SKILL. I could always LEARN.

 

Of course, it makes me feel good that I already do well. Everyone likes to be good at things, especially sex. How funny that my own insecurities potentially kept me from being a better lover to him. While not a major issue, letting myself wallow in low confidence certainly kept me from getting closer to him. It created a wall between us. It distracted me from pleasing him, which is the whole fucking point of giving a blow job.

 

How often do we let our fears that we’re unskilled at sex keep us from asking how we can improve?   From getting closer to our partners, to learning their likes and dislikes?  From BECOMING an amazing lover to the people we care about?

 

I’m going to start asking this question more: How can I [fill in the blank] better?

Edited: January 17th, 2013

The Feminist No-No: Rape Fantasies

I’ve had rape fantasies for years.

I have never been raped.
I have no desire to actually be raped.

But I do fantasize about someone (usually whoever I’m fucking at the moment, so now that would be Terry) completely taking control over me. In my fantasies, the arousal is intertwined with a what’s-gonna-happen next sense of uncertainty and a deep trust for the person that’s raping me. That they’re going to fuck me and I’m going to love it, and they won’t hurt me.

In My Secret Garden: Women’s Sexual Fantasies, Nancy Friday says:

You don’t have to be a psychiatrist to understand that for some women who never reach an orgasm, it may have to do with their fear of letting go, fear of the helplessness, the lack of control, that goes with orgasm… And for some women – especially highly independent, self-contained women… – the loss of control must be terrifying, the experience of orgasm impossible without, and synonymous with, the terror. (151)

I’ve had orgasms from masturbation since age 8 or 9, but only a few times from someone else stimulating me. So to have someone ‘take me,’ to force me to enjoy sex – ideally to orgasm – is very arousing.

And not uncommon.

Edited: January 9th, 2013

Exploring My Body Through Masturbation

Before the holidays, I started reading For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality. The author suggested that women who have trouble with arousal, orgasm, or who simply want to improve their sex life masturbate for an hour a day (only 4% of your day). I talked about it a bit on this podcast on masturbation – and my decision to start giving myself the time & space to learn to really enjoy my body. To learn to orgasm easily in ways other than how I’ve masturbated since childhood. To learn to FEEL PLEASURE. To learn to orgasm with Terry.

So I’ve been doing this for 3 days. Tonight I discovered a new sensation I enjoy. Normally when I use a dildo, I just like feeling something inside me. I don’t normally move it in and out, except to get myself more lubricated. But today after I had my first orgasm, I lay there and ever so slightly moved my dildo in and out of my pussy. It wasn’t in very deep – the ‘head’ was JUST in, close to my g spot. It may have been imperceptible to someone watching, but I felt it. A tightening sensation on the top of my pussy, inside. Not exactly my g spot, but nearby.

I had a second orgasm, keeping my dildo stationary at the peak. Feeling like I had to squirt, I quickly grabbed a pad to catch my juices and propped myself up on my elbow. I moved the dildo in and out of my pussy, with a little more depth and speed this time. Within about a minute I started gushing while it was still inside me. And when I pulled it out, clear liquid shot out, near soaking the pad completely.

I tasted the liquid – a very very slight urine taste, as my ejaculate often does. But I’d peed before masturbating so I knew it wasn’t urine, perhaps just a few drops got mixed in.

I love discovering new sensations my body enjoys.

Edited: January 7th, 2013