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A Happy Sex Life Needs a Healthy Body: Magnesium and Your Sex Drive

I recently did my first gallbladder cleanse after having some digestion problems.

I also just tried out a sensory deprivation tank (aka ‘float tank’) after stumbling across this video series on YouTube:

What does this have to do with sex?

Both involved epsom salt (magnesium sulfate) – and a LOT of it. Drinking it for the cleanse, then floating in about 800 lbs of it in the sensory deprivation tank. I’ve been into natural health for several years and have seen a HUGE improvement in how my body feels. I used to eat McDonald’s all the time, but in the last 4 years I’ve switched to a mostly organic diet, no HFC/aspartame/transfats/etc., and only using pharmaceutical drugs when absolutely necessary (turns out, its not that often with a better diet!). But I didn’t know that a majority of Americans are seriously magnesium deficient even with a healthy diet.

According to Dr. Carolyn Dean, magnesium is important not only for general health, but for our sex lives! Magnesium increases circulation, relaxes muscles and can be very calming – all the prerequisites for having a good sex life. Or, at least, some of them! Magnesium deficiency is also associated with PMS.

During my cleanse I felt VERY calm and had really really REALLY great sex (this was before I was sick in the bathroom pooping out gallstones). I had multiple orgasms and squirted buckets. And since the float tank, my muscles have been more relaxed in general and my pussy feels more sensitive – in a good way! I wasn’t doing it for the sexual benefits – I didn’t know there’d be any – but that’s always a pleasant ‘side effect!’ I’m following up with a second cleanse this weekend.

Think about it – you have sex with your body. Its your sexual instrument, so to speak. If its out of tune or falling apart – it won’t make very good music. Right? That’s not limited to magnesium, but hey! – this can be a start.

So check out this video to get a more complete understanding of how magnesium deficiency affects the body, what you may be doing to make it worse, and how you can improve your physical (and mental) health:

Edited: May 30th, 2013

What Do You Learn In A College Porn Class?

“The biggest problem with porn is shame felt afterward.”

Edited: May 26th, 2013

“I just can’t seem to get a girlfriend!”

Question via Tumblr:

Is it a bad thing that I’m 22 and haven’t been in a relationship? I’m not a geek or shy around girls that I know and I’m not a virgin just can’t seem to get a gf! any advice?

Its certainly not a bad thing, its not that uncommon. A good friend of mine is 30 and very inexperienced with dating & relationships. It could be that you’re putting out a vibe around girls that you’re not aware of, putting yourself in the ‘friend zone’ or seeming like a creeper. Or it could be that you just haven’t met someone you gel with on that level.

The question I’d ask is – why do you want a girlfriend? Perhaps it seems obvious, but the more you know what you want and why, the easier it is to get. Are you looking for sex? Love? Fun & adventure? Intimacy? Companionship? How would having a girlfriend make you feel? Loved? Confident? Happy? Special? ”Like a man”? Do you want a serious committed relationship, or something more casual?

There’s no right or wrong answer. Everyone’s looking for something different, you just need to find someone who wants the same things you do right now. When you know what you want, you can filter out girls who are in the market for something else.

It can also help to learn more about what women (as a big generalization) find attractive. Though they’ve gotten a bad rap, some information put out by pick up artists is really useful to understand how women see men. For instance, if you’re always volunteering to go shopping with her because you think it’ll bring you closer – she may be more apt to see you as a friend and not a potential lover. If you’re obsessively thinking about how you want to stick your dick inside her when she’s around, she can probably pick up on it and may be put off. If you’re too excited when you call her, it may come across as needy or desperate. She may also be giving you cues to go for it that you don’t even notice, because you haven’t been taught to look for them. Books like The Game and The Mystery Method are good introductions.

Whether you follow the techniques or not, you’ll get a better idea of how you appear from a woman’s perspective. The key with women is to present yourself as a cool dude that she’d be lucky to be with. That you don’t NEED her, but it’ll make her life better to have you in it. It doesn’t mean changing who you are, it just means bringing out the awesome side of yourself – whatever that is (we’ve all got it). A girlfriend can never MAKE you confident, rather confidence will ATTRACT a girlfriend.

My husband dabbled in the pick up artist community right before he met me. He was never picking up chicks left and right like the guys in those books, but he understood where he’d gone wrong in the past. Of the early days when we were hanging out, he said he knew it’d happen – he just had to not fuck it up. What he learned was how to better read me and know when was (and was not) appropriate to make a move. I had a lot of walls up at the time, and had he not known better he may have taken it as a lack of interest and given up. I (subconsciously) tested him quite a bit, which – right or wrong – is common for women. Its how I knew he was a cool yet respectful guy – he hung around despite my occasional bitchiness, he put himself out there but didn’t push. When I was ready he kissed me and I literally climbed on top of him and fucked him that day. The rest is history.

We were both also looking for the same thing at the time – a good friend and fuck buddy with closeness but no commitment – and had personalities that matched up very well. (Obviously it evolved into much more.) That’s why the more you know what you’re looking for, it’ll be on your radar when an appropriate partner comes into your life. The rest is just sealing the deal, the social dynamics of which is both science and art. :)

Edited: May 24th, 2013

Premature Ejaculation Vol. 2: More Tips on How to Last Longer in Bed

Want to cure premature ejaculation and learn how to last longer in bed?

Following up on my last podcast on premature ejaculation, I discuss a couple tips to hold off from cumming too soon!

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: May 22nd, 2013

I Wish My Girlfriend Had Pubic Hair!

Pubic hair politics. What’s a girl to do?

Some guys wish their girl DIDN’T have pubic hair. But this guy wishes she DID! Is the grass always greener? (If it IS green, you might want to get that checked out…)

Question via Tumblr:

ok so i really want my girlfriend to have pubic hair, she always shaves it and she thinks its gross but i really think its more attractive then bald. its just kinda weird to me, like little girls don’t have pubes. a woman should have pubes, its sexy. but i just can’t convince her of it. i don’t mean like wild mane bush but something classy and fitting for a girl her age. plush she’s blonde and her blonde bush is so cute. any tips?

Your ‘conflict,’ so to speak, is that you clearly think its hot… and she obviously doesn’t. Simply telling her its sexy isn’t going to convince her because she doesn’t agree. Its like politics. Pube politics.

Its fine to have preferences on how our partners groom, and to make suggestions. But whether they take us up on them is a matter of choice. Put it in perspective. At the end of the day, what’s really more important – that she look how YOU want her to, or that she do what makes HER feel sexy (and thus makes her want to fuck you)?

I don’t know how many little girls’ vaginas you’ve looked at (I hope none lately), but a woman’s vagina looks VERY different. Hair aside, at puberty the clitoris and labia grow larger to create the cute pussy she has today.

Also growing out pubic hair is kind of uncomfortable until it gets longer – tiny hairs rubbing against panties feels itchy and sandpapery. That may be off-putting as well.

That said, you may be communicating in a way that isn’t appealing to her, and if you put things another way she may be interested in trying it. Have you tried asking her what SHE would like you do change about your appearance? Or your sexual activity? I think most people have at least a fantasy or two they’d like to try but are too scared to bring it up. Tell her, “I know we’ve talked about it before and you think its gross, but how about you try growing it out JUST for a month or two — and I’ll do anything* you want to try. Is there something you’d like me to change, or maybe a new fantasy you want to explore? And if you don’t like it, you can always shave it off.” (*Within your own limits, of course.)

You can also make it fun for her by looking up ‘styles’ that she could groom, watching good porn together of girls with bushes (if she likes porn – Dani Daniels is known for hers, its pretty cute), or helping her groom it in the shower. If you make it fun for her and offer the same in return, she’ll be much more likely to try. If she does and still doesn’t like it, appreciate her efforts and enjoy the memories.

Edited: May 20th, 2013

Premature Ejaculation Vol. 1: How to Last Longer in Bed

Want to know how to fix your premature ejaculation and learn how to last longer in bed?

Listener question:
I cum to fast for every girl. Even though I have amazing looks I can never keep a girlfriend. They say I’m not hard enough. What can I do? I’m only 22 and I can only last 10 minutes :/

Men of all ages experience premature ejaculation. It can be frustrating for both the guy and his partner. But it can be overcome to have a happier, more satisfying sex life. Listen to find out what I think is going on with this guy’s dick and how to stop premature ejaculation!

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: May 18th, 2013

The Elderly Get It On Too

Madam Allegedly Employed GILFs, Catered to Elderly Johns

By Peter Berton

TOKYO – Asian media is buzzing with news about the prostitution trial of 53-year-old Risako Yokota. She was busted in February and charged with violating Japan’s anti-prostitution law.

“Yokota did not run your ordinary, run-of-the-mill brothels,” JapanDailyPress.com reported. “Her two prostitution clubs, the Kairaku Kukan and the Maihime, targeted senior citizens. The 10 prostitutes she employed were aged 40 and above, the oldest at 70 years old.”

Various media have followed the case since, reporting the suspect allegedly charged her elderly clients between 12,000 and 14,000 yen (about U.S. $121 to $141) for a two-hour appointment. Her sex workers reportedly received a 3,000-yen-per-client commission (about U.S. $30).

Prosecutors claim Yokota began by offering deri heru, or outcall services, for which she would schedule sex workers to arrive at clients’ homes or hotel rooms. In 2006, she established two permanent facilities.

“I knew from my experience in the deri heru trade that a prostitution club would be profitable,” Yokota told the court during trial.

In fact, Yokota’s share of the revenues from her business reportedly topped U.S. $530,000 in two years. More importantly, based on a top rate of $141 per visit, the revenues translate into at least 3,546 visits by satisfied customers.

As for the revelation Japanese pensioners are paying for sex?

“The public should not be surprised at this phenomenon, as more than 20 percent of Japan’s population is 65 years old and above,” JapanDailyPress pointed out.

And, apparently, frisky.

“The government has admitted that Japan’s population is an aging population – the country owning one of the world’s highest proportions of senior citizens,” JapanDailyPress noted. “The population make-up may have played a big part of Yokota’s business. She certainly is not denying any of the allegations made against her.

“It would not be surprising at all if there might be more of the same illegal brothels all over the nation,” the site concluded.

Edited: May 16th, 2013

How to Have a Happy Relationship

I’ve been talking about open relationships & exploring fantasies a lot on the podcast lately. There’s one thing Siri, Carey Riley, and Jimmy Broadway all said: to have a successful open relationship, you must START with a happy relationship. A threesome, swinger’s party or cuckold roleplay won’t FIX your relationship — if you’re not already happy, it may actually ruin it!

Everyone always says the key to good relationships is communication. If you are on the same wavelength, you’ll be happier and definitely have more (and better!) sex.

But HOW exactly do you communicate? In this podcast I discuss the book The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Dr. Gary Chapman and the key to having a happy relationship and doing that thing everyone says to… communicating… (Its not that hard!)

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: May 14th, 2013

How Do I Avoid Premature Ejaculation?

There are many techniques available to stop premature ejaculation, what will work completely depends on your body and situation.

via Tumblr:

For instance, some medications can interfere with ‘sexual function’ (especially antidepressants) so getting off pharmaceuticals can sometimes help. Look for a more ‘natural’ or holistic way to deal with the health concerns that made you go onto medication in the first place. If its a situational occurrence, i.e. just happens once in awhile, you can use my husband’s trick to stop from cumming – if he’s getting too close too soon, he pulls out and squeezes the head of his cock, thumb on the top side and fingers on the bottom. There’s a nerve located inside that will cause the erection to go down a bit so its less excited. However if premature ejaculation is a chronic issue that’s been around for several years, its likely become a mental/emotional issue. Often the fear that it will happen is actually the trigger, whether or not there is any physiological problem with your penis.

I’m not an expert on premature ejaculation, so these links on premature ejaculation cures may be of help:

Is Your Dick Out of Commission? Learn About Erectile Dysfunction & Premature Ejaculation From Jacqui Olliver

Furious Masturbation Causes Premature Ejaculation

How to Masturbate

What is Erotic Hypnosis? Interview With Kali “Bliss” Dubois

Edited: May 12th, 2013

How to Be Happy: FEEL GOOD. Period.

A man going through a midlife crisis wrote to me – and his words echo what I’ve struggled with especially in the last few years:

I’ve spent a lot of my life wanting stuff and feeling bad for it.

I either need to feel GOOD about doing the right thing, staying the course, walking the straight and narrow path, or I need to feel GOOD about just being who the fuck I am. Either way, I need to FEEL GOOD.

Feeling like shit because I really don’t want to walk the straight and narrow path, and hating myself because I must be broken or a bad person or have sold my soul to the devil… Well, it just fucking sucks not feeling good.

Learning to love yourself and be true to your desires is an ongoing process, particularly when who you are and what you want is not what’s ‘normal’ or ‘expected.’ I don’t write or talk about it publicly much, but I still have moments of panic where I ask myself, “What the fuck am I doing?” But instead of occurring on a near-daily basis (as it did when I began my fetish website), it happens every few weeks or once a month (often related to my menstrual cycle, hormones, and diet). Instead of an all-encompassing fear that feels like it’ll never end, its short-lived event that I know I’ll get through, because I’ve gotten through much worse so many times before.

I continue along this path, with big plans for the future, because it makes me feel good. Wholesomely good, ironic in what’s seen from the outside as a seedy environment. And it keeps feeling better. We can’t use external measures like social norms and what everybody else is doing to tell us what’s right for us individually. Most people don’t make feeling good a priority – its about getting by, doing what they have to do, what they should do. So how do you know if you’re doing the right thing (for you)? If it feels good and if its not hurting anyone, then its right. What’s the point of life if not to feel good? If you disagree, check out this documentary: Happy.

I told him, “Keep at it…it gets easier.” That line isn’t just for gay kids. Its for all of us who want to be true to our desires, whether sexual or otherwise.

Edited: May 10th, 2013

Is My Foot Fetish Only For Women, or Might I Like Guys’ Feet Too?

Is a foot fetish gender specific, or will this guy for for ANYONE’S feet?

Question via Tumblr:

Is there anything inherently different about the smell of a woman that turns me on? Or could I very well lick the feet of an old man and it would be equivalent. And that my attraction to a woman’s smell is based on tricking myself into believing it is something specific to that woman, when really, sweat is sweat, and dirty feet are dirty feet, and arm pits are arm pits. Or am I wrong?

It could be either way. Some people have a fetish for ‘women’s feet’ (or any other body part or sex act), while others have a fetish for ‘feet’ in general. For instance, my husband definitely has an ass fetish, but ONLY for women. He LOOOOVES women’s butts but wouldn’t go anywhere NEAR a dude’s asshole. But I also have a porn star friend who enjoys licking guys’ AND girls’ asses – so it can go either way.

Males and females do tend to smell different, so you may prefer the female scent. Part of our attraction to sexual & romantic partners is based on smell, whether or not we’re aware of it. We all produce chemicals called pheromones to attract partners, secreted through sweat. On an unconscious level, our bodies can tell who would be a better genetic match to produce children. Someone closely related won’t usually smell as good or be as attractive because our genes are too similar – not good for making babies. Not that people can’t be attracted to family members – in fact, the taboo probably makes it a ‘fetish’ for some – but its less likely. Genetic diversity is better for reproduction, and even if we’re not intending to have children with someone (or cant! if its a same-sex relationship) these chemicals still play a role in attraction.

When we’re attracted to a PARTICULAR person, THEIR body scents can smell very good to us, while someone we’re not attracted to won’t be as enticing. For example, I am VERY attracted to the smell of my husband’s sweat – I love smelling him before he takes a shower. Because its HIS sweat. If I’m standing next to a sweaty guy in the post office, 99% of the time I can’t WAIT to get out of there. I’m not attracted to random guy sweat, its a SPECIFIC guy’s sweat.

If you find yourself physically attracted to women & their smells + you want to be in relationships with women – then its probably just a girl thing for you. If the person isn’t as important and you just want some dirty feet in your face, then maybe you could be with a guy, a transsexual or transgender person, OR a woman. There’s nothing wrong either way, just enjoy whatever turns you on!

Edited: May 6th, 2013

What’s a Cuckold Fetish? Interview With Jimmy Broadway

The cuckold fetish is basically where the woman (in a ‘straight’ couple) openly has sex with other men.

It goes in reverse too, where the guy openly has sex with other women – called a cuckquean fetish (this term definitely could apply to my relationship!).

I often encountered the cuckold fetish when I worked on webcam. I enjoyed roleplaying, but I always wondered how this could work in “real life.” Many of the men I worked with fantasized about their woman taking their money, their dignity and sometimes only being allowed to eat other men’s semen from their woman’s pussy with no other sexual contact. Not all men took it to this extreme, but it was more common than I would have expected.

Obviously we don’t bring ALL our fantasies to life, but I’ve got several emails in my inbox from guys wanting to know how to get their woman to ‘cuckold’ them.

Curious myself, I asked fetish video producer Jimmy Broadway to join me on the podcast. Jimmy is co-owner of SevereSocietyFilms.com and frequently films cuckold fetish films. Jimmy is intimately familiar with the fantasy AND reality of cuckold relationships – how to make it work, and how it can go wrong.

Hear us talk about -

- Why are guys turned on by their woman fucking another guy?
- What role does bisexuality play?
- What are the risks of the cuckold relationship? What can go right, and what could go wrong?
- How can a couple safely explore the cuckold fantasy?
- What’s the #1 most important element of a happy cuckold relationship?

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: May 4th, 2013

Is Sex Work Inherently Degrading to Women?

Are all female porn stars, prostitutes, and sex workers victims of abuse, who need our pity and help escaping?

Its a common belief. One often invoked by anti-porn and anti-prostitution activists, like Shelley Lubben (who has been accused of REALLY being a scam artist with mental health issues).

J Marloe has an interesting perspective looking at prostitution. Why does society look at male and female prostitutes differently? Do women really need saving from sex work? Here’s Marloe’s take:

“Exploitation” evokes a zero-sum game: one person gains at the expense of the other. However, prostitution — and especially male prostitution — is almost always a commercial transaction in which both parties agree on a price beforehand. The exploitation argument seems to rest on the spurious claim that women find sex inherently unpleasant, and that any woman who engages in it for reasons other than love is having something taken from her, no matter what fee she commands. In comparison, consider the same transaction between two men. Who is exploiting whom? Is it the client, who has the financial ability to buy sex from a younger man with (presumably) less financial freedom, or is it the conventionally attractive hustler, who cashes in on the fact that he’s younger and more desirable than his client? Whose erect penis represents the “weaker sex”?

Looking at a commercial sex transaction between two men thus highlights the ambiguity of traditional feminist notions of exploiter and exploited. While there is exploitation in the sex industry — pimps who take a hooker’s entire earnings, clients who refuse to pay, men who secretly videotape encounters and then sell them — there is nothing inherently exploitive about two adults engaging in consensual paid sex. It is only when the prostitute is female and the client is male — or when the prostitute is a minor and the client isn’t — that the issue of exploitation arises at all. Perhaps it’s time we ask ourselves why women and children are regarded as a homogenous group in this regard, while men are subject to an entirely different set of rules.

Concern for the mental health of female sex workers rests on a normative view of female sexuality as connected to love and relationship, reflected in the stereotype that female prostitutes must not value themselves as anything more than receptive sex organs. Yet, among gay men, hustlers are not stigmatized in this way — more likely, they are envied. Why would a man have low self-esteem if he’s being sought out and given money for his body? In gay male culture, knowing that one is attractive enough to command payment raises, rather than lowers, one’s self-esteem. It is only if one believes that the ability to have sex without love is damaging that this aspect of prostitution appears to be “unhealthy” or a reflection of low self-esteem. In fact, the required linkage of sex with love (or the injunction to be “good girls”) has historically functioned to keep women under the control of one loved man — their husband, who may or may not demonstrate equal monogamy and devotion.

Unlike the link between female prostitution and roles and perception of women in general, male prostitution is quite separate from the roles and perception of men in general, both within the gay world and without: few would argue that the presence of street hustlers in any way influences how society perceives men in general. This dichotomy arises from the different ways in which we perceive and treat women and men in society, rather than anything inherent in the sex trade. If prostitution were patently destructive, then presumably male whores would find themselves as stigmatized as their female counterparts.

In debates about prostitution, it is often women — the same women who correctly argue that women and intelligent and independent beings — who selectively invoke antiquated notions of helpless victimhood when trying to abolish the profession. If one truly believes that men and women are equal (or at least should be regarded as equal), then it should be clear that prostitutes require neither pity nor salvation on the basis of their profession alone. All of the arguments against prostitution break down when sex roles are held constant. Men can engage in commercial sex without being regarded as victims of exploitive men or as propagators of demeaning attitudes. Any prostitute (or anyone else) may be victim of circumstances beyond his or her control, and measures should be in place to help those who wish to get out of oppressive circumstances. However, to suggest that prostitutes who do not see themselves as victims just don’t know any better is patronizing and contradicts the very essence of feminism — the freedom to make one’s own choices.

Edited: May 2nd, 2013