Design by Techdesigns.co.uk.

Family Love: Taboo Attractions

I got a couple emails recently on the same subject – adults having sexual feelings for family members.

Its taboo, but its actually pretty common:

Email #1:

My question is about my cousin and me; she is 60 and I am 48. We are very close, but last year I made her mad, she had told me not to tell my brother that I was going to visit her, since we just wanted to relax and when ever he comes down with me, she can’t seem to relax because he is always a pain. Anyway, she lives about 8 hours away from me. At one point, she had asked me not to say anything to him and each time I did tell him. Well finally she got mad and told me over the phone, that she was going to beat my butt. At first I thought she was joking, but she told me, “Oh no, I am not kidding with you at all, you just know when you come down here I am going to beat your butt good.” Myself, being a spanko [person with a spanking fetish] (don’t know if she knows that or not, but she and I always talk about spanking) I told her on the phone, that I was wrong and should not have told him, so then I said, “You can blister my bottom good and really wear my bottom out!” And she said, “OK, then you can count on it. I should have beaten your ass the last time you were here.”

My question is, do you think she is a spanko? I was thinking about sending her an email asking her to hold me accountable and blister my bottom for the last time on my next visit? What do you think? We are first cousins, but I don’t want to embarrass either one of us. But she did tell me she was going to beat my butt and told me she was not kidding, and then about 6 months later when I was going to visit her, she told me that she would beat my butt if I told him of my visit this time. Due to the last visit, I never ended up where I could visit her. Should I send this or not?

In my opinion she is a SPANKO; I find it hard to think that an adult cousin would tell her other cousin that she is going to beat his butt. She is more domineering.

Email #2:

I am 20 years old, and attracted to my 55 year old aunt since I was 16. I was 14-15 years old when I began to like big butt women, then somehow I realised that my aunt had a sexy booty butt. So I began to watch her butt shaking while she moves and stroke my cock looking at her butt when she was busy with something. I felt really ashamed but also like it so much. Later I began to like her feet too, I have a big foot fetish. I used to touch her feet and cum on her soles while she was asleep. She is also a kittenish person, she used to kiss my lips, or often sat on my laps. These acts that she did also increased my fantasy about her. I am single and she is maried with 2 children who are also older than me. Sometimes I think of begining a sexual interaction, like telling her my desires about her or just suddenly kissing her or touching her body. But then I fear maybe she doesn’t feel the same way. Also my family never accepts such a relation. But I can’t stop myself, I’m so attracted to her. What should I do?

What should these guys do? I’m not an expert on this – but I discovered there is an internet community of consenting adults who engage in incest relationships… Check out these links for more info:

Forbidden love: Can sex between close relatives ever be acceptable?
The Law on “Consensual” Incest
Genetic Sexual Attraction

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: July 30th, 2013

How Does a Guy Get Into Porn?

Question via Tumblr:

I am a sex freak how do I get into porn!

(a) It takes more than being a sex freak to get into porn. You have to basically get an erection on demand, with a whole crew watching & waiting, and be able to cum on cue. And in my opinion, be at least reasonably attractive… though it appears some mainstream porn directors don’t care about that. Because too often its the GUY that ruins it for me. But I digress…

(b) Contact an adult agency and ask them.

(c) Make your own porn. That’s what my husband and I do. That takes an interest in business and learning about the unsexy side of the adult industry to be successful.

Edited: July 25th, 2013

Obsessive Fantasies About My Sister-In-Law

Ever want someone you can’t have? Perhaps take it a bit too far? Maybe you can relate to this guy’s situation:

Over the past two years I have developed kind of an unhealthy obsession with my sis-in-law. I’ve always been attracted to her, but it’s gotten to a point where I share G-rated pics of her with guys online and jerk off with them while we say anything we want about her. Just wondering what your thoughts might be on this. I have been spending way too much time doing this, and not sure it’s entirely healthy for me.

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: July 23rd, 2013

My Friends Think I’m Gross

Whatever floats your boat… may not float mine, or his, or hers. But that’s okay.

Question via Tumblr:
My friend knows about my habit, that’s watching farting girl videos… When all my friends know about that, my friends get away from me, they think I’m gross, dirty… What I must do? I can’t stop this habit, cause it’s my natural instinct….

Then don’t tell your friends. You don’t need to share your masturbation habits with friends if they will judge. They probably have their own perverted masturbation fantasies. & there’s nothing wrong with that!

In my opinion, it IS best if you can share your fantasies with your romantic partner (if you have one, or in the future). They’re the ones who clearly want to have sex with you, so its in their interest to know what turns you on! Of course, not everyone will be okay with EVERY fantasy so it depends how important it is to you, to share that part of your life with someone. I think we’re happiest when we can be ourselves – why else find a partner?

Edited: July 21st, 2013

Help My Wife Become More Dominant

Sometimes its fun to switch ‘roles’…

Question via Tumblr:

I would love to have some information about getting my very submissive wife to become more dominate. She loves to be dominated, but I feel kind of left out in the context of I always feel like I am doing all the instigation. Does that make sense? She says she is willing to try but does not know where to start.

Being dominant can feel kind of scary to one who’s never done it before. Before I started making porn, I never had a sexual experience as a true dominant – only times my husband would be ‘aggressively’ submissive to me, so I still actually felt like the submissive one even while technically domming him.

I primarily learned by watching femdom pornclips4sale is a great place to start. Browse the site with your wife (or have her do it on her own) to find a domme she can identify with. A woman whose look, attitude, & scenarios are appealing to her, as there are many styles of domination. Watch and copy. Kink.com’s female domination sites are worth checking out if you’re both into something more extreme, though their particular genre of domination may be a bit much for a newbie. Reading BDSM erotica can help with the feeling & mindset as well – power exchange IS primarily an emotional-psychological game.

It can also be helpful to communicate to your wife specific acts or scenarios where you’d like her to take the lead. Just because you want to be submissive doesn’t mean she has to run the show 100%. Any sexual encounter is give-and-take – so especially learning something new you’ll have to give her lots of feedback. Even dirty talking while having ‘vanilla’ sex or masturbating together can be helpful – my husband and I often do this when we’re exploring something new but aren’t quite ready to try it yet.

There are also how-to books & video guides out there. SM 101 by Jay Wiseman is a popular one that I’ve read. Its more aimed at ‘lifestyle’ BDSM than occasional home play, and in my opinion seemed a little dungeons-and-dragons about the ‘rules’ of play – but gave me a lot of ideas regardless. I haven’t seen any instructional videos myself, so I can’t make any recommendations, but browse around and see if any of these appeal to you two.

Whether you watch porn, read erotica, instructional books or videos – doing it together can spark great conversation about your likes & dislikes, any insecurities that need to be addressed (i.e., fear of hurting you, going too far, etc.), and give you a guide on which to base your initial play sessions. Learning together can be a really hot & fun experience in itself – and don’t be afraid to laugh at yourselves when it doesn’t go as planned. Sex is all about fun, intimacy & pleasure – whatever you two choose to do – so stay lighthearted and enjoy the process of exploring a new side of yourselves together.

Edited: July 19th, 2013

The Best Sex EVER

I recently had the best sex I’ve ever had in my entire life. And I’ve had a lot of really good sex.

Listen in on the juicy details…

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: July 18th, 2013

Why Are People Turned On By Girls Farting?

What’s so sexy about girls farting?

Question via Tumblr:

I don’t know. You’re the only one who can really answer this question.

From what I’ve been told, some aspects fart fetishists enjoy include:

- Its dirty & kinky.

- Its taboo.

- Its voyeuristic.

- Its about the contrast between a woman’s beauty and the not-so-pretty functions of her body.

- It means she may have to poop.

- The smell or taste.

- Its a form of body worship and being submissive.

- The appearance of the asshole as it expands & contracts.

- Its intimate because she doesn’t do it in public.

You may like any of these elements, or be turned on by something else entirely. While there are certainly similarities across fetishists, everyone’s got their own particular taste.

Edited: July 16th, 2013

How to Get the Girl

Does it ever feel like women just aren’t interested? Maybe they are, but you’re missing the signs.

Let me share a story that may help you… about a friend who came over and asked, “Kelsey, can I feel your boobs?”

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: July 15th, 2013

Brené Brown: The Power of Vulnerability

This is pretty much my life story until around when I met Terry… and what I’ve been learning the last 6 years or so that’s made me a lot happier and healthier.

Edited: July 14th, 2013

Lying in a pool of my own ejaculate, I cum.

Lying in a pool of my own ejaculate, I cum.

I already had 2 orgasms. I began watching Elegant Angel’s Lexi – particularly Lexi Belle’s scenes with Riley Reid, James Deen and Dani Daniels. Being blonde, petite, wearing pigtails & knee socks with really passionate sex – I identified with her, perhaps more than any porn star I’ve seen before. Rubbing my clitoris with my fingers, enjoying the tension in my pussy. Stepping up to my electric vibrator, first searching for, then relaxing into the tiny spots sending electric shocks through my body. Enough visual stimulation, I pause screen with Lexi’s face visible, so when my eyes later open – I see her. My alter-ego for the evening. I see me.

I slather my pussy and dildo in coconut oil and spit, slowly penetrating myself with a toy that’s just too big to go in all at once. Warming myself up, I finally slide it up inside. My vibrator finds its way to my clit once again, this time more intense as my pussy has something to grasp. Holding the toy inside, then slowly fucking myself, then faster, then holding. Legs apart, legs together, knees bent, losing all sense of my legs, legs together and I know I am going to cum. The universe seems to slow as I consciously pace my breathing, enjoying the moment just before orgasm. Waves of warm fuzziness through my entire body, I relax into sensation. And I cum, pussy clenching my toy, body contracting.

Relax. A full, complete, satisfying orgasm. My pussy still wants. I feed it with my vibrator and dildo. Exploring – how does it feel if I angle the toy like this, or that? I want to cum. Legs together, lying on my left arm beneath me, holding my dildo and fucking myself – quick, short thrusts – vibrator buzzing on my clitoral hood. This orgasm is fast, over before I know it.

Still hungry. Getting tired, its late, but I want another orgasm before I go to sleep. I try to give myself one. I do the motion that makes me cum… but its not working. Because I know its not the motion that does it. The body is not a machine, its a living work of art. Orgasms are the result of pleasure, not the aim. I observe myself, the way I habitually push myself toward what I want – yet the force pushes it further away. How we do anything is how we do everything. I relax for a moment and readjust.

Suddenly I need to squirt. NEED to. My toy too large to squirt during penetration, I slowly pull it out and gush a stream of liquid. Slide back onto it and off again, fluid spilling out of me. Dropping the toy, my fingers find my wet opening, still squirting. I rub my g-spot, feeling the spray against my hand, as my other hand holds the vibrator just at the edge of my clit hood. The end piece of my vibrator falls off and I almost burn myself because its gotten so hot. I’m still squirting as I quickly put it back together and place it back where it belongs.

Finally emptied, I am laying in a pool of my ejaculate. (Is there a sexier word for this? I don’t know.) Much of the tension relieved, but I still want to cum one last time. Dildo back inside, vibrator on clit, legs together laying on my arm fucking myself again. But this time is different. This time I am swimming in liquid, so much my oh-so-sexy incontinence pad I use to keep things clean is completely soaked. My body weight has kept it from spilling onto the bed, forming a small ocean beneath my pussy. Touching my fingers to the bottom, my fingers are wet to my first knuckles. I am no longer trying, I am enjoying. As I fuck myself, my fingers splash my inner thighs with my own fluid. Waves of myself. I did this. My body did this, what its always been meant to do, to feel. The orgasm comes quickly, yet slowly washes over me and I savor the moment that feels like forever before spilling over the peak. This is what I really wanted.

The bottom of my shirt is still wet.

Edited: July 12th, 2013

What To Do If Your Partner Was Sexually Assaulted

I don’t like talking about sexual assault. Because its fucked up and makes me really sad. Its 100% the opposite of what I ‘preach’. Anything goes.. as long as everyone’s enjoying themselves. i.e., consenting. Anything against one’s will, coerced or without their knowledge – to say its ‘not cool’ would be the understatement of the year.

But since about 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men experience actual or attempted sexual assault at some point in their lives, its important to talk about. Its not something I know about first hand, thankfully. But I have done some research in this area and I certainly know women who have experienced it. Most likely you know some who have too… whether or not you’re aware.

In today’s podcast I discuss a listener’s question about sexual assault. The specifics of his question may not pertain to you – not many people ‘save themselves’ for marriage these days, but whatever floats your boat. Nonetheless, if you or a partner is a sexual assault survivor – this will definitely help you (help them).

Here it is:

My girlfriend and I are saving ourselves for marriage. I do feel she could be the one I marry and we are doing great. She doesn’t know about this but I am afraid when we have sex something will go wrong. You see she was sexually assaulted twice when she was a child and I am afraid I will hurt her or make her cry.

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: July 10th, 2013

How to Have Anal Sex for a Beginner

She wants to know how to have anal sex for “intense pleasure.”

Question via Tumblr:

My ex & I have been hooking up. Last time we were doing doggystyle & he said “I wanna put my finger in your ass. Okay?” I was so into it I said yes. I’ve never had that done & we only previously tried anal sex once a few years ago. He went in & out twice until I told him to stop. This time I was so hot I let him put his finger in it. I had already been contemplating trying anal sex again with him because more & more porn I’ve been watching by myself has a lot of anal.

So he lubed up with spit (I know spit isn’t enough for anal) and was fingering my ass & finally got his dick in. It wasn’t so bad at first but I think because he only used spit it started drying & started hurting. I asked him to stop but he said no. I pleaded & he said no. Finally I moved up to pull it out. I was kinda mad at this point because it hurt & he didn’t listen. He said sorry sorry let me fuck your pussy. I know you’re not supposed to go back to front but in the moment I allowed it.

My questions are what is the best lube for anal? I won’t allow back to front again but is it horrendous that it happened one time? Also are there any tips you can give for (practically) first time anal? Although I’ve had it in my ass twice now this last time was about only a minute. I want to feel that ‘intense’ pleasure from anal I hear about.

Check out my free anal sex guide for tons of anal tips, from start to finish. If you’re new to anal and really motivated to enjoy it, I’d recommend practicing on your own with fingers or toys first. It does take some getting used to, but feels REALLY GOOD when you do it right.

Of all the tips though, the most important thing is to do it with a partner that respects your boundaries. If it hurts, the action needs to stop. No questions asked. Its up to you to be clear – if you’re going to do it again, I’d suggest telling him you’d like to try anal but you need it to go at your pace. My partner and I played with fingers and licking a bunch of times before he ever got his dick inside. The anus stretches with penetration, and if you do too much too soon you can cause permanent damage. With practice, it will take less warm up time because the muscles will be used to opening up. At all times, but especially when its new, your partner needs to respect your boundaries. If they won’t — find a new playmate. (If your ex continues to act that way – ask yourself, “Isn’t he my ex for a reason?”)

I only use spit for anal, but you have to keep reapplying. My guy will keep pulling out to lick my ass and/or put spit on his dick & on my butthole. Once you do this several times in a row you can keep going for a little while before you need more. I’d usually recommend using lube to start though – preferably organic or natural, no glycerine, aspartame, or parabens. I like Good Clean Love myself.

Front to back isn’t a great idea, but I do it on occasion. Afterwards douche with 1-2 cups of water + 1-2 tbsp hydrogen peroxide. Its the same pH as the vagina and will prevent infection.

Edited: July 8th, 2013

The Formula for a Happy Sex Life

Terry and I recently attended a business seminar and heard a man named Keith Cunningham speak. If you’ve ever read or heard of the book Rich Dad, Poor Dad – he’s the real rich “dad” to author Robert Kiyosaki.

Cunningham teaches business success requires 3-part formula:
1 – Find out what they want.
2 – Go and get it
3 – Give it to them.

In my experience, truth is always pretty simple.

And guess what? Its the exact same formula for happiness in love – and sex. Whoever your partner, whatever your desires – its the same basic formula.

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: July 6th, 2013

Chastity Play & Strapons

Discussing listener questions about the chastity fetish, strapons and how to find a partner into this kind of kinkiness.

First I explain what the chastity fetish is, in case you haven’t heard of it. Then I move on to listener questions:

What’s your opinion on chastity play?

And…

I am in my late 40′s and single. I am looking for a female led relationship in which I would like a bit of strap-on and male chastity play included.

So what advice would you have for me? I do not want to do online dating as it is way too risky and you do not know who is hiding behind the PC.

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: July 4th, 2013

How to Keep on Fucking

Its a stereotype that sex fades the longer you’re together. Sure, 20 years in it may not be explosive like the FIRST time, but relationship sex can take on a different, more enjoyable (in my opinion) quality. Why? Because the longer you’re together, the more you understand your partner, their body and their desires.

That is, if you choose to keep the passion alive. Yes, choose. Of course its easy in the beginning. Everything’s new and the sheer novelty of this super amazing person wanting to fuck YOU may be excitement enough. But a long-term happy relationship and sex life doesn’t just ‘happen.’ Its a series of choices – like how you choose to express your affection and love.

This happy couple has a great sex blog that – like mine – reveals what happens behind the scenes to keep chemistry alive and growing. They suggest every kiss should last at least 5 seconds. Not just for sake, but to take a moment to truly appreciate your partner’s company and presence in your life.

Just like it takes a regular exercise regime to run a marathon, it also takes regular expressions of love & care to have, well, marathon sex. Or orgasmically explosive sex. Or crazliy kinky sex. Or romance-movie love-making. Whatever your taste. Its not the kiss itself, its the feeling and intention behind the kiss. To share and connect – which is really at the root of ANY great sex, no matter how long (or short) you’ve been together.

Edited: July 1st, 2013