Design by Techdesigns.co.uk.

Can You Just Decide To STOP Your Fetish?

Question via Tumblr: I’m over fetish porn, it is not going to be my main obsession in sex anymore. I’m done with thinking about all these nasty depraved acts. Goodbye Kelsey and all other fetish porn, it is not good for me. Have a great day.

And how are you going to accomplish that?

What are you going to think about instead? Are you able to simply turn your brain, your body and your emotions off?

If you are, you’re some fancy kind of robot.

Have you ever heard of a gay person simply deciding to straight? Or vice versa?

Are you able to simply stop liking your favorite foods? And begin despising your favorite music?

And the other way around – have you ever tried to enjoy something you simply don’t? To have feelings for someone you don’t care for? To like a TV show, movie, or song you’re at best indifferent to, at worst despise?

If it was easy enough to just stop thinking thoughts connected to actions we dislike (i.e., self-judge) – wouldn’t we all be healthier, happier, and richer? Or – what I sense is really underlying your goodbye note – more NORMAL?

I’ve heard this before, and I can tell you from first hand experience – you cannot just decide with your mind to stop desiring that which you want so much you orgasm over it. However, dealing with the shame felt about the desires can sometimes indirectly change them, or open up space for new and different desires. But that means a person must learn to allow their current desires to be, to accept them as they are. Otherwise one will yo-yo back and forth between denying themselves what they crave most, and shame-filled binges. Going through that though is sometimes part of the journey to acceptance.

So I wish you luck, while I fully expect you’ll be back. Come say hi, I’ll probably still be here.

Edited: April 30th, 2014

When Do Women Orgasm During a Hookup?

What I find most interesting, is that (on average) women are more likely to orgasm during a hookup when (a) they touch their clitoris (duh), (b) she receives oral sex (duh), AND (c) they have ANAL sex (!).

Edited: April 19th, 2014

An Embarrassing Story: Why You Should Only Use Toys Made For Your Butt, In Your Butt

People like to put all kinds of things in their orifices…

And sex educators always like to say its smartest & safest to use toys with a flared base in the butt so they don’t get lost. Kinda like this:

But I think we’ve all heard of situations that ended up more like this:

Fortunately those x-rays are not of MY butt. BUTT I did come close… listen to the hilariously embarrassing story for the details!

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: April 17th, 2014

What Porn Doesn’t Show You

A cute poem:

her hair is in my eyes and my legs are cramping but she is so beautiful
on top of me
and she accidentally falls off and laughs and her laugh is so sweet
i laugh too

and we make a joke about how ridiculous porn is;
all those videos we watched to figure out how to do this,
the moves not taught in sex ed
and we whisper between kisses “yes,
yes, yes -
wait no no no,
don’t do that.”

i accidentally bump my elbow in her face
and our vibrator falls onto the ground
and she makes a comment about how hard this is
so we lay there for a while thinking about whatever

until i kiss her again
and she pulls me into her.

Edited: April 15th, 2014

Sexual Honesty – Are You Telling The Truth About Your Sexuality?

I’ve been reading this book called Radical Honesty by Dr. Brad Blanton.

I think most of us agree that honesty is important to a relationship. But actually BEING honest can be hard. Especially about sex.

Have you told your partner (or past partners);

  • Your complete sexual history?
  • What REALLY turns you on?
  • How exactly you masturbate?
  • Whether you’ve cheated on them? Been attracted to anyone else since you’ve been with them?

The list could really go on and on, and most of us would say no to at least one…

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: April 13th, 2014

You’ve Got a Kink!

Edited: April 11th, 2014

“I wish more girls were open and free…”

Question via Tumblr: Was more of a comment. Very impressed with your tutorial online about relationships and sex. I tweeted you last night. I wish more girls were open and free. So hard to find. I am in an industry where you would think it would be everywhere. Not so much now.

Thanks :)

Let me pose a question to you – if YOU wish girls were more ‘open and free’ – are YOU open and free? The vibe you put out tends to attract people of a similar mindset. If you are and you’re not getting anything in return, maybe you’re not looking in the right place. Or looking too hard. In my experience, the best relationships come when you’re just being yourself, doing your thing and not trying to force anything. Or perhaps on some level you’re not aware, you’re getting anxious or in your head and putting potential partners off. Maybe you’re being more closed off than you realize so you’re only attracting women who feel that way too. Observe yourself and watch how you behave and communicate around women you might be interested in, and you will probably notice how you’re fucking it up for yourself.

The most important thing I’ve learned in love & sex (which applies to virtually all areas of life) is that I am my own biggest impediment to getting what I want. And you are probably yours.

Edited: April 9th, 2014

Why (Most) Sex Advice is Bullshit

From ages 14-16, I spent a lot of time on AOL. I didn’t even know what a website was! And sometimes had to spend HOURS waiting for the TELEPHONE MODEM to connect. Fucking busy signal. Anyway that has nothing to do with this blog, except that one night I wandered my way into an advice chatroom. Nobody was looking for advice. But everybody WAS ready to GIVE advice!

One might think with all the advice in the world, we’d all be doing great. Buttttttt no. I can’t tell you how much sex advice I’ve tried to take over the years only for it to fail.

Its like, someone can give you a stock tip and you could make some money. (Maybe.) But if you don’t understand how the stock market really works, or have a shitty relationship with money and blow every dime you’ve got – is that stock tip REALLY what you’re looking for? Probably not.

Its the same with sex…

Subscribe in iTunes!

Edited: April 5th, 2014

50 Shades of Spanking… Okay, Really Just 4

Some people get turned on by spanking.

A spank is a spank is a spank. Hand on cheek. Right?

WRONG! Do not pass go, do not collect $200… (As my dad would say.)

Well, maybe for some people a spank IS a spank. But for a lot of people, its not just hand-smacking-buttcheek that’s important. Its the context.

Where, when, why & how do you want the spanking? That answer is probably a bit different for everyone, but here are a few ideas I happened across via Tumblr:

Edited: April 3rd, 2014