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What’s a Diaper Fetish?

individualcole asked: Hi Kelsey, I’m a really big fan. I recently revealed to my girlfriend all of my fetishes and she has fortunately been very accepting, I wanted to ask if you could make a YouTube vid explaining the diaper fetish, I can’t seem to explain to her myself.

Answer:
That’s awesome!!!

I haven’t made any YouTube videos in 2-3 years – I’ve been focusing more on my podcast. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about diaper fetish specifically, but I’m happy to share what I know here, if you want to share it with your gf.

There seem to be a few different versions of the diaper fetish – some people enjoy simply wearing diapers, while others combine it with some form of ‘age play’ or ‘age regression.’ So there’s the fetishized object – the diaper – and there’s the context in which its used.

Some people actually use the diapers for their intended purpose, some only #1 while others let it all go, while still others only like how they look or feel without using them to go to the bathroom.

Those who enjoy age play or something related, may also like playing with pacifiers, dressing in ‘baby’ clothes, or even roleplaying with someone to be their ‘parent’ to change them, feed them, put them to bed, etc. Age play is a huge fetish that ranges from people pretending to be infants all the way up to teenagers. It could be loving, it could be disciplinarian, it could involve setting rules and guidelines for the ‘little one’ to (attempt to) obey and punishments for when they don’t.

So the diaper fetish can be very simple or quite elaborate, depending on the individual’s preferences.

I think psychologically, diapers are often about a loss of control – either control over one’s bathroom functions (one of the very first things we learn in life) or control over one’s life more generally. Adult life is fucking stressful and most of us don’t learn to deal with it very well. So (temporarily) transforming into someone younger can be relaxing, taking one back to a time before bills had to be paid and important decisions had to be made. Plus they’re taboo and normally reserved for babies or the elderly who have lost that control (both physically and in other elements of their lives) – there can be an element of humiliation and embarrassment here too. Throw the embarrassment/shame/humiliation many people feel for simply having desires like this, and the diaper fetish can elicit a lot of different emotions.

Its actually a pretty diverse fetish and can be used in a lot of ways, depending what you (and your girlfriend) enjoy. Hope this helps a bit!

Edited: September 10th, 2014

Lolita Style – Fashion or Fetish?

<h2>I recently did a porn shoot dressed in what’s called <b><i>Lolita fashion</b></i>.</h2>

 

Kelsey Obsession in Lolita Dress

Kelsey Obsession in Lolita Dress

This style is popular among young women in Japan.  Lolita fashion is somewhat controversial because – its adult women dressing like little girls – and somehow that means they’re appealing to pedophiles. Never mind they’re fully grown adults. These are not underage prepubescent children whose mothers dressed them. They’re adult women who chose these clothes themselves. Aside from those considering themselves asexual, women are sexual beings.  Thus, the women who put on these outfits – I’ll call them Lolitas – are sexual too. But last I checked, people who are sexually aroused by children are indeed looking for children. Not grown women.  Just like the adult baby fetish/lifestyle isn’t about babies.

From my understanding, the community largely tries to divorce itself from sexuality due to claims of pedophilia. But realistically, I can’t believe sexuality doesn’t come into play in SOME way – much like for furries. Furry fandom is a subculture of people who relate better to animals than people. Sometimes they dress up like animals in ‘fur suits.’ If someone sees themselves as a furry  and they’re are a sexual person – wouldn’t it make sense that identity would be part of their sexuality too? I once met a furry (in plain clothes) who told me that it wasn’t ABOUT sex, but sex can certainly be part of it. I can’t imagine Lolita culture is that different.

 

Furry Convention

Furry Convention

But of course, not everyone wants to display their sexuality so publicly. That’s fine. But I do!

I posted some pictures on Tumblr and tagged them with Lolita-related terms. Why? Because I’m people who are attracted to Lolitas probably search for it on Tumblr. Its called marketing. While they’re probably NOT appealing to pedophiles, there are undoubtedly guys (and girls like me) who are sexually attracted to Lolitas. I imagine Lolitas must date and have relationships – its their boyfriends (or girlfriends) who would be looking for my content! Just like BBW Nicole’s boyfriend told me, the first thing he ever did on the internet was search for ‘fat girl porn.’ Shocking. Furthermore, if men with pedophiliac fantasies ARE searching for Lolita fashion pics – if their desires can be quenched by grown women dressed youthfully, wouldn’t that be better than creeping on pics of kids in bathing suits online? (Be careful what you post, parents.)

I received several angry messages from – presumably – women in this virtual community.  All anomymously, of course.  When I replied that they can block NSFW blogs like mine from their timelines, I received a response back that said:

IT’S NOT THE FACT THAT YOUR IMAGE IS NSFW, It’s the fact that this fashion has be continuously mislabeled by people like yourself to represent a sexual thing! We are constantly having to correct people about the style not having anything to do with sex! Your image is further mislabeling our style because you decided to make it sexual and further misleading people while you yourself, have no actual knowledge of the clothing or it’s history!

I’m not sure where the writer is from, but I live in a country of free expression. I purchased my dress online like anyone else. I was not required to sign an agreement not to use this clothing in a sexual context. Nor does one need to have knowledge of a style to wear it (though I follow several Lolita blogs and am somewhat familiar with the culture). Fashion is like art – it changes with context and continually evolves. There are no rules. I don’t represent anyone but me. And this is how I choose to express myself.

I am an almost 30 year-old woman. I enjoy playing dress up. In the same way I like getting ready for raves, applying brightly colored makeup and glitter, carefully choosing my slutty outfit and putting on my leash and collar (which I often wear at parties). Just like senior prom, getting ready is half the fun.

It could be called fetishistic, being a “girly girl,” or a sexualized form of cosplay.  It doesn’t matter. I just plain like it. I even wore the outfit eating dinner with our neighbors after the shoot.

Yet of course, it is sexual – for me. In the realm of what’s called ‘age play.’ Actually ACTING childish can be part of it, but isn’t necessary and wasn’t a big part of the shoot. I enjoy the mental turn on of being a young inexperienced yet naturally dirty girlwho may want some guidance from an older guy. It probably comes from feeling sexual at a young age yet being very confused and scared of it. Sometimes I fantasize Terry is some older teenage neighbor who gives me a safe space to explore my body.  I’ve never been molested and do not endorse adult-chlid sexual relations (though its ‘normal’ in some cultures like in Paupa New Guinea). Its called a fantasy.  Similar, in some ways, to the adult baby ‘fetish’/lifestyle. I got very into the role, and it was my favorite shoot so far.

I find this fascinating.  I get that Lolitas feel the need to defend their form self-expression. Yet trying to police MY form of expression so they can have theirs is beyond ironic.  Telling me not to use certain tags, post pictures, or even wear the clothes altogether.  I’d imagine people say the exact same to them all the time.

We’re either free to be or we aren’t. Can’t have it both ways. There’s a lot on the internet I don’t like.  Neo Nazi websites, gay-bashing sites, pro ana sites, not to mention a wealth of poorly produced porn I find horribly distasteful. Yet they exist under the same freedom as does this site.  So I choose not to look at content I don’t want to see.

I understand what its like to be judged. I get shit all the time about my choices. Strangers on the internet, people I know, even some very close to me. Behind my back and right to my face. I could complain about how nobody respects sex work, whine about how they should change their perspective or behavior – but I have no power over them. Their words may sting, sometimes downright hurt, but that comes with choices others don’t understand. I’m fortunate to have people in my life who get me and support what I do. I can’t change anyone. All I can do is grow to the point where their words have less impact.

I’m a lot happier being me, despite the shit sometimes hurled my way. And the more secure I am in myself, the less I even notice it. As long as nobody’s well-being is harmed, as long as we’re preserving others’ ability to be free in their way, I always say: have at it.

Edited: March 10th, 2013