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Fetish Problems: My Girlfriend Farts On Me But it is Inconsistent or Rare…

Question via Tumblr: Hello Kelsey, I have a deep fart fetish involving being forced to inhale farts. It’s on top of my desires as I am a submissive male. My girlfriend farts on me but it is inconsistent or rare. Do you have any suggestions on how to help this? Thank you:)

Talk more to your girlfriend about both your wants and needs when it comes to sex. That’s literally the only way you two will ever be sexually happy.

But first, realize this -

The thing with farting – and many other body worship / body odor / body function fetishes – is that the person was (typically) originally programmed that the act is dirty, disgusting, rude, etc. We’ve largely been conditioned that our bodies are gross and to take as many steps to shield people around us from coming into contact with our own grossness. Think about it – by the time you are dressed and ready for work in the morning – you’ve coated yourself in the scent of your soap, shampoo, conditioner, shaving cream, cologne (if you wear it), deodorant, and the smell in your laundry detergent. You smell like a random array of artificial flowers and musk and mountain sunshine, not like a human being. For women, its about 10 times more, with our body sprays and scented lotions and scented tampons. The message we get from an early age is: the natural human body is nasty and should be avoided at all costs. Especially the female body (hello, periods).

I’ve noticed this when I direct our fart fetish videos in particular, that while the viewer is getting off on the smell of their farts, its important that the model feel comfortable doing something she was originally taught was gross. Its a transition that slowly happens from when a model first walks in often feeling anxious and worried about what the shoot will be like, whether she’s going to push too hard and have an accident, whether we’ll judge her, whether it’ll smell too bad, etc – to by the end of the day she’s walking around farting and giggling and talking about it like its no big deal.

So just because you’ve shared your fetish or fantasy doesn’t mean the person is going to be automatically comfortable with it. Your partner has their own feelings about it that have nothing to do with you, directly, that bleed over into their interactions with you. If they’re uncomfortable in some way it doesn’t mean its a hard no, but it means you both need to talk about how you feel. And from there, you can find solutions that work for you both. Just recognize for something taboo, kinky or just plain different from what your partner has previously experienced or desired – it may take some time for them to become comfortable.

If she’s willing to do it sometimes, it means she’s open, at least to some degree. I think you’ll be most effective if you initiate a conversation about what you love about what you DO do, and how you two can have the happiest sex life possible together. And part of that would involve more of your fetishes, but for all you know, she’s got her own ideas of what she’d like. Talking about how you BOTH can be happy and acknowledging what IS working will be much more effective than complaining about what she’s not doing.

Also check out this post and KelseyEducation.com under Fetishes and Communication – there’s a ton more practical advice. Good luck :)

Edited: November 2nd, 2014

Sometimes Sex Gets Messy

When I have really good sex, it often feels very raw, animalistic, messy. A mix of sweat, saliva, vaginal fluids and semen at the least. Sometimes squirting, which despite what all the ‘experts’ say, sometimes contains a trace amount of urine (which I figured out when I was taking vitamins that turned my pee bright yellow… and my squirt puddles turned a pale yellow from their usual clear). If we’re doing anal, occasionally shit happens. The wonders of the physical body on display to my lover.

Despite the efforts we make to de-grossify ourselves with perfumes, body sprays, deodorants, and mouthwash, to name a few, underneath we’ve all still inhabit these living breathing entities that don’t give a shit how clean or dirty they are. My body could care less when I last showered (which if you know anything about me, isn’t usually that often…).

So that’s why I loved this blog post about vomit.

I first heard of erotic vomiting in this chapter by Lauren Berlant and Michael Warner. Not an act I ever associated pleasure with, I was fascinated to read about a live force-feeding erotic vomiting performance they attended. I read this about 7 years ago, before I knew anything of the fetishistic worlds that exist both online and off.

No, this isn’t a story about how I developed a puke fetish. But more about how I’ve come to accept it as a part of the messiness that is sex. And even like it… almost.

Here’s something I wrote in response to a fan question about whether I’ve ever done or will do scat (poop) videos:

I generally have a ‘try anything once’ attitude, and while I think the idea of someone being turned on my ALL aspects of my body is hot, fantasy is different than (messy & smelly) reality. I’ve come into contact with shit doing anal without enemas because I hate how they make my stomach feel. I don’t care if there’s a little, and neither does Terry, but I experience it more as an acceptable hazard of the act than something I want to do on purpose. Which is why I do POV toilet slavery videos for my site, but its solely roleplaying, not actually showing anything.

I have a similar feeling on vomit. If you’re into deepthroating, you’re going to deal with vomit at some time or another. I’m a small person with a small mouth, so when Terry’s dick is all the way in I can sometimes get pretty close to throwing up. When its in the morning and I have nothing in my stomach, I actually like the feeling of dry-heaving with his dick in my mouth. I feel completely out of control and enjoy that. But I’ve actually puked on him a couple times, and in my own mouth even more – and my response is more ick than yay. Just like with shit, its a risk I’m willing to take but don’t try to make it happen.

I appreciate having a partner who isn’t offended by whatever my body does, because I don’t think you can have good sex and fear body functions. Sometimes they just come with the territory.

And here’s what fetish model Rain DeGrey has to say:

I DON’T have a puke fetish. Puke is nasty & messy & you have to stop everything to clean it up.

I have a CONTROL fetish. The concept of controlling someone so utterly that you literally control their bodily functions makes me hot. The thought of so completely owning the back of someone’s throat that you can make them vomit, whether they want to or no….well that works for me on so many levels it isn’t even funny. Forcing someone to vomit is like making them squirt from their throat. In my book.

Her desire to make someone vomit and the pleasure I get from dry-heaving is one in the same. We’d probably make great sex partners. She could dom the shit out of me. Or the puke. Whatever.

Edited: February 24th, 2014