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I Wanna Share My Fetishes!!!

Question via Tumblr: hey i just meet a girl and i relly what to tell here about my fetishes like my diaper fetish how can i tell her

Well congrats on meeting someone :) That’s always very fun and exciting.

Its great you want to share your fetishes with her. Unless you met her in a BDSM or fetish type of setting, I think fetish discussion will usually happen slowly and is really going to depend on your girl. Not everyone is comfortable with fetishes – sometimes they’re just not into them, but often they just don’t understand them, and sadly we often judge a book by its cover. Whether she’s open or not depends on her own sexual tastes and how comfortable she is exploring. Chances are she doesn’t have a diaper fetish and she may have never heard of it. So I’d suggest feeling out how kinky she is and maybe share some ‘lighter’ fetishes (everyone’s heard of a foot fetish, for instance, and its not usually seen as that ‘creepy’) before going to the more socially ‘out there’ ones.

Realize a few important things here -

1 – She will have her own reaction to each new sexual/fetishistic thing you introduce.

2 – Her reaction may or may not line up with your desires. Her initial reaction may stick, or she may change her feelings if she’s open to learning more. A range of possible reactions may include:
- She just so happens to secretly share your fetish, or something similar, and is super excited to have found you!
- She’s totally fascinated and wants to try.
- She’s interested to learn more.
- She’s okay with you liking it but is unsure about participating.
- She’s okay with you liking it but doesn’t want to participate.
- She’s unsure about it.
- She doesn’t like it but is open to learning more.
- She doesn’t like it but is content to ignore it and never talk about it again.
- She doesn’t like it and becomes judgmental.
- She doesn’t like it and never wants to talk to you again.

3 – Whether or not she is cool with your fetishes is in no way an evaluation of your worth as a romantic/sexual partner or more broadly, as a human being. Regardless of how compatible you are in other ways, you two simply may or may not be sexually compatible.

4 – Depending on her reaction, you may or may not want to continue seeing her. All relationships require compromise, so if she isn’t interested in some way that’s centrally important to you (i.e. you want her to participate but she does not want to), its up to you to decide whether you can happily live with something less (maybe you just do it on your own without her). In time she may change her mind, or she may not – and that’s her freedom to do so.

Its up to you to decide what’s necessary and what’s optional in your relationships. At the same time, I’ve seen people with fetishes be so adamant that their partner fulfill their fetish in a specific way that it actually pushes away potential partners who might be open in some way. Its a balance between being true to yourself and your needs, and being flexible enough to let another person with their own wants, needs and desires into your world. Its really no different from any other element of relationships (religion/spirituality, how money is handled, cooking and meals, the importance of family, etc.).

As far as how to specifically tell her – I’ve done a lot of podcasts & blogs on communication so I’d suggest you check out some of these:

How to Talk About Sex
How to Talk About Your Fantasies
How Do I Get Her Into My Foot Fetish?
Dirty Sex: Secrets From a Porn Set, Part 1
Dirty Sex: Secrets From a Porn Set, Part 2

Good luck!

Edited: November 6th, 2014

What’s a Diaper Fetish?

individualcole asked: Hi Kelsey, I’m a really big fan. I recently revealed to my girlfriend all of my fetishes and she has fortunately been very accepting, I wanted to ask if you could make a YouTube vid explaining the diaper fetish, I can’t seem to explain to her myself.

Answer:
That’s awesome!!!

I haven’t made any YouTube videos in 2-3 years – I’ve been focusing more on my podcast. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about diaper fetish specifically, but I’m happy to share what I know here, if you want to share it with your gf.

There seem to be a few different versions of the diaper fetish – some people enjoy simply wearing diapers, while others combine it with some form of ‘age play’ or ‘age regression.’ So there’s the fetishized object – the diaper – and there’s the context in which its used.

Some people actually use the diapers for their intended purpose, some only #1 while others let it all go, while still others only like how they look or feel without using them to go to the bathroom.

Those who enjoy age play or something related, may also like playing with pacifiers, dressing in ‘baby’ clothes, or even roleplaying with someone to be their ‘parent’ to change them, feed them, put them to bed, etc. Age play is a huge fetish that ranges from people pretending to be infants all the way up to teenagers. It could be loving, it could be disciplinarian, it could involve setting rules and guidelines for the ‘little one’ to (attempt to) obey and punishments for when they don’t.

So the diaper fetish can be very simple or quite elaborate, depending on the individual’s preferences.

I think psychologically, diapers are often about a loss of control – either control over one’s bathroom functions (one of the very first things we learn in life) or control over one’s life more generally. Adult life is fucking stressful and most of us don’t learn to deal with it very well. So (temporarily) transforming into someone younger can be relaxing, taking one back to a time before bills had to be paid and important decisions had to be made. Plus they’re taboo and normally reserved for babies or the elderly who have lost that control (both physically and in other elements of their lives) – there can be an element of humiliation and embarrassment here too. Throw the embarrassment/shame/humiliation many people feel for simply having desires like this, and the diaper fetish can elicit a lot of different emotions.

Its actually a pretty diverse fetish and can be used in a lot of ways, depending what you (and your girlfriend) enjoy. Hope this helps a bit!

Edited: September 10th, 2014