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I Wanna Share My Fetishes!!!

Question via Tumblr: hey i just meet a girl and i relly what to tell here about my fetishes like my diaper fetish how can i tell her

Well congrats on meeting someone :) That’s always very fun and exciting.

Its great you want to share your fetishes with her. Unless you met her in a BDSM or fetish type of setting, I think fetish discussion will usually happen slowly and is really going to depend on your girl. Not everyone is comfortable with fetishes – sometimes they’re just not into them, but often they just don’t understand them, and sadly we often judge a book by its cover. Whether she’s open or not depends on her own sexual tastes and how comfortable she is exploring. Chances are she doesn’t have a diaper fetish and she may have never heard of it. So I’d suggest feeling out how kinky she is and maybe share some ‘lighter’ fetishes (everyone’s heard of a foot fetish, for instance, and its not usually seen as that ‘creepy’) before going to the more socially ‘out there’ ones.

Realize a few important things here -

1 – She will have her own reaction to each new sexual/fetishistic thing you introduce.

2 – Her reaction may or may not line up with your desires. Her initial reaction may stick, or she may change her feelings if she’s open to learning more. A range of possible reactions may include:
- She just so happens to secretly share your fetish, or something similar, and is super excited to have found you!
- She’s totally fascinated and wants to try.
- She’s interested to learn more.
- She’s okay with you liking it but is unsure about participating.
- She’s okay with you liking it but doesn’t want to participate.
- She’s unsure about it.
- She doesn’t like it but is open to learning more.
- She doesn’t like it but is content to ignore it and never talk about it again.
- She doesn’t like it and becomes judgmental.
- She doesn’t like it and never wants to talk to you again.

3 – Whether or not she is cool with your fetishes is in no way an evaluation of your worth as a romantic/sexual partner or more broadly, as a human being. Regardless of how compatible you are in other ways, you two simply may or may not be sexually compatible.

4 – Depending on her reaction, you may or may not want to continue seeing her. All relationships require compromise, so if she isn’t interested in some way that’s centrally important to you (i.e. you want her to participate but she does not want to), its up to you to decide whether you can happily live with something less (maybe you just do it on your own without her). In time she may change her mind, or she may not – and that’s her freedom to do so.

Its up to you to decide what’s necessary and what’s optional in your relationships. At the same time, I’ve seen people with fetishes be so adamant that their partner fulfill their fetish in a specific way that it actually pushes away potential partners who might be open in some way. Its a balance between being true to yourself and your needs, and being flexible enough to let another person with their own wants, needs and desires into your world. Its really no different from any other element of relationships (religion/spirituality, how money is handled, cooking and meals, the importance of family, etc.).

As far as how to specifically tell her – I’ve done a lot of podcasts & blogs on communication so I’d suggest you check out some of these:

How to Talk About Sex
How to Talk About Your Fantasies
How Do I Get Her Into My Foot Fetish?
Dirty Sex: Secrets From a Porn Set, Part 1
Dirty Sex: Secrets From a Porn Set, Part 2

Good luck!

Edited: November 6th, 2014

Are Lesbians Who Like Strapons Reeeeeally Straight?

Sexual orientation is different from sexual preferences and the acts we enjoy. That is, doing a particular act doesn’t “make” someone gay or straight, nor does being gay, straight or anything else really imply what it is you DO with your partner. Only the gender or sex of your partner.

Here’s an example…

How do you like strap-ons but not dicks? Have you ever thought about trying out the real thing?

    Her response:

The number of people who ask me, whether via social media or in person, whether I’ve “thought about” having straight sex floors me. Do you really think I’ve gone through life unaware of the possibility of heterosexuality? I’ve thought about it, and my thoughts on the matter can be summed up rather neatly as “ewww, gross”.

I am reminded of door to door church people who start with “have you heard the good news” as if there is a person in the United States who has just never heard about Christianity.

I’ve always known I wasn’t into dudes. The whole hetero life plan is pretty present, even for little kids…fall in love and marry a boy, have kids, etc. I knew I wasn’t into it, but it was only when I was a bit older that I realized I was gay, and not just destined to die alone and be eaten by my numerous cats.

    My two cents:

Enjoying the feeling of penetration has nothing to do WHO you want doing the penetrating.

That’s like telling a totally straight guy who enjoys pegging (getting fucked with a strap on) with his girlfriend that he should go try dudes.

Or telling a gay guy who likes anal sex (as the “top,” putting his dick in the butthole) that he should try chicks because they have assholes too. Or a pussy. I mean a hole is a hole, is it not?

Yet ironically, there are some straight women AND gay men who don’t care for penetration. What we call sexual orientation refers to who we are sexually attracted to, but what we enjoy DOING with those partners is a distinct preference.

Edited: November 16th, 2013

Is Women’s Sexuality More Open Than Men’s?

Psychologist Lisa Diamond finds that women’s sexuality is more “fluid.” No, I don’t mean having a wet pussy…

In her 2008 book, “Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire,” she writes that women’s sexuality appears to be much more fluid than men’s, and that this fluidity tends to involve three main characteristics:

– Non-exclusivity in attractions: can find either gender sexually attractive
– Changes in attractions: can suddenly find a man or woman sexually attractive after having been in a long-term relationship with the other
– Attraction to the person, not the gender

Research seems to support the idea that some women are able to move between relationships with both genders without blinking an eye – and that labels matter little.

Maybe the lesson here is that love and lust are about people, not about labels – and I think that can only be a good thing.

This very much describes my sexuality, not just about the gender I’m attracted to, but the wide variety of sexual fantasies and acts that turn me on.

But this phenomenon could also be because lesbianism and bisexuality are more socially acceptable for women than men, so men may be less likely to openly pursue same-sex relationships even if they feel attracted. On webcam, I often talk to men who have a “forced bisexual” fantasy, where we roleplay that I force them to suck cock or take it up the ass — and they like it.

Are women more open about their sexual preferences than men? What do you think?

Edited: September 16th, 2012

How to Eat Pussy: Pussy Licking as Foreplay OR as Her Main Event?

Part of learning how to eat pussy is understanding what it means to her

.

I don’t know any woman who dislikes cunnilingus, though I’m sure she exists somewhere. While oral sex will get many women off – far more than penis-in-vagina sexual intercourse – don’t assume that’s what she prefers.

For the last several months, I’ve been filming myself and other beautiful girls licking pussy. We talk with the receiver about what she enjoys and follow her instruction to bring her to an amazing orgasm (or two, or three…).

Here’s a secret: I’ve only orgasmed from oral sex twice. I love oral sex, and I’d love to orgasm from it more. Emotional issues and the way I’m used to orgasming from masturbation has made it, let’s say, a challenge for oral to be IT for me. In creating my pussy licking videos, I picked up a major how to eat pussy lesson: cunnilingus doesn’t have to be my main course to enjoy it.

Kartier Teaches Me How to Eat Pussy

Kartier Teaches Me How to Eat Pussy

Some women like it as ‘foreplay’ to what really brings them to female orgasm. Black lesbian Kartier, for instance, LOVES oral sex but enjoys other acts too. She was very vocal about her preferences, and when we shot her scene we started with pussy licking, then moved on to fingering – leading her to squirting, and making her female orgasm by rubbing her clit with my very wet finger tip.

Summer Bailey, on the other hand, gets off from cunnilingus quickly and easily. Another woman who knows what she likes, Summer gave me explicit instruction and I had her legs clenched around my face in orgasm in less than 3 minutes!

Summer Bailey Teaches Me How to Eat Pussy

Summer Bailey Teaches Me How to Eat Pussy

The moral of the story is: Don’t assume you know what she wants. Part of knowing how to eat pussy is understanding what role it plays in her arousal and pleasure. It could simply be a turn on, where she prefers to orgasm with a vibrator, hand, or something else. It could be her main squeeze. How will you know how to eat HER pussy? Ask, and if she doesn’t know, have fun helping her learn about her body!

Edited: January 24th, 2012

Sexual Preferences Versus Fetishes

Recently its come to my attention just how dirty I am. As I’ve written previously, I like my natural filth. And my partners’

 

I love the smell and taste of ass, sweat, genitals, and sometimes feet. But I wouldn’t say I have an ass, sweat, dick/pussy, or foot fetish. I wouldn’t say I have a smell fetish either. I appreciate my lover’s body, as is, and his/her smell and taste.

 

It simply feels natural. Its different from my boyfriend’s ass obsession, where he loves (almost) everything about the female behind. He can always get off to anything anal. I don’t necessarily get off on sucking his butthole or feet, though I can.

 

I’d say my dirtiness is a preference. His is a fetish.

Edited: November 1st, 2011