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Fetish Problems: My Girlfriend Farts On Me But it is Inconsistent or Rare…

Question via Tumblr: Hello Kelsey, I have a deep fart fetish involving being forced to inhale farts. It’s on top of my desires as I am a submissive male. My girlfriend farts on me but it is inconsistent or rare. Do you have any suggestions on how to help this? Thank you:)

Talk more to your girlfriend about both your wants and needs when it comes to sex. That’s literally the only way you two will ever be sexually happy.

But first, realize this -

The thing with farting – and many other body worship / body odor / body function fetishes – is that the person was (typically) originally programmed that the act is dirty, disgusting, rude, etc. We’ve largely been conditioned that our bodies are gross and to take as many steps to shield people around us from coming into contact with our own grossness. Think about it – by the time you are dressed and ready for work in the morning – you’ve coated yourself in the scent of your soap, shampoo, conditioner, shaving cream, cologne (if you wear it), deodorant, and the smell in your laundry detergent. You smell like a random array of artificial flowers and musk and mountain sunshine, not like a human being. For women, its about 10 times more, with our body sprays and scented lotions and scented tampons. The message we get from an early age is: the natural human body is nasty and should be avoided at all costs. Especially the female body (hello, periods).

I’ve noticed this when I direct our fart fetish videos in particular, that while the viewer is getting off on the smell of their farts, its important that the model feel comfortable doing something she was originally taught was gross. Its a transition that slowly happens from when a model first walks in often feeling anxious and worried about what the shoot will be like, whether she’s going to push too hard and have an accident, whether we’ll judge her, whether it’ll smell too bad, etc – to by the end of the day she’s walking around farting and giggling and talking about it like its no big deal.

So just because you’ve shared your fetish or fantasy doesn’t mean the person is going to be automatically comfortable with it. Your partner has their own feelings about it that have nothing to do with you, directly, that bleed over into their interactions with you. If they’re uncomfortable in some way it doesn’t mean its a hard no, but it means you both need to talk about how you feel. And from there, you can find solutions that work for you both. Just recognize for something taboo, kinky or just plain different from what your partner has previously experienced or desired – it may take some time for them to become comfortable.

If she’s willing to do it sometimes, it means she’s open, at least to some degree. I think you’ll be most effective if you initiate a conversation about what you love about what you DO do, and how you two can have the happiest sex life possible together. And part of that would involve more of your fetishes, but for all you know, she’s got her own ideas of what she’d like. Talking about how you BOTH can be happy and acknowledging what IS working will be much more effective than complaining about what she’s not doing.

Also check out this post and KelseyEducation.com under Fetishes and Communication – there’s a ton more practical advice. Good luck :)

Edited: November 2nd, 2014

Women’s Sexual Desire is Just as Strong and ‘Ravenous’ as Men’s

Think she doesn’t want sex as much as he does? As I’ve written & discussed, relationship issues and stress can definitely impact a woman’s sexuality (IMO, more than guys… though it affects them too). Social norms too (“good girls” “shouldn’t” get too wild…). But sex IS important to women.

So why do many people still think that all women want is love & romance? Don’t get me wrong, those are great. But it doesn’t mean we don’t want to FUCK too!

So Journalist Michael Bergner asked the question: What do women want?

Bergner found that female sexuality is everything we tell ourselves about male sexuality – that it’s base, ravenous and animalistic – is true of female sexuality.

Certain qualities society has traditionally attributed to women – that they are inherently and biologically better suited to monogamy, that women’s desires are based in romantic love – are ‘scarcely more than a fairy tale‘, writes Bergner.

The idea of women being passive and men being the initiators of sexual contact is also a myth, both in the human and the animal worlds, says Bergner.

Women’s sexual desires and fantasies are often submissive or passive, says Bergner, and he believes ‘the force of culture has, to some degree, inverted things’ in terms of how women think about themselves and sex.

‘The force of culture puts some level of shame on women’s sexuality and a fantasy of sexual assault is a fantasy that allows for sex that is completely free of blame,’ Bergner told Salon.com.

‘So that’s one reason. Another, which [researcher, Marta] Meana brings up, and which I think is very compelling, is this idea that the feeling of being desired is a very powerful one, a very electrical one. And I think at least at the fantasy level, that sense of being wanted, and being wanted beyond the man’s self-control is also really powerful,’ he said, addressing the idea of submission fantasies.

‘Being a human who is sexual, who is allowed to be sexual, is a freedom accorded by society much more readily to males than to females,’ Terri Fisher, Professor of Psychology at Ohio State University tells Bergner in the book.

If you’re into a woman and she’s a bit shy… that means she may need your help in bringing out that dirty side of her.

Edited: June 24th, 2013

Eyes Wide Shut

Nobody ever told me to look away from the screen when a sex scene came on TV or at the movies. I did it all on my own. I looked away because I felt uncomfortable. I didn’t want anyone to think I wanted to watch (when I all I wanted to do was stare with my mouth hanging open).

Averting my eyes was a self-imposed regulation of my sexuality. Ev’Yan was told not to look. It doesn’t matter so much what we were told, when we live in a culture that glorifies violence and degrades sexuality (see This Film is Not Yet Rated). Ev’Yan writes,

I was allowed to see graphic portrayals of rapes, beatings, mutilations, & lynchings amongst Black people in Civil War-era films (for “educational” purposes).
I was allowed to see striking images of drug use, violent gang activity, war crimes, & domestic battery between fictional characters & their families on screen.
I was even allowed to see films with semi-evil & disturbing overtones (I watched The Shining when I was eight).
In these instances, I was seldom told to look away.
But when it came to images of sex — a reenactment of one of the most essential & beautiful facets of human nature — my child eyes were covered by the strong, calloused palms of my father. Always.
It’s worth mentioning that I’ve never seen sexual content in any film — as a child or an adult — that was so explicit that it damaged my being; I’ve never wanted to un-remember a sex scene.
The lynchings & violent rapes in my “Black history lessons”, however, are permanently stamped into my consciousness. It is those “educational” images that I wish I could forget.
I am twenty four & I still find myself cringing during sex scenes. Perhaps out of residual mortification of the past, but likely out of habit.

I still fight the urge to look away at sex scenes. Even porn. Despite the little girl in me who’s scared to show her sexuality, at 28 I’m now free to stare, open-mouthed, hand down my pants (if I’m wearing any).

Edited: November 24th, 2011